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Sunday, February 8, 2015

Hours

Guest post by Angie Craft


I don't regret any of my youthful
indiscretions
and adventures
and heartbreaks
that occurred before the age of 36, when my husband and son found me
The hours 
and hours
and hours
in college
the hours
and hours 
and hours 
at work
because at least I have memories of when I used to be a "real" person with
income 
and interests 
and a social life
Now, when I feel like a burnt out shell of a human that exists on routine and caffeine, 
I can drift off to my memories 
and remember how it used to be
When I was an educated 
social 
working 
"go getter"
When that grass gets too green, 
I remember the deep hole of loneliness that work couldn't fill
The longing for something more
And I don't miss the restless lack of purpose
The hours 
and hours
and hours
of boredom
The hours
and hours
and hours
of loneliness
because at least, now, I have real love in my life
It's no longer pretty, sweet, warm fuzzy love
but in
small
     bits
          and 
              drips
I see that little boy who won my heart years ago
And I remember
that same little boy
is now a young man on the brink of adulthood
experiencing
The hours 
and hours
of heartbreaks
The hours
and hours
of loneliness
He is not having 
youthful indiscretions 
adventures
and social outings
He likely won't go 
To college
Or work 
50. hour. weeks.
I remember this burnt out shell of a person that I am 
is what keeps him from completely giving up every day
So I drift to the memories
drink the caffeine
start the routine
And continue living
The hours
and hours 
and hours
And hours.....


Angie Craft -is a married, full-time step mom of a 16 year old son with autism and a few other diagnosis along for the ride. She is a Mental Health Social Worker on hiatus. Now using her skills and talents to advocate for her son. She is a lover of comedy, coffee, conversation and cats. 

Editorial Note: I read this and was instantly captivated by her words. She is me and so many of you.