The script/dialog all morning and afternoon...
Him:
I changed my mind about that group home.
I don't trust you mom.
If I move there, they will make me eat nasty food.
I'll have to get up at 5:30 in the morning! I can't get up that early!
I will be so tired.
I think you're just trying to ruin my life.
You will do anything to ruin my life.
I think you're just manipulating me, by telling me I might like it.
(He has been offered the opportunity to try it out for a few days).
You're going to make me lose everything! My girlfriend, my church family, my friends!
If I change my behavior, will you give me one more chance to stay at home?
You really haven't tried everything yet.
What about that behavior therapist?
What about changing my medication?
I know I need to change, but you really need to change.
I know I'm nice to other people. That's because I like them.
Do I have to fake it like I like you guys?
Do I have to be all nice like cousin Courtney?
Being nice comes naturally to him.
It doesn't feel right for me to be that nice.
You know that's hard for me right?
Do you understand how I feel?
You will do anything so that I will move somewhere and not be able to buy more video equipment.
If I move there, I won't be able to keep running my own business.
Me:
You're not running a business. You're running a hobby which allows you to buy more and more video equipment. Right now you have so much equipment, it would take two more people's hands to manage it during a shoot. You don't have two more people who know anything about making videos.
Him:
At that group home, the house is closed during the day. What if I need to go back to work on a video project?
Me:
You haven't worked on a video project in months. Even when you have one, you don't work on it during the day. You come home from school or work and follow me around the house talking most of the day or you're watching Sponge Bob.
Him:
You don't support my passion!
Me:
Your passion is for buying equipment and watching You-Tube videos about movie making. You don't actually make movies. You don't actually practice or get involved in the local movie making community like your counselor suggested that you do. You do event shooting if a job is dropped in your lap. If you would do more things to develop your passion, get more education, interact with the local Austin Film Society, practice more. I would fully support it.
Him: Harry! Harry! Come here Harry!(In a very high pitched squeal. Harry runs away.)
Me: Leave the dog alone.
Him: But I really love his cuteness. I just want to feel his cuteness.
(This is an everyday, multiple times a day, script along with the action of chasing the 6 1/2 pound dog, like the 250 pound Jolly Green Giant.)
I leave the kitchen to go to my room to get dressed to go to the grocery store. Harry follows me to get away from being chased. Harry regularly runs to hide if he hears Red coming into a room.
Hubby and I are listening to music in our bedroom. When I open the door...
Him: Why do you listen to that rap music when you know I hate it?
They are cursing and talking about shaking butts!
You're really making me angry.
You're just trying to piss me off!
Turn that music off!
We keep listening and dancing ...releasing a little stress. This is my house last time I checked.
I take him to the grocery store, so that he can buy his own groceries. I have been avoiding the place like the plague for a week, so I need to shop too. At this point, I have already had it with him. I can't take listening to another pissing, moaning, complaint. I put on my headphones as we enter the store. I play the Prince station on Pandora. I do this often, even when I'm by myself. It makes grocery shopping a little less painful.
I send him begrudgingly on his way with his list. He would rather follow me around. I.Can.Not.Do.It.
Every time I run into him, in the store the dialog starts again...
Him:
I can't live in that group home.
I don't trust you mom.
If I move there, they will make me eat nasty food!
I'll have to get up at 5:30 in the morning! I can't get up that early!
I will be so tired.
I think you're just trying to ruin my life.
You will do anything to ruin my life.
I think you're just manipulating me, by telling me I might like it.
You're going to make me lose everything!
My girlfriend, my church family, my friends!
If I change my behavior, will you give me one more chance?
You really haven't tried everything yet.
What about that behavior therapist?
What about changing my medication?
I know I need to change, but you really need to change.
You will do anything so that I will move somewhere and not be able to buy more video equipment.
Will you give me one more chance if I change my behavior?
Do you think I can change?
Me:
I think you can do anything you want to do, but you have to actually WANT to do it.
Him:
Will you give me another chance if my behavior changes?
Me: I will draw up a contract that you must follow. I can not live like this anymore. If you break it, you will have to move elsewhere. If it's not this group home, it can be another one or another affordable living situation.
On the way home in the car the same dialog continues...
I come home pour myself a stiff margarita with a Grand Marnier floater.
I crawl into bed feeling like this...
