"Boredom in teenage boys is a powerful motivation for chaos." -Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore
"Mom...I got my hours from work and they've been cut to 10 hours a week."
He's been averaging 20 hours. He could stand to do at least 30 during the summer. He needs to stay busy. Boredom for him means trouble ...chaos.
He does have a 3 week summer film internship, which is awesome but he needs to fill the rest of his days with activity. And by activity, I mean things that don't include me!
My immediate response was panic. Great! What in the hell is he going to do with all of that time on his hands?!
"Why do you think they did that?" I say, trying to sound calm.
"It's the summer. Some college students are back at work. We hired more people, so they cut everyone's hours."
Thats's bullshit! That doesn't make any sense!
"You've been there for over a year solid and they cut your hours to make room for someone new? Or someone who just came back? Does that sound right to you?"
Either he needs to get this fixed this or he needs to work somewhere else. But how do I approach this with him delicately?
"Well, what are you going to do for money? After you buy groceries, you won't have much left for entertainment, dates, movies, eating out." I ask casually, trying not to change my expression or the tone of my voice.
He looks at me like I have 3 eyes. "I don't know! But I don't want to work Saturdays or Sundays. I need time to myself."
"Time to yourself? To do what? You won't have any money." Still trying to sound calm.
He hisses at me, or maybe he growls, I don't remember. He definitely gives me that angry look. He's getting pissed!
The conversation goes on. I excuse myself. I tell him it's because I don't appreciate his tone. It's quite upsetting and it's the second time in one evening that he's used it towards me.
He finally decides to text his boss and tell him that he would like to have more consistent hours and that he would like to work at least 20 hours per week ...but hopefully during the week. (Because he doesn't want to work Saturdays.)
WTF? You need to work whenever there are hours available! I think, but bite my tongue and do not say.
What I do say is this, "Well, I will not be around on Saturday's and Sunday's to transport you anywhere. I plan on doing some traveling this summer. You won't have any money. So that "time to yourself may end up being here, alone with Nana." He really didn't want to here that!
Cut to this morning before work...
"Is there anyway you can cut my rent down because they cut my hours?"
Bahahahaha! You're kidding me right? Where's the hidden camera?
"If you were in an apartment, do you think they would care that your hours got cut? Would they be like, Oh hey! that's cool. Just pay what you can."
"I know that but...you're not teaching me anything by making life harder for me."
"Actually, I'm teaching you how the real world works. If I make it comfortable for you to work less hours, what incentive would you have to work more?"
"Well, I need Saturdays to myself."
"To do what? On Saturday mornings you're knocking on our door when we are still sleeping. Or you're out here on the futon flipping the wooden arms up and down to make noise. By the middle of the day you're bored and when you're bored, you start to get into trouble, arguing and fighting with everyone. Do you like money? Why wouldn't you want to be busy and make more money?"
"I need time to relax."
HA!
"You know what son. I have to give it to you. You are really smart!"
"What do you mean?" He asks with a half smile.
"It takes a brilliant mind to come up with that solution. Cut your rent down? That's brilliant! It's not going to work, but it lets me know your'e really good at problem solving."
Who do I look like? Boo boo the fool?
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago