Wednesday, November 5, 2014


I feel like I'm swimming upstream, against the current, all alone.  Everyone, in this house, including the person I am trying to help seems like they're working against me.

I've been busting my ass getting Red connected with services.  Week before last, I met with his Adult Transition team through the school district.  The best thing to come out of that meeting is that the Occupational Therapist is now coming out to our home to work with him on budgeting and some behavior issues. She told me straight out to give up a lot of the power struggles and let him make his own mistakes with his money.  She encouraged me to put him more in charge of his own life so that he can actually feel the pain of being an adult. As you may have read in my last post "Mama's Boy" , I've been trying to do that.

The following week we met with our local MHMR (our county Mental Health agency)  for an intake. This was like a 2 hour meeting just to get the ball rolling with what supports they may be able to  offer him.  The best thing so far that I heard from them, is they can give us Respite Care, where some will come into our home to give us a break.  They can also do Community Supports training where some one will come out and take him into the community to work on different skills, such as money management, shopping, etc.  They could also do Case Management, and help him with community living options (such as a group home) if we were to go in that direction.

This week I did an intake with DARS (Department of Rehabilitative Services).  I could do a whole blog post about the services that they offer, and I will, but I want to get to another point.

Hubby is working and traveling and has not been able to come to one of these meetings.  I basically have to try to regurgitate a shitload of information to him once I finally see him, which is usually a few days after the meeting. I don't half-way understand all of the information that's coming my way, but I'm doing my best to figure it all out.

What I know for sure, is that there is help.  There is supports available to turn our young man into an independent adult.  The ultimate goal is independence!  I can see it far, far away in the horizon.  I need glasses to see it, but I know it's there!

What do I get from hubby as I'm trying to share all of this information? I get, "Bottom line, when can we get him out of here? He's acting like an ass! And I'm sick of it! Well, hello! I'm sick of it too! I'm the primary person dealing with it, face to face while you earn a living to take care of our family. I'm ready for all of this crap, including his behaviors to go away like...yesterday! Unfortunately, it's just not that simple.

Red tries to make improvements and then he turns around and takes 10 steps backward.  Last night he bought a new printer.  He came to his dad and demanded that he help him set it up! Now! Loudly! Obnoxiously!

In what world does that work? I'm trying to help set you up for the best possible life dude and then you just act like pure ass.  He was even crappy with me once we got home from the bank and other errands yesterday, which is why today ...he will not be riding in my car.  He will be paying someone else for a ride.

He needs some behavior therapies, which DARS says they will pay for!  Hallelujah! He needs all kinds of things that I am working on putting in place for him but,  it feels like I'm working alone and everyone in this house, is working against me. Hence,  I am swimming upstream. I'm up a creek without a paddle! Dad is taking all rude (Aspergers) behavior personally.  Red is continually being  ungrateful and rude.  He's always talking out of his ass saying things that make no sense, both for attention and sometimes, just to piss us off.

The counselor at DARS told me, "The easy route to a group home is not necessarily the best route for his ultimate success."  It's putting a bandaid on the situation not really treating it. It's like taking a few steps sideways instead of forward. Ultimately, creating more work to get him on the road to independence.

I can't seem to get Dad or Red to see the big picture. I'm frustrated! I'm tired! And again, I'm frustrated!

Motherhood ...the job you can't quit. No matter how much you would like to!

Dad and I need therapy to get us through this in one piece.