Him:
I changed my mind about that group home.
I don't trust you mom.
If I move there, they will make me eat nasty food.
I'll have to get up at 5:30 in the morning! I can't get up that early!
I will be so tired.
I think you're just trying to ruin my life.
You will do anything to ruin my life.
I think you're just manipulating me, by telling me I might like it.
(He has been offered the opportunity to try it out for a few days).
You're going to make me lose everything! My girlfriend, my church family, my friends!
If I change my behavior, will you give me one more chance to stay at home?
You really haven't tried everything yet.
What about that behavior therapist?
What about changing my medication?
I know I need to change, but you really need to change.
I know I'm nice to other people. That's because I like them.
Do I have to fake it like I like you guys?
Do I have to be all nice like cousin Courtney?
Being nice comes naturally to him.
It doesn't feel right for me to be that nice.
You know that's hard for me right?
Do you understand how I feel?
You will do anything so that I will move somewhere and not be able to buy more video equipment.
If I move there, I won't be able to keep running my own business.
Me:
You're not running a business. You're running a hobby which allows you to buy more and more video equipment. Right now you have so much equipment, it would take two more people's hands to manage it during a shoot. You don't have two more people who know anything about making videos.
Him:
At that group home, the house is closed during the day. What if I need to go back to work on a video project?
Me:
You haven't worked on a video project in months. Even when you have one, you don't work on it during the day. You come home from school or work and follow me around the house talking most of the day or you're watching Sponge Bob.
Him:
You don't support my passion!
Me:
Your passion is for buying equipment and watching You-Tube videos about movie making. You don't actually make movies. You don't actually practice or get involved in the local movie making community like your counselor suggested that you do. You do event shooting if a job is dropped in your lap. If you would do more things to develop your passion, get more education, interact with the local Austin Film Society, practice more. I would fully support it.
Him: Harry! Harry! Come here Harry!(In a very high pitched squeal. Harry runs away.)
Me: Leave the dog alone.
Him: But I really love his cuteness. I just want to feel his cuteness.
(This is an everyday, multiple times a day, script along with the action of chasing the 6 1/2 pound dog, like the 250 pound Jolly Green Giant.)
I leave the kitchen to go to my room to get dressed to go to the grocery store. Harry follows me to get away from being chased. Harry regularly runs to hide if he hears Red coming into a room.
Hubby and I are listening to music in our bedroom. When I open the door...
Him: Why do you listen to that rap music when you know I hate it?
They are cursing and talking about shaking butts!
You're really making me angry.
You're just trying to piss me off!
Turn that music off!
We keep listening and dancing ...releasing a little stress. This is my house last time I checked.
I take him to the grocery store, so that he can buy his own groceries. I have been avoiding the place like the plague for a week, so I need to shop too. At this point, I have already had it with him. I can't take listening to another pissing, moaning, complaint. I put on my headphones as we enter the store. I play the Prince station on Pandora. I do this often, even when I'm by myself. It makes grocery shopping a little less painful.
 |
| "Mom why are you wearing headphones in the grocery store?" "So that I don't commit murder in front of all these witnesses." |
Every time I run into him, in the store the dialog starts again...
Him:
I can't live in that group home.
I don't trust you mom.
If I move there, they will make me eat nasty food!
I'll have to get up at 5:30 in the morning! I can't get up that early!
I will be so tired.
I think you're just trying to ruin my life.
You will do anything to ruin my life.
I think you're just manipulating me, by telling me I might like it.
You're going to make me lose everything!
My girlfriend, my church family, my friends!
If I change my behavior, will you give me one more chance?
You really haven't tried everything yet.
What about that behavior therapist?
What about changing my medication?
I know I need to change, but you really need to change.
You will do anything so that I will move somewhere and not be able to buy more video equipment.
Will you give me one more chance if I change my behavior?
Do you think I can change?
Me:
I think you can do anything you want to do, but you have to actually WANT to do it.
Him:
Will you give me another chance if my behavior changes?
Me: I will draw up a contract that you must follow. I can not live like this anymore. If you break it, you will have to move elsewhere. If it's not this group home, it can be another one or another affordable living situation.
I come home pour myself a stiff margarita with a Grand Marnier floater.
I crawl into bed feeling like this...
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
Robots for kids
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Coding courses
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago