Thursday, January 24, 2019

When You Were Sleeping

When you were sleeping 
I snapped this picture last night when you were sleeping just after I laid the blanket over you. You looked up at me, smiled and drifted back off to sleep on the couch in our family room.  I wanted to capture the sweetness of this moment.

Watching you sleep is still one of one of my favorite things. Maybe it's because it reminds me of when you were a baby. You were such a beautiful baby and one thing you did really well, was sleep. Maybe it's because it's the only time that you're quiet when you're around me.

When you come home to visit now, I realize that absence has made my heart grow fonder.  Despite how tough life was when we lived together,  it was hard to let go when it was time for you to move out. But it turns out that the distance between us is healthy. You have to think on your feet more now. You problem solve daily, without my input. I can focus on your brother and finding out who I am now that my biggest job has changed.

I want you to know,  it's the simplest things that make me proud of you. Every day you get up for work, on your own; probably without a clock. You make yourself a healthy breakfast. You go work out and then ride the bus to work early, to ensure that you get there on time. In fact, you give yourself a cushion, arriving most days an hour before you start. You're very conscientious about being on time and never missing a shift.

Do you know how awesome that is? Most people your age are not like that. I wonder does your employer notice your incredible work ethic? It will serve you well throughout your life.

I remember in middle school and high school, being on time was not something you were the least bit interested in. In fact, getting you out of bed and out the door each day left me ready for spiked coffee and a nap. Look at you now. I never could have imagined that you could get up early in the morning, on your own, to be anywhere.

When you came home last night, you hugged me. You smelled good; freshly showered. I noticed right away that your jacket smelled freshly laundered. I was! This boy is on his game! A year ago, you would do your laundry, but things like your jacket and washing sheets weren't on your radar. It required a prompt, and even prompts may be ignored.

I can see that living with your brother is putting the finishing touches on your journey to manhood. You used to wear your hair short so that you wouldn't have to brush it. Now, you brush it after your shower and put on a wave cap as the finishing touch.

I hope that you appreciate your brother half as much as I do. When I'm down and feeling sorry for myself, I think of you two and I am grateful. I could have never imagined him taking on this responsibility a few years ago. Having you come to live with him was his idea. He extended himself and he has really stepped up to the plate.  I think you are helping each other grow.  Seeing where both of you are at this point in your lives, makes my heart sing.

All of the years I thought for sure, I was doing this motherhood thing all wrong. I wasn't sure what adult life would look like for you. The men you are now, responsible, hardworking, positive, contributers to society, and most of all you have loving hearts. It makes me think maybe, I got something right.

Even when you were fighting so hard against us, you were paying attention.

Now, can you convince your little brother to move in with you next?

I am praying for you always...



Saturday, January 5, 2019

The girl

Woke up thinking of the girl
I used to be
wild and free
no responsibility
not afraid
or even cautious
Did you know me?
You could not know
the secrets
so scandalous
I could never be 
First Lady
or President
of the U.S.
my background check
would be a wreck
men friends came and went
wild times were spent
no worries or seriousness
carefree, fun and frivolous
dating for the fun of it
filled countless
hours of freedom
and loneliness
good friends, 
honest and real
true bond to feel
the rest of our lives 
never counting pennies
Would there be enough
Could times be rough
always worked out
despite the tiniest doubt
one job or another
another lover
who wanted just 
enough of me
I saw the forest
and the trees
didn’t scare me
you might say brave
but definitely
I was free