OMG! It's Summer?

Subconsciously, I was trying not to think about the fact that summer is staring me in the face until the subject came up in therapy.

"Your summer will be very different from years past. Have you thought about how that will look for you and what you want to do?"

Me? Do? Summer? I'm not used to thinking about what I am going to do for the summer. It's usually all about what am I going to do with and for the boys. What activities and camps will I find for them? How much more driving will I have to do in this Texas heat? How will I keep them entertained and from killing each other or being kicked out of all of the city pools like in this blog ~"Down Dog."

Too much togetherness has never been good for our family's mental health. Summers have been the bain of my existence since the kids have been in adolescence. I have come to loathe what used to be one of my favorite seasons. It has become a time when I get more anxious, sad and depressed.

Usually this time of year, I'm visiting my doctor's office in a panic that my anti-anxiety/depressant isn't working anymore. Increase the dose! Please! I don't think I can make it through the summer without someone being seriously injured. 

If you have followed my blog for a while, you may have read some of our summer stories. "Lost My Happy" and "Very Aspergery Day" (which was hilarious, in a painful kind of way) are just a couple of them.

Last summer was definitely no "Bed of Roses." Red's behavior was at an all time high of suckiness. I don't even want to think about all of the details.

This summer will be divergent from the norm for us. For one, Red has moved out of the house, and I am no longer responsible for entertaining him. Can I get a hallelujah? He has arranged for his schedule to be very busy for the summer (key word here -HE arranged). He will be working an average of 25 hours a week or more. Work will be followed by working out at the gym where he is employed.  The group home will be providing his transportation to work so ...YAY ME!

When Red is busy and has a structured schedule, his behavior and anxiety are so much better. It gives his mind less time to wander and worry about all of the "what if's" of life.

Exactly what Blue will be doing is still up in the air. Why? Because he is 17 and no longer allows me to plan his life. I know for sure he will be taking driving lessons, and he will work on his required parent taught"driving hours" to get his license. Only, I won't be the parent teaching him. We will have to hire a "parent" because we would end up killing each other. He and his father are like fire and gasoline these days. He will also be taking a class through our local community college.

He says he wants to get a job, although he has yet to look for one. And who am I to try to prod him along? I would like very much for him to do some traveling ...without me. However, I have to get him to agree and figure out if and when he will be working before I can plan anything with or for him. So yeah. Good times. 

As for me, my plan is to take a bit of a break from the blog. I will check in every once in a while with a quick update. However, I want to use the majority of my creative energy on some other projects

Many of my readers have been asking me to write a book based on this blog. I would like to focus on that.  I've been writing this blog for seven years, so figuring out how to dissect it and give a hindsight perspective will be a major project.  If you know of any editors or publishers who may be interested in helping me get my stories into a book, please feel free to contact me. (wesleyweave@gmail.com)  Seriously! Please! Help!!! I am called to do this, but overwhelmed by the idea at the same time.

In the meantime, I hope to open up the blog to some of my readers, fellow autism parents and adults or even teens on the spectrum to share their stories.  If you have a story you would like to share or know someone who does; please contact me. I will be glad to help you polish it.

The Pacific Ocean in Kona, Hawaii

For the first time in 20 years, I plan to focus on self-care this summer. I will be exercising, traveling, writing and trying to be creative. I hope to put my feet in as many bodies of water as I possibly can. I will also be working on a few home improvement projects. My home has been severely neglected for the past few years.

My husband and I already have an exciting trip planned. Of course, I only have a general idea of what I will do with my mother and Blue while we're gone.  I find that I still get an extra dose of anxiety planning any get-away because there are usually so many details to work out. I'm trying to get over it, which is, of course, easier said than done.

This freedom is a strange, untethered feeling. It's kind of like I'm blowing in the wind, but I will try to make the best of it.

I will be in touch. I'm a Facebook addict, so there will always be updates there.

Love and blessings,

~Karen 

Assholism

Over the past few weeks we have been dealing with some medication changes.  Emotions have been running high. Anger has been vast. We have experienced some ugly breakdowns  (parents) and witnessed meltdowns (19 year-old ). His body's chemistry has been going through some serious changes. I am so pissed off about that, I could choke a Psychiatrist or two right about now (but that's another post).  

So he may not be able to completely control his emotional and physical reactions to medications. The question that has been lingering in my mind is, What can he control? What behaviors are a result of his medication being out of whack? What is the result of autism, things that may never change? What is the result of just plain old assholism? 

