Hours

Guest post by Angie Craft

I don't regret any of my youthful

indiscretions
and adventures
and heartbreaks

that occurred before the age of 36, when my husband and son found me

The hours 

and hours

and hours

in college

the hours

and hours 

and hours 

at work

because at least I have memories of when I used to be a "real" person with

income 

and interests 

and a social life

Now, when I feel like a burnt out shell of a human that exists on routine and caffeine, 

I can drift off to my memories 

and remember how it used to be

When I was an educated 

social 

working 

"go getter"

When that grass gets too green, 

I remember the deep hole of loneliness that work couldn't fill

The longing for something more

And I don't miss the restless lack of purpose

The hours 

and hours

and hours

of boredom

The hours

and hours

and hours

of loneliness

because at least, now, I have real love in my life

It's no longer pretty, sweet, warm fuzzy love

but in

small

     bits

          and 

              drips

I see that little boy who won my heart years ago

And I remember

that same little boy

is now a young man on the brink of adulthood

experiencing

The hours 

and hours

of heartbreaks

The hours

and hours

of loneliness

He is not having 

youthful indiscretions 

adventures

and social outings

He likely won't go 

To college

Or work 

50. hour. weeks.

I remember this burnt out shell of a person that I am 

is what keeps him from completely giving up every day

So I drift to the memories

drink the caffeine

start the routine

And continue living

The hours

and hours 

and hours

And hours.....

Angie Craft -is a married, full-time step mom of a 16 year old son with autism and a few other diagnosis along for the ride. She is a Mental Health Social Worker on hiatus. Now using her skills and talents to advocate for her son. She is a lover of comedy, coffee, conversation and cats. 

Editorial Note: I read this and was instantly captivated by her words. She is me and so many of you.