My friend Roma is a middle school math teacher, a single mother of a beautiful, precious, smart little girl. Roma was born in Cambodia and has lived here in the states since she was a little girl. I love what she brings into my life via her culture and background. Better yet, I love that she is taking the time and interest in my children enough to drag them kicking and screaming to go exercise.
When I would take Red myself, sometimes he would work hard, other times he wouldn't. Many times, I couldn't even get him out the door. I fight so many fights on a given day, that it didn't seem worth it to fight this one tooth and nail.
Everyday when Roma calls to say she's on her way, Red goes through his song and dance of excuses why he can't go. She has none of it. He whines and complains. She totally ignores him. She gets him to walk that track, walk the tread mill or elliptical to burn those calories, and release those endorphins. He comes home with an elevated mood, a little more self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment every time. Her goal for him is to help him feel better mentally and physically.
If you've been reading this blog for long you know that he is dying to go out with "Hot Girls". Unfortunately, between his medication and high carb diet, he has gained a bit of weight in the past two years. He has no clue that he needs a lot more than a nice body to get ANY girl, but getting more fit will be a good start.
He listens to her so much better than he ever listens to me so, I give her the ball and let her roll with it. She does not accept "No" for an answer.
Her daughter has become like the little sister the boys never had. She's smart, precocious and like her mama doesn't take any crap! She pushes Red and Blue around and watches them to make sure they are doing what her mama tells them to do at the gym. The other day, she popped Red in the back a couple of times, trying to get him out the door to go work out. It was so funny! This pic is from one day when he burned 519 calories on the elliptical. She made him carry her on his back as a sort of victory dance.
So as we're riding home from the gym last night, he turns to me and says,
"You know Mom...you really are the best mom ever."
WTH? Where did that come from? Is he serious? I look at him in disbelief.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because you always support me."
I really don't know what to do with this. Is he just talking? Does he really mean what he's saying?
These are the words every mom lives her entire life to hear. Does he REALLY see me? Does he REALLY appreciate all that I am doing from him? Could this boy who is ordinarily totally self-centered, truly mean what he's saying. Wow...it's really too bad that I have to question it's validity, but I'm just...shocked!
I muster up a, "Thank you son." While a million thoughts run through my head.
'You're damned right I support you! Thanks to me you have a Person Centered Planner (like a Life Coach), and she's not just any old one. She's the best one in the entire school district! You have a personal Video Teacher that I found for you through our Aspergers Meetup group. You have job coaches, thanks to my advocating for you at school. I just sent you to L.A. to spend time with your family who loves, cares and supports you. And now you have your very own personal trainer thanks to my friend!'
He has a grand village of people that are helping him to be the best he can be. His pastor picks him up for church every Sunday, mentors him, answers his phone calls, and comes to his Person Centered Planning meetings. Our friends, all give him personal attention, pep talks and reality checks. I have a great relationship with the Special Education Lead at his school. She works hard to get him the support and programming that he needs there. Oh and his PCPlanner, is also an Administrator in the Special Education Department in our district. I have a good relationship with her as well. She is 100% in his corner. This boy is blessed! And I work my ass off to keep it that way.
I hope that he really meant what he said about me being the best mom ever. I will go ahead and think positively that he did. Whatever the case may be, I know for sure...is that he is absolutely right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love to read your comments.
When I would take Red myself, sometimes he would work hard, other times he wouldn't. Many times, I couldn't even get him out the door. I fight so many fights on a given day, that it didn't seem worth it to fight this one tooth and nail.
Everyday when Roma calls to say she's on her way, Red goes through his song and dance of excuses why he can't go. She has none of it. He whines and complains. She totally ignores him. She gets him to walk that track, walk the tread mill or elliptical to burn those calories, and release those endorphins. He comes home with an elevated mood, a little more self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment every time. Her goal for him is to help him feel better mentally and physically.
If you've been reading this blog for long you know that he is dying to go out with "Hot Girls". Unfortunately, between his medication and high carb diet, he has gained a bit of weight in the past two years. He has no clue that he needs a lot more than a nice body to get ANY girl, but getting more fit will be a good start.
He listens to her so much better than he ever listens to me so, I give her the ball and let her roll with it. She does not accept "No" for an answer.
So as we're riding home from the gym last night, he turns to me and says,
"You know Mom...you really are the best mom ever."
WTH? Where did that come from? Is he serious? I look at him in disbelief.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because you always support me."
I really don't know what to do with this. Is he just talking? Does he really mean what he's saying?
These are the words every mom lives her entire life to hear. Does he REALLY see me? Does he REALLY appreciate all that I am doing from him? Could this boy who is ordinarily totally self-centered, truly mean what he's saying. Wow...it's really too bad that I have to question it's validity, but I'm just...shocked!
I muster up a, "Thank you son." While a million thoughts run through my head.
'You're damned right I support you! Thanks to me you have a Person Centered Planner (like a Life Coach), and she's not just any old one. She's the best one in the entire school district! You have a personal Video Teacher that I found for you through our Aspergers Meetup group. You have job coaches, thanks to my advocating for you at school. I just sent you to L.A. to spend time with your family who loves, cares and supports you. And now you have your very own personal trainer thanks to my friend!'
He has a grand village of people that are helping him to be the best he can be. His pastor picks him up for church every Sunday, mentors him, answers his phone calls, and comes to his Person Centered Planning meetings. Our friends, all give him personal attention, pep talks and reality checks. I have a great relationship with the Special Education Lead at his school. She works hard to get him the support and programming that he needs there. Oh and his PCPlanner, is also an Administrator in the Special Education Department in our district. I have a good relationship with her as well. She is 100% in his corner. This boy is blessed! And I work my ass off to keep it that way.
I hope that he really meant what he said about me being the best mom ever. I will go ahead and think positively that he did. Whatever the case may be, I know for sure...is that he is absolutely right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love to read your comments.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago