Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Top 10 Reasons You Can't Live Here for 5 Years

The other day you asked me why you can't live here at home for another 5 or 10 years. There are so many reasons, I don't know if I can count them all, but here is a good start.

First and most importantly...

  1. You may not live to see another 5 or ten years if you continue to live here. I know I'm much smaller than you, but I may end up killing you or at least hurting you seriously because of the way that you treat me. Okay I'm kidding. Sort of...exaggerating. Okay, the point is, I don't want to go to jail. 
  2. I may not live another 5 years if you live here.  You stress me out! My heart can not take another 5 or 10 years of you and your yelling, following me around and harassing me in my own home.  The only time I have peace is when you are not in this house. You and I seem to make each other miserable. I always love you, but honestly, I don't like you very much right now.  I will like you and love you so much more if there was more distance between us. Dad and I would be so much happier to help you if we see you taking steps towards taking care of yourself!  We still help your older brother to this day when he really needs it. That's what family does. Have you seen how much better he gets along with Dad now that he doesn't live here?
  3. You want to get married someday. If you never learn to take of yourself, you will never be able to take care of a family.  No one wants to marry a mama's boy. Walking around talking about, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" A good woman wants to marry a man who takes care of his business.
    Photo Credit 
  4. I am to you,  like kryptonite is to Superman. When I am around, you feel weaker than you actually are. When I'm not around, you feel stronger, empowered to do more for yourself.  You don't want to spend your life, waiting for others to help you. You have to help yourself! You want the most full life possible.  This means being comfortable financially, being able to travel, take care of yourself and your family someday.  I can not continue to give you a crutch to hold onto, if I do, you will never walk freely on your own.  
  5. You are not disabled. You are differently abled! You can absolutely do anything you set your mind to. You can not let fear keep you from living a full life. You have the ability to do so much more than many of your peers that you're always comparing yourself to.  Have you ever noticed that you are one of the highest functioning people in most of the programs you're in? You have been blessed with more ability than many other people. Out of your close friends, how many have kept a job for over 1 year? How many have taught themselves a skill like video editing? How many have earned money from their own business? You are intelligent! You can do anything you WANT to do. You simply have to WANT to do it!
  6. Everything you try, you succeed.  Do you realize that your first answer to everything is NO? "No I don't want to do it! NO! I'm not doing that! No! I'm not eating that." That is all about fear! You have to try it to know if you like it. You have always been more likely to try things when you are away from me!  You try new things when you travel to see family. You wanted this film internship.  You were scared to apply for it. It would mean changing your schedule. You were sure it wasn't going to work out. It did! You were accepted! There is always fear in the beginning. Change is scary, but you always come through it! You wanted to learn videography, you taught yourself.  If you want to live more independently, you can do it! You just have to walk through fear. 
  7. Adults don't like being told what to do. You are and adult, but as long as you are here in our home, you have to follow your parents rules. We will always have a say in what you are doing. Living on your own, gives you freedom from your parents (who according to you, know absolutely nothing.)
  8. There are too many people in this house that you don't get along with. You fight with everyone! Me. Your brother. Nana, Harry (the dog) and Dad! If you haven't gotten along with us in almost 20 years, chances are, you won't start now. You do however get along with friends and peers. You will get along with a roommate or a group of peers better than you will EVER get along with your family! 
  9. You are not happy here. You are happiest when you are away from your family.  You are happy at work. You are happy at church and when you are with your church family. You are happy when you are around your friends, and people closer to your age.  You are happy when you spend time with Mr. Kevin. You are happy when you travel and spend time away from us. Why not have more of that?  Truthfully, freedom is happiness! Trust me. I'd give anything to be free and on my own! The time I lived on my own was the best time of my life! Such a silly girl to give that up for this.
  10. Life struggles make you stronger and help you learn. Life can't always be easy, or you will never learn anything. Challenges are opportunities to learn. An easy life teaches you absolutely nothing. Living on your own figuring out your bills and your life will be challenging, but it will definitely lead to you being a strong man and less of a little boy who is always walking around talking about, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" 
I say this with all the love in my heart. Love that you will see a lot more of, once you move out of my house!

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Friday, June 5, 2015

A Brilliant Mind -Part Deux

It must be a miserable thing when the world doesn't work according to the way you think it should as in, it should really revolve around you.  Work schedules should be convenient for your need for extra sleep or lazing about the house as you please. Yet, you should have all of the money necessary for whatever your pleasure.

People should be at your beck and call -waiting by the phone to find out what you need.  Since they have cell phones, they should be able to answer your call 24/7.  When they answer, they should tell you exactly what you want to hear. You don't want to hear what is truth for the rest of the world. That does not apply to you. The reality that the rest of the world lives by is far to inconvenient for you to deal with.
One of the thousands of text message conversations with Red

While we're at it, let's face it, other people really should not have needs or feelings if they disrupt your needs being met at every second of the day. Other people should never be tired or sick.  Why should they need any rest? Why can't they be available 24/7 to answer your every question and listen to your every thought for the 9 millionth time. Too tired to chauffeur you around? That's ridiculous! All you have to do is sit there and push the pedal. How hard could that be? It's not going to kill you. Of course, this begs the question, How would you know since YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT?!

Why on earth would parents need to go on a date or hang out with their friends? Why can't they just be there for you in case you need someone to yell at?

Know anyone who thinks this way?

Well in my last post, "A Brilliant Mind," Red found out that his hours at work had been reduced from 20 to 10 hours per week. I was not happy because that would give him too much time on his hands to sit around the house, idle, bored, inevitably bugging the crap out of me.

His brilliant mind told him that the solution was for us to reduce the amount of rent he pays. So NOT Happening Dude!

The rants and rages went on for days.

He spoke to his Adult Transition teacher about it. She suggested the same thing I did. That he open up his availability at work so they would give him more hours.  He had his availability pretty limited to what would be convenient for him because after all, he needs time to his self that he can be bored and bug the shit out of everyone in this house.

He was livid when he came home from the meeting with his teacher!
"She made me put down that I want to work on Saturdays! She made me do it! If I didn't do it, she was going to yell at me! I'm afraid of her, so I just did it!"
This went on all day long!

Later that evening, he spoke on the phone with another adult mentor who gave him the same story and advice that his teacher did. He listened but was not happy.

The following day he met with his Occupational Therapist.  She is a very soft spoken,  lovely woman who has lots of experience with teenagers and young adults with various abilities. She also has had personal experience with her own children who had special needs. (They are now adults and all out of her house.)  She wrote me an e-mail after their appointment:

"My commits to him regarding his work decision.
You are the one who must live with the decisions you make.
Less hours is less money.  You’ll need to adjust for that.
Life is not predictable, you need to learn to practice flexibility.  
Have faith in yourself to handle it.

He got upset with me a few times, face flushing, biting his lip, and tears in his eyes.  He held it together, took some deep breaths and calmed himself.  I was proud of the control he managed.  He was able to reflect, If my Mom had just said that to me, I’d probably be yelling about now.
He’s starting to show some insights and maturity. "

He held back with her, but continued to give me hell for several days.  He hates change! It brings about fear and anxiety.  It just really pisses him off that the world doesn't work perfectly, according to his plans.

Changes happen and you have to roll with them, but that feels impossible for him. He needs to work through all of that, mostly by yelling at me!

He did however, keep his additional hours of availability for work open. When he received his new schedule for next week, he was scheduled for additional hours, consistently, in the mornings.  No Saturdays ...yet!

He was sick with a pretty bad sore throat the day he got the new schedule. He seemed to take it all in stride, keeping a very calm demeanor. Either that or his throat was hurting so bad, he didn't want to scream. Either way I say,

Dear God,

Good lookin out!  You always come right on time.