Marching For Muscles

This has been a great week of progress for Blue.  Which has been a blessing, because on the other hand, I have been facing some real challenges with Red.  In fact, I've been so bitter about the latter, that I haven't been able to write anything for a couple of days.  As I process my feelings, I will be writing about it --so stay tuned.  Thankfully, I finally have something positive to say so here goes...

First this week Blue decided to try the food in the cafeteria!  This is major.  He hasn't eaten cafeteria food since...I don't know....before he could talk!  When he learned to speak in sentences his first words were, "Hell no! I don't want any of that crap!" (just kidding).  Well, he saw a friend eating oven fried chicken and it looked good,  so his Social Skills teacher suggested that he give the cafeteria a try.  (I will be forever in her debt.)  The following day, he did.  First a baked potato, then a corn dog, and he ended the week with a cheeseburger!

 Do you know what this means? I don't have to make lunch for him in the morning! Yay!  This is big! Big! Huge!  He topped of the week by also riding the bus in the morning!  No lunch, no ride --independence! Load of my shoulders! I'm turning cartwheels!

Second, Blue received his report card for the last 6 weeks.  He kept it going with the straight A's!  Yeah baby! That's my boy!  (Well actually --that's his daddy boy.  I never made straight A's.)

Third, we participated in the MDA Muscle Walk in support of one of his best friends, Jacob. Here are a few pics:

Blue and Bestie Jacob

Marching for Muscles

Making Muscles by pulling a firetruck! 

Of all the feelings I have had to deal with this week, the best ones are Love and Pride...

Computer Heaven

This is the conversation over breakfast this morning with Red, my 15 year-old:

"Mom can you talk in heaven?"

"I don't know son.  I've never been to heaven,  but I assume you can."

"Can you use your computer in heaven?"

"Nope! All of your THINGS stay on earth.  You can't take them with you.



But who knows, there may be something better than computers in heaven."

"Not in my world," he mumbles.

"Well...that's the thing son.  It's not YOUR world.  You won't be able to tell God how to run heaven."

(Like he tries to tell me how things should work here on earth.)

"From what I understand son, heaven is a wonderful place.  There is no sickness, no pain, no sadness."

"You mean I won't have Aspergers there?"

"Nope!  No Aspergers," I say

"Then why can't God make it like that down here?"

This is a question I am not prepared to answer. 

I kind of giggle inside at the naivety of this his questions.  They seem like questions and thoughts that would come from a much younger child.  (He is now sitting at the table tearing up a paper bowl for no apparent reason.  Then he decides to pout and put his head down on the table, as if to tell me --I am not getting ready for school right now  --kind of like a 5 year-old)

At the same time, his questions and statements are indicative of the way he thinks.  The world should run according to Red's reality, instead of Red living according to the way of the world.  This is the way of his Aspie mind. 

As I drive home from taking him at school,  it is quiet and I can think clearly for the first time in this day.  Sadly I  begin to wonder if he asking me about heaven because he's thinking about death?

Suddenly,  his questions don't seem so naive. 

___________________________________________________________________

Birthday Blue -Part Two

It comes down to this...when I was a kid, my mother became a Jehovah's witness therefore, so did I.  I'm still recovering from the damage.  We did not celebrate birthdays or Christmas and I've been making up for it every since.  I make my own birthday last for at least a month.  I give my husband holy-hell if he doesn't turn cartwheels to spoil me.  Most of all,  I make absolutely sure that my children have great memories of their birthdays.

Our tradition is to start with pancakes or waffles in the morning with a candle and me singing "Happy Birthday." (Dad is never awake for this -or he's traveling on business.)  I usually bring lunch to school and cupcakes, cookies or whatever  (at least during elementary).  The fait accompli is a home-made fried chicken dinner or a choice of your favorite restaurant.  Sometimes there's a party with friends, other times, there's a weekend trip and other times it's just a family-night out.

This year Blue had friends over to hang out and play video games, shoot a few hoops and watch inappropriate videos on You-tube.  He had the twins over whom he has known since pre-k.  His friend Josh who was his best friend and classmate from 1st to 4th grade.  They still get together to play since Josh moved on to another school in 5th and 6th.  He also had Jake an elementary school friend who has since moved on to another middle school.  Finally, a new friend that is in his social skills group at his new middle school.

Some of these guys have special needs, some do not.  They are a wonderful bunch and Blue is blessed to have them as friends.

We took the party over to the elementary school where their friendships all began.  Mom got a little nostalgic and teary at the thought of how long they have known and supported each other.

I think my emotion is raw because of what Red is going through right now.  He has lost touch with all of his elementary friends and struggles to make new friendships in high-school.   We were blessed today that he had a session with his new Social Skills counselor which also involved meeting a new friend.

Can we take a silly one? Of course you can!
(Jake-not pictured)

OK...my ego is bruised because I'm dropping in the ranks on TOP Mommy 
Please CLICK And Vote!!!

Happy Birthday to Blue

Today we celebrate Blue and the beginning of his 12th year of life.  There is much to celebrate as he has come such a long way over the past year.  You may be wondering why I refer to the boys as Red and Blue.  Well..when I started seriously blogging I thought the colors suited their personalities.  Red is the explosive like dynamite.  (Today is not his day so I'm not going to go in to detail about him.) Last year in 5th grade, Blue was very sad, anxious and kind of...Blue.

He started to feel different than his peers and he wasn't quite sure why.  He loathed the fact that his anxiety was so high -that he was deathly afraid of thunderstorms.  He felt defeated every time he had the compulsion to hide in the bathroom with fan, earplugs and IPod for hours on end.  He had frequent misunderstandings with classmates and sometimes with teachers.  P.E. was a nightmare with so many kids and so much noise.

It made him sad when he would get angry and say mean things, and subsequently feel really bad about it afterward.  He couldn't control his anger.  He knew that some of his classmates thought he was a little "weird".  He tried desperately to please them and fit in.  He wanted to be funny like the popular boys so he tried to imitate them, but the kids didn't laugh.    

1 year and a small dosage of medication later, he has come into his own.  As he celebrates his 12th birthday, he has a 4.0 grade point average and has been invited to participate in some wonderful challenging classes and activities.  He now works well with his peers and has developed excellent leadership qualities.  He is still not in love with thunderstorms, but they no longer bring life to a grinding halt.  He's getting there on that one.

His fuse is a little longer than it used to be.  For instance today at school some kid called him chubby and he didn't go ballistic.  He didn't go running to a teacher either.  In fact, he didn't say anything.  It hurt his feelings enough to tell me about it, but he readily excepted my explanation:

"Sometimes middle-school boys are just rude and silly.  There will be a fare share of name-calling mostly because they are insecure and want to make themselves feel better.  You just have to try to ignore it, unless it makes you really uncomfortable, then you let them know."

"That's why I am so glad I have you, because you love me more than anyone," he responded.  My heart absolutely melts.

I told him I still remember the teasing I got in middle school when my nose was much bigger than the rest of my face.  They called me "Sir Nose".  Lovely! My nose is still on the grander side of life, but I have learned to live with it.  I even have my days when I think I'm pretty darn cute! Make-up helps  a lot!

This weekend he will have an all boys birthday party here at the house.  They will play games, eat pizza and just hang out.  The party will include a friend he has known since 1st grade who has since moved on to another school.  He will also have the twins that he has known since pre-school and a new friend he made this year.  For someone with Aspergers he's doing pretty darn well in the friendship department.  Of course, some of his friends also have special needs but they all get along great.

Birthday Pancakes 7 a.m. Thanks Mom!

Home-made fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, salad and finally Birthday Cake!

I am so proud of my birthday boy! He makes me glad I decided to try one more time for a girl. Instead, I got the most special boy a mom could ask for.

Pray with Me Today

Dear Lord,

Please open the heart and mind of my son today.  

Help him to feel the love of his family and friends both near and far.

Help him to recognize your love and see that you and your son reside within his heart.

Help him to love himself as you love him -as I love him.  

Help him to realize that what he is going through is just temporary. 

Help him to see his future as a positive one -that high school is just a means to an end.  

Help him to find at least one special friend who will be a positive influence and help him feel supported at school.  

Let someone reach out to him today.  

Help him to reach out in service to others.  

Let helping others, even in a small way, fill his heart with gladness. 

Keep his thought process positive. 

Bless him with a smile on his face so that others feel invited in to his heart. 

Lift his head to the sky. 

Guide me to continue to put the right supports in place for him.  

Help us to parent him with patience, love and balanced discipline.  

Guide those employed to assist him to come up with creative ideas. 

Let our home be a refuge and haven from the storms of life.  

Let it be a peaceful place where love flows. 

In Jesus name

Amen

Commercial Love Day

I really hate the whole commerciality of Valentines Day.  I have this vision of retailers salivating at the thought of getting some of our money.   You have the cheesy jewelry commercials.  Flowers and balloons are everywhere!  The mailbox is full of ads.  I just think...what kind of suckers do they think we are? We don't need any freakin' gifts for Valentines Day.  For heaven's sake, Al and I have been married for 17 years.  I know he loves me and I love him.  We don't need to go spend money to prove it.

Last year I made him a picture for Valentines Day.  It was in oil pastel  --two golden hearts linked together.   I mean doesn't that say it all?  No money spent...bam!  Here it is.  I can't even remember if he bought me anything.  I'm sure he bought flowers, and I'm sure I didn't cook.  We probably ordered in or something.  I can't even remember what we did for sure.  One year just runs into another when you've been married for so long.

I do however remember making him something with my own two hands.  It still hangs in our living room.  That's what this love day should be about.  Giving something you made -from your heart.

<< Here it is.

Well so much for that soapbox...today, we broke the rules.  He offered to take the afternoon off and take me to out to lunch.  (Cha-ching$$) So off we go to North a fancy Italian place in the Domain a fancy-smancy outdoor shopping center.  I have a calamari and arugula salad with some kind of lemon dressing...yum!  He has baked ziti.  Very fresh -delicious!

After lunch we go for a walk through the outdoor shopping area.  Oops  --I forgot my sunglasses.  We go into Brighton and he buys me a new pair. (Cha-ching$$$)  My old ones have scratches on them.  They are overpriced.  I seldom buy anything that is not on sale.  But hey -it's Valentines Day.  He's feeling generous...I go for it.  Such a hypocrite!

On the way home we stop to pick up lunch for my mom and a special Valentine treat for Blue.  Since Red told me emphatically that he "hates Valentines Day!"  I wouldn't want him to benefit from a day that he hates. I mean...what an insult that would be.  After all, he just about cursed us out after we took him to his favorite restaurant for dessert last night.

We break another rule and buy flowers for my mom before we head home.  (Cha-Ching$$)

We arrive home and Blue has gone "out for a walk."  He walked to Walgreens to buy me and Dad chocolates and a card.  I have 3 sons.  2 of them are older, 22 and 15.  He is 12 and the 1ST to buy cards and gifts without prompting!

So sweet!  So thoughtful! 

Red comes home and gives us the wonderful gift of a nice screaming rant about how much he hates Valentines Day. "It's not even real!  It's just a fake holiday!"   He goes off to his room and proceeds to tell the facebook world "F*#! Valentines Day!"  We stop him just before he clicks post.  I tell him that he can express his negative feelings about the day without swearing.

"What do you think your grandmother, your cousins, aunts and uncles will think about you if they read  language like that coming from you?"

Of course, he hadn't given that any thought.  He changes his mind, but continues to rant about how horrible his life is.  -Just Lovely!

What a miserable existence -to feel so angry most of the time.  I ache for him --literally.  I will not however, let this completely ruin my day.

For the most part ...it really was a great Valentines Day.

I failed to mention my favorite part of the day:

As we walk through the shopping area we hear the Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta Song "You're the One That I Want".  Hubby and I are holding hands.  We break into full song and dance right there in the middle of the sidewalk like were in the musical "Grease."  People are looking and smiling.  The spontaneity of that moment was priceless.

That moment, the card and especially the thought from Blue made it a nearly perfect Valentines Day, despite the fact that we made the local retailers happy.

White Chocolate Macadamia

It's an absolutely perfect Sunday.  We go from freezing temperatures during the week to seventy degrees and sunshine.  I go into the backyard to do poop patrol and to pick up a few weeds.  The sun feels so good, I decide I can't possibly go back inside.  I have to take advantage of it.

I sit my bottom on the bottom of the slide on our playscape which is drenched in sun.  I lay back.  Five minutes later, my back can't take it.  I can no longer lay on my back without cushion.  I pull the cushion off of the bench and put it on the slide.  I position it just right so that Harry (my dog) and I can lay down. It is so peaceful --so quiet, I meditate. I fall asleep.

I am awakened of course, by Blue who comes to ask me where I want to go have dinner.  We decide on a new place that has a little bit of everything in hopes to satisfy everyone.  I tell Red that we will leave promptly at 4 p.m.  If he wants to go, he must be ready on time.  We will not wait.  Surprisingly, he agrees, and is actually ready on time.  Of course, he has to argue about where we are going because it's somewhere we have never been.  All things must be familiar.  The place has cheeseburgers.  That's all that should really matter.

We arrive at the restaurant which is not very crowded at all.  That should have been the first sign that the food wouldn't be all that great.  Red decides not to sit with us, but to sit at the table next to us.  Whatever -the place is nearly empty.  He actually puts his head down on the table laying his upper body on it as well.

"Are you too weak to hold your body up?" I ask.

"No...I'm just bored," he replies.

"Do you see anyone else in this entire restaurant laying down on the table?"

He looks around.

"No."

"That's because it's inappropriate.  A restaurant is not a place for a nap."

He sits up but his shoulders are slumped over  --his body is in the shape of the letter C.  He is wearing a sharp, fitted Calvin Klein shirt which could make his upper body look quite attractive.  The effect is ruined by his slumping shoulders.  I give him a mirrored image of himself and ask, "Would you be attracted to a girl if you saw her sitting like this?"

"Stop it mom!" he says as he sits up straighter.

Dinner is less than fulfilling for all of us.  I bring up the idea of going somewhere else for dessert.  Blue perks up with a huge smile on his face. "Dessert! That's just what I need right now," he says excitedly.

"I want to go home! I don't want to go anywhere else!"

Discreetly, I ask my husband what he thinks about going to BJ's  Red's favorite place for dessert.  He agrees.  We make the announcement to the kids, suddenly we get a huge uncharacteristic smile out of Red.  He absolutely loves their white chocolate macadamia cookie with ice cream on top.

BJ's Famous Pizookie®

The Gorgeous $5000 (cost of braces) smile that we don't often get to see!

Yum! From the grateful one...

The smile from Red was solicited before he goes off on us about not having enough dessert, because I didn't let him order the large one.  He goes on a fifteen minute rant about how unfair we are.  How he hates he brother, because of course Blue is being gracious and Red can't stand that.   

Gotta love it! Or NOT... 

Happy Valentines Day! May your day filled with Love.

Please Vote and Comment...or Both!