What is assholism you may ask? I’m going to get that word patented, by the way. Assholism is the choice to act like an asshole. It can be an addiction of sorts…where you just gravitate towards those assholish behaviors without any forethought. The individual could be addicted to the pay off they receive by choosing such behaviors. As in -I know that will really piss that person off. I bet this will make this person scream or cry. That will be funny.

It could just be, I’m feeling bad …and it will make me feel better if someone else is feeling as miserable as I am.  Perhaps it’s just, I’m a hormonal teenager and I think I know everything! Let me show you that you don’t!

Some may draw the conclusion that I’m trying to compare autism to assholism. That is not my intention. Assholism can happen to anyone. For instance, my 86 year-old father can act like an asshole especially, to people who care for him.  It’s one thing to be a cranky old man. It’s another thing to curse people out and call them insulting names that degrade or defile them.  That’s just uneccessary. 

Side story: This man, my father, (his friends call him Hollywood) recently escaped from his 3rd locked skilled nursing facility, where he was supposed to be getting therapy so that he can walk after taking a fall. Note: He can not walk unassisted! 

He didn’t like it there. He felt he wasn’t getting the care he deserved or wanted. He had cursed out several nurses and therapists, being a very uncooperative patient. Quite frankly, I believe that he just doesn’t want to die in one of those facilities.  He wants his freedom and wants to go out on his own terms. 

So, he had someone help get him half-way dressed and into a wheelchair. He parked the wheelchair by the front doors and pretended to be asleep until an ambulance showed up and the doors opened. He rolled himself out, down the street and around the corner,caught the train and then a bus, to make it back home to his apartment, where he still -can not walk!  I have to say this about him, he may act out.  At the same time, he’s kind of a bad-ass to make it out of a locked facility and all the way across town without being able to walk.

I'm thinking of making a movie short about his life on the run as a senior citizen in a wheelchair.  (Some people make think it's wrong to say your senior citizen, father with dementia is acting like an asshole. To those people -I'm sorry.) Actually, not really. 

We all know at least one person who acts like an asshole.  Some of our lives are full of them. Assholism can happen to anyone. It doesn’t discriminate.  It happens to most teenagers at some point during adolescence. It is heightened by puberty between the ages of 12-14.  Just because our kids are on the autism spectrum, does not mean they are immune to it. In fact, that may just mean that it is intensified times a thousand.

Last week, we witnessed what outwardly appeared to be a pretty horrible, autistic meltdown.  Our family room was pretty much turned upside down.  Our son was livid, primarily because he wanted something and could not have it in the exact moment he wanted it. 

Granted, the fuse that lit his anger was no doubt shorter than usual due to his body chemistry being off.  But was it a meltdown or a horrible tantrum to get us to do what he wanted us to do? He seemed pretty out of control in the midst of it, screaming to the top of his lungs and throwing things.

However, in the aftermath -we noted that not one single item in his bedroom had been touched. Everything remained exactly where it was pre-meltdown.  It was only our things that had been displaced. We also noted how quickly he pulled it together so he could make it to work on time. 

That’s one of those things that makes you go, ...Hmmm. How much control does he actually have? 

I offer to cook you a meal and you give me attitude, "I don't want that!" When last week when I was out of town,  you ate the very same thing without complaint. Assholism. Make your own dinner. If you can control your attitude with your dad but not with me, that sounds like a choice. 

When you walk around like everyone owes you something and yet you don't treat them respect -that'sassholism. It's a choice that will not win you any favors from me. 

The other day I posted this meme on Facebook. 

I made this one night as I sat in my room thinking, medication has nothing to do with assholism.  It's a bad habit.  You have to recognize it as such. Motivation to break a bad habit has to be internal. The individual has to be willing make a better choices.  Otherwise, you may find yourself up a creek without a paddle or a person to assist you down the creek.  

Feel free to share this post with the assholes in your life. Together, we can change 

the world.

~~~~~~~~

Hello friends …

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to complete a blog post. When traumatic things are happening in my life my feelings are to raw to express without saying more than I probably should say publicly. I’ve always been a pretty open book on this blog, but as one of my boys is seriously staring some heavy issues in the face, I have mixed emotions about sharing his journey. Unfortunately, my journey is undeniably linked to his. As much as I would love for us to go our own separate ways. Well, that’s a whole other story. 

I hope you enjoyed this bit of humor today.  Remember, if it's not offensive to someone, it probably not funny. 

Thanks for following!