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Monday, June 2, 2014

Purchasing Sanity

How does one go about purchasing sanity?  Well, wine helps.  Margaritas and martinis are also good.  I've heard wonders about this drug called Xanax, but my doctor seems to think I don't need it.  I should have her spend a day in my house.

The best possible way for me to gain a little sanity is to take a break from my children.  Respite.  Rest and relaxation are vital components to my sanity.  In order to make this happen, sometimes I need  help.
For months now I've been thinking ...I need to hire some help so that I can schedule designated time to get away.  I also really just want to do less, and be less available to my children who demand so much of me and who do so much performing for my benefit. I am really sick of driving Red's ungrateful ass everywhere.  We have some of the toughest moments in the car (especially on the way to therapy).  It can be pure torture.  I need a way to resolve some transportation issues for him.

Then again, wouldn't it be a little ironic to hire some one to help me watch my newly adult son, who now works as a Child Watch Counselor?  Child Watch counselor or not, he still has a lot of growing and maturing to do.  Also, the sibling fighting issue seems to be getting worse by the day, if that is even possible.

I may be good at a lot of things.  I think outside the box to solve problems.  I can be pushy as hell when it comes to getting the things that my children need, and lately what my mother needs as well. I'm the kind of person who doesn't accept no, and what you can not do.  Anything is possible, if you push the envelope.  I don't live by the rules.  Rules are made to be broken ...by me.

For example, in the hospital with my mom a week ago with the nurses.  Please don't try to get away with sitting on your ass and not take care of my mother.  Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm going to do the job you're getting paid for.  
And ...Mom, that's what the nurse is for.  I can help you with somethings, but you're not inconveniencing the nurse to have her do what she is paid for. 
Doctors?  Um ...what are you doing? I need details.  And I'm keeping track of these details and conferring with her private doctor, (who by the way, ended up giving me her personal cell number) to make sure you're not screwing us just trying to collect the money for this hospital stay.  
(By the way, they did totally screw us.  I'm trying to figure out how to get that resolved, but that's a whole other story.)  

When it comes to asking for help for myself ...it is definitely not a strength.  Part of it is relinquishing control.  The other part is, I don't like to feel like I'm infringing on people.  We have an awesome village that usually helps us, but friends are not always available and I really just hate asking.  Even though I am the kind of person that will help anyone and everyone in whatever way I can.  Sometimes, I don't even let them ask.  I see a need.  I fill it.  Everyone doesn't operate that way.  I guess other people are smart. They don't have time to be helping everybody and their mother.

My husband and I had a trip planned to New York for over a year for our 20th wedding anniversary. I knew I needed help in order to make it happen.  I waited until the last minute to ask my sister and my sister in-law, because honestly, I didn't want to.  I didn't want to be pissed if they couldn't do it.  My kids are such a handful.  Did I want to welcome them into my crazy world so they could see up close and personal what I deal with day to day? Or the other scenario, the boys would act like little angels, which brings about the question ...what the hell are you doing? They were fine with me!

When I finally did ask, there were issues in their own lives that would not allow either of them to come and help.  Then my mom started to have issues with her health. That had me going back and forth to the doctor.  She ended up in the hospital as I mentioned above, which complicated matters even more.  How could I leave not knowing what her health status would be?  Life got crazier than usual with her hospitalization and me spending so much time at the hospital.  The boys were pissed because I was unavailable, so when I did come home, they were acting out.  I was exhausted! I could hardly think and problem solve how I would get the help that I needed.

How could I hire a total stranger to come into my crazy life and replace me for a few days?  Again, there we go with the control issues.  Can I trust hired help in my home? How do I vet someone, get references and all of that crap when I already have my hands full? 

We ended up postponing our trip, because of my mom's health issues.  We didn't know when she would leave the hospital and what her condition would be.  However, we still wanted to salvage some way to spend some time alone together, away from these demanding children and my mother.

I sent out an e-mail to a group of teachers and administrators in the school district asking if anybody, knew anybody who could help.  I got a few replies, but the very best possible scenario just came together today!

A special education teacher who has worked with both of the boys and is EXCELLENT with them, agreed to come in to help me out.  She could use a few extra dollars.  Summer is coming up so she won't be working at the school.  It is a bonus and a gift from God, that she is also an expert in my children.  How awesome is that!?

Honey and I will be able to salvage our anniversary after all.  And I conquered my fear of asking for help!

That my friends is how you purchase a little sanity.  Not everyone can afford to pay for help, but if you can get a friend or a family member to help you out on regular basis, even if you're trading favors do it! Don't wuss out like me until you end up been driven insane.  Of course, your local mental health agency often offers these services for free if you qualify.  However you can, try to find a way buy yourself a little sanity.  Because you're worth it!