He didn't come home on the bus. He didn't call to say he was staying after school. He was just a no show. When I called to find out where he was he said,
"I'm sorry. I forgot to call you. I was upset. I got verbally attacked today by this girl."
Turns out he stayed after to process through what happened with his Computer Science, teacher Mr. M., who also just happens to have Aspergers.
As many with Aspergers, Blue has a tendency to debate with people ...a lot. His views are almost always oppositional from the mainstream. He hates modern pop music! Rap music is disgusting in his view. Today's artists are not really talented. They all use autotune and sing about nothing important.
We live in Texas where football is everything. To him, football is a pointless game and all jocks are assholes. Don't even bring up Country & Western music. This is just a small sampling of how he thinks.
He's also a bit of a police officer of right and wrong and must inform everyone when they are wrong. It doesn't matter who it is -a teacher, another student, a good friend, a parent. We're all equal opportunity ignoramuses.
A certain girl who happens to be in a number of his classes, has the need to call him out ...often, on his oppositional views. She just can't stand his argumentative ways and she feels the need to constantly attempt to put him in his place. As I've told him in the past, who knows what her issues are. I'm sure she has some.
On this particular day, this young lady (and I used the term lady loosely) went off on an entire rant about Blue in front of their whole Computer Science class, after Blue disagreed with the teacher. The girl was not involved in the conversation. The teacher was not offended, but she was.
When he came home, he was still pretty livid. As we approached bedtime he started to spin himself up about what had happened. "She's just a real b*tch! I hate her! And what's worse is she's smarter than me. Her class ranking in higher! She doesn't even work hard. Everything just happens naturally for her."
In the middle of his spin-up, in walks Red, the perfect target to dump his anger on. Before I know it, he's shouting at his brother, Red posts up like Mr. Toughguy and the two of them are wrestling on the floor. The same thing happens the following morning before school. These two big-ass boys are talking crap to each other, wrestling and they toss each other onto my couch! They're lucky it didn't just snap.
"I don't want to go to school!" Blue shouts.
I haven't heard that one yet this year.
"I don't want to have to deal with these kids! They think I'm stupid!"
On our way to school in the car, I suggest that he talk to a counselor or a Vice Principal about this ongoing issue with the peer. If the girl is making him feel uncomfortable and not want to come to school because of behaviors that have to do with his autism, he needs to let someone in authority talk to her and tell her to mind her own business.
He yells, at me! "I can't do that! That won't help! You don't understand! I get on her nerves too! She will say that I can't mind my own business!"
I give several suggestions as to how he could remedy the situation. All are met with, "You don't get it mom! I know what I need to do."
I get back home and e-mail his Case Manager letting him in on what's going on. Blue told me he wouldn't be able to talk to him, because he had a class that morning. I was concerned because the girl would be in his second period class.
No sooner than I sent the e-mail, my phone rings. It's Blue. "I'm just checking in to let you know I have the matter resolved. I had a sit down conversation with the other student and my Computer Science teacher. We explained Aspergers to her and now she gets it. And it turns out she doesn't hate me."
Scratch the record! There was no reason for me to get involved. He's got this. He is going to be 16 years-old next week. He is his own advocate. He doesn't need his mommy getting involved to solve his problems. Lesson learned.
Dear Mom,
Please mind your own business.
Within moments of him making me feel like an idiot, for trying to come to his rescue when he doesn't need me to --I get a text from his brother. "Mom I forgot my medicine can you bring it to me at the Community College?"
"Um no. Your medicine is your responsibility. Instead of playing with the dog this morning, you should have been taking care of your business. You will have to survive without it."
I'm learning!
"I'm sorry. I forgot to call you. I was upset. I got verbally attacked today by this girl."
Turns out he stayed after to process through what happened with his Computer Science, teacher Mr. M., who also just happens to have Aspergers.
As many with Aspergers, Blue has a tendency to debate with people ...a lot. His views are almost always oppositional from the mainstream. He hates modern pop music! Rap music is disgusting in his view. Today's artists are not really talented. They all use autotune and sing about nothing important.
We live in Texas where football is everything. To him, football is a pointless game and all jocks are assholes. Don't even bring up Country & Western music. This is just a small sampling of how he thinks.
He's also a bit of a police officer of right and wrong and must inform everyone when they are wrong. It doesn't matter who it is -a teacher, another student, a good friend, a parent. We're all equal opportunity ignoramuses.
A certain girl who happens to be in a number of his classes, has the need to call him out ...often, on his oppositional views. She just can't stand his argumentative ways and she feels the need to constantly attempt to put him in his place. As I've told him in the past, who knows what her issues are. I'm sure she has some.
On this particular day, this young lady (and I used the term lady loosely) went off on an entire rant about Blue in front of their whole Computer Science class, after Blue disagreed with the teacher. The girl was not involved in the conversation. The teacher was not offended, but she was.
When he came home, he was still pretty livid. As we approached bedtime he started to spin himself up about what had happened. "She's just a real b*tch! I hate her! And what's worse is she's smarter than me. Her class ranking in higher! She doesn't even work hard. Everything just happens naturally for her."
In the middle of his spin-up, in walks Red, the perfect target to dump his anger on. Before I know it, he's shouting at his brother, Red posts up like Mr. Toughguy and the two of them are wrestling on the floor. The same thing happens the following morning before school. These two big-ass boys are talking crap to each other, wrestling and they toss each other onto my couch! They're lucky it didn't just snap.
"I don't want to go to school!" Blue shouts.
I haven't heard that one yet this year.
"I don't want to have to deal with these kids! They think I'm stupid!"
On our way to school in the car, I suggest that he talk to a counselor or a Vice Principal about this ongoing issue with the peer. If the girl is making him feel uncomfortable and not want to come to school because of behaviors that have to do with his autism, he needs to let someone in authority talk to her and tell her to mind her own business.
He yells, at me! "I can't do that! That won't help! You don't understand! I get on her nerves too! She will say that I can't mind my own business!"
I give several suggestions as to how he could remedy the situation. All are met with, "You don't get it mom! I know what I need to do."
I get back home and e-mail his Case Manager letting him in on what's going on. Blue told me he wouldn't be able to talk to him, because he had a class that morning. I was concerned because the girl would be in his second period class.
No sooner than I sent the e-mail, my phone rings. It's Blue. "I'm just checking in to let you know I have the matter resolved. I had a sit down conversation with the other student and my Computer Science teacher. We explained Aspergers to her and now she gets it. And it turns out she doesn't hate me."
Scratch the record! There was no reason for me to get involved. He's got this. He is going to be 16 years-old next week. He is his own advocate. He doesn't need his mommy getting involved to solve his problems. Lesson learned.
Dear Mom,
Please mind your own business.
"Um no. Your medicine is your responsibility. Instead of playing with the dog this morning, you should have been taking care of your business. You will have to survive without it."
I'm learning!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago