How does one go about purchasing sanity? Well, wine helps. Margaritas and martinis are also good. I've heard wonders about this drug called Xanax, but my doctor seems to think I don't need it. I should have her spend a day in my house.
The best possible way for me to gain a little sanity is to take a break from my children. Respite. Rest and relaxation are vital components to my sanity. In order to make this happen, sometimes I need help.
For months now I've been thinking ...I need to hire some help so that I can schedule designated time to get away. I also really just want to do less, and be less available to my children who demand so much of me and who do so much performing for my benefit. I am really sick of driving Red's ungrateful ass everywhere. We have some of the toughest moments in the car (especially on the way to therapy). It can be pure torture. I need a way to resolve some transportation issues for him.
Then again, wouldn't it be a little ironic to hire some one to help me watch my newly adult son, who now works as a Child Watch Counselor? Child Watch counselor or not, he still has a lot of growing and maturing to do. Also, the sibling fighting issue seems to be getting worse by the day, if that is even possible.
I may be good at a lot of things. I think outside the box to solve problems. I can be pushy as hell when it comes to getting the things that my children need, and lately what my mother needs as well. I'm the kind of person who doesn't accept no, and what you can not do. Anything is possible, if you push the envelope. I don't live by the rules. Rules are made to be broken ...by me.
For example, in the hospital with my mom a week ago with the nurses. Please don't try to get away with sitting on your ass and not take care of my mother. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm going to do the job you're getting paid for.
And ...Mom, that's what the nurse is for. I can help you with somethings, but you're not inconveniencing the nurse to have her do what she is paid for.
Doctors? Um ...what are you doing? I need details. And I'm keeping track of these details and conferring with her private doctor, (who by the way, ended up giving me her personal cell number) to make sure you're not screwing us just trying to collect the money for this hospital stay.
(By the way, they did totally screw us. I'm trying to figure out how to get that resolved, but that's a whole other story.)
When it comes to asking for help for myself ...it is definitely not a strength. Part of it is relinquishing control. The other part is, I don't like to feel like I'm infringing on people. We have an awesome village that usually helps us, but friends are not always available and I really just hate asking. Even though I am the kind of person that will help anyone and everyone in whatever way I can. Sometimes, I don't even let them ask. I see a need. I fill it. Everyone doesn't operate that way. I guess other people are smart. They don't have time to be helping everybody and their mother.
My husband and I had a trip planned to New York for over a year for our 20th wedding anniversary. I knew I needed help in order to make it happen. I waited until the last minute to ask my sister and my sister in-law, because honestly, I didn't want to. I didn't want to be pissed if they couldn't do it. My kids are such a handful. Did I want to welcome them into my crazy world so they could see up close and personal what I deal with day to day? Or the other scenario, the boys would act like little angels, which brings about the question ...what the hell are you doing? They were fine with me!
When I finally did ask, there were issues in their own lives that would not allow either of them to come and help. Then my mom started to have issues with her health. That had me going back and forth to the doctor. She ended up in the hospital as I mentioned above, which complicated matters even more. How could I leave not knowing what her health status would be? Life got crazier than usual with her hospitalization and me spending so much time at the hospital. The boys were pissed because I was unavailable, so when I did come home, they were acting out. I was exhausted! I could hardly think and problem solve how I would get the help that I needed.
How could I hire a total stranger to come into my crazy life and replace me for a few days? Again, there we go with the control issues. Can I trust hired help in my home? How do I vet someone, get references and all of that crap when I already have my hands full?
We ended up postponing our trip, because of my mom's health issues. We didn't know when she would leave the hospital and what her condition would be. However, we still wanted to salvage some way to spend some time alone together, away from these demanding children and my mother.
I sent out an e-mail to a group of teachers and administrators in the school district asking if anybody, knew anybody who could help. I got a few replies, but the very best possible scenario just came together today!
A special education teacher who has worked with both of the boys and is EXCELLENT with them, agreed to come in to help me out. She could use a few extra dollars. Summer is coming up so she won't be working at the school. It is a bonus and a gift from God, that she is also an expert in my children. How awesome is that!?
Honey and I will be able to salvage our anniversary after all. And I conquered my fear of asking for help!
That my friends is how you purchase a little sanity. Not everyone can afford to pay for help, but if you can get a friend or a family member to help you out on regular basis, even if you're trading favors do it! Don't wuss out like me until you end up been driven insane. Of course, your local mental health agency often offers these services for free if you qualify. However you can, try to find a way buy yourself a little sanity. Because you're worth it!
The best possible way for me to gain a little sanity is to take a break from my children. Respite. Rest and relaxation are vital components to my sanity. In order to make this happen, sometimes I need help.
Then again, wouldn't it be a little ironic to hire some one to help me watch my newly adult son, who now works as a Child Watch Counselor? Child Watch counselor or not, he still has a lot of growing and maturing to do. Also, the sibling fighting issue seems to be getting worse by the day, if that is even possible.
I may be good at a lot of things. I think outside the box to solve problems. I can be pushy as hell when it comes to getting the things that my children need, and lately what my mother needs as well. I'm the kind of person who doesn't accept no, and what you can not do. Anything is possible, if you push the envelope. I don't live by the rules. Rules are made to be broken ...by me.
For example, in the hospital with my mom a week ago with the nurses. Please don't try to get away with sitting on your ass and not take care of my mother. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm going to do the job you're getting paid for.
And ...Mom, that's what the nurse is for. I can help you with somethings, but you're not inconveniencing the nurse to have her do what she is paid for.
Doctors? Um ...what are you doing? I need details. And I'm keeping track of these details and conferring with her private doctor, (who by the way, ended up giving me her personal cell number) to make sure you're not screwing us just trying to collect the money for this hospital stay.
(By the way, they did totally screw us. I'm trying to figure out how to get that resolved, but that's a whole other story.)
When it comes to asking for help for myself ...it is definitely not a strength. Part of it is relinquishing control. The other part is, I don't like to feel like I'm infringing on people. We have an awesome village that usually helps us, but friends are not always available and I really just hate asking. Even though I am the kind of person that will help anyone and everyone in whatever way I can. Sometimes, I don't even let them ask. I see a need. I fill it. Everyone doesn't operate that way. I guess other people are smart. They don't have time to be helping everybody and their mother.
My husband and I had a trip planned to New York for over a year for our 20th wedding anniversary. I knew I needed help in order to make it happen. I waited until the last minute to ask my sister and my sister in-law, because honestly, I didn't want to. I didn't want to be pissed if they couldn't do it. My kids are such a handful. Did I want to welcome them into my crazy world so they could see up close and personal what I deal with day to day? Or the other scenario, the boys would act like little angels, which brings about the question ...what the hell are you doing? They were fine with me!
When I finally did ask, there were issues in their own lives that would not allow either of them to come and help. Then my mom started to have issues with her health. That had me going back and forth to the doctor. She ended up in the hospital as I mentioned above, which complicated matters even more. How could I leave not knowing what her health status would be? Life got crazier than usual with her hospitalization and me spending so much time at the hospital. The boys were pissed because I was unavailable, so when I did come home, they were acting out. I was exhausted! I could hardly think and problem solve how I would get the help that I needed.
How could I hire a total stranger to come into my crazy life and replace me for a few days? Again, there we go with the control issues. Can I trust hired help in my home? How do I vet someone, get references and all of that crap when I already have my hands full?
We ended up postponing our trip, because of my mom's health issues. We didn't know when she would leave the hospital and what her condition would be. However, we still wanted to salvage some way to spend some time alone together, away from these demanding children and my mother.
I sent out an e-mail to a group of teachers and administrators in the school district asking if anybody, knew anybody who could help. I got a few replies, but the very best possible scenario just came together today!
A special education teacher who has worked with both of the boys and is EXCELLENT with them, agreed to come in to help me out. She could use a few extra dollars. Summer is coming up so she won't be working at the school. It is a bonus and a gift from God, that she is also an expert in my children. How awesome is that!?
Honey and I will be able to salvage our anniversary after all. And I conquered my fear of asking for help!
That my friends is how you purchase a little sanity. Not everyone can afford to pay for help, but if you can get a friend or a family member to help you out on regular basis, even if you're trading favors do it! Don't wuss out like me until you end up been driven insane. Of course, your local mental health agency often offers these services for free if you qualify. However you can, try to find a way buy yourself a little sanity. Because you're worth it!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago