As mothers of children with autism, especially those with anger issues, we often wonder why they save all of their negative energy and anger just for us? Why do we get to see the worst of them? Why do they sometimes behave as if they hate us, when we are the one person in the world who loves them and will do anything for them?
Every year for Mother's Day all I want is a little peace. Unfortunately, autism doesn't give a damn about Mother's Day and neither does sibling rivalry. Blue seems to have a lack of ability to ignore anything. Red seems to have a superior ability to be annoying. So if the two of them are present, there will be no peace. It's really sad that I can not truly enjoy peaceful time with my children. Unfortunately, that is my reality.
If you've been following the blog lately, you know that his major tool of annoyance these days is judging our actions as not being "Christian enough." His fixation is on the bible, and getting us all to follow it according to his standards. He can not seem to contain himself. And so, there is pretty much constant bickering and fighting. Blue is leaning more towards being agnostic because of his scientific mind, things must be proven to him. He doesn't subscribe to blind faith. He certainly will not subscribe to Christianity as long as he thinks you need constantly judge people and their beliefs the way that Red does.
For Mother's day this year, I asked for simple handwritten notes from my guys ...no cards, no gifts. And then I wanted to be left alone in my own house, to bathe, walk around naked, wash and twist my hair, sip champagne and just breathe.
Hubby gave me everything I asked for including a beautiful (typewritten) hand-signed, love letter. It was 2 full pages! He then took the boys out for a double feature movie day. Blue told me he had no words from his heart, but he ended up coming through with a beautiful love note. Red, did not comply. He gave me a single carnation that they were giving away at church for all of the moms.
I won't share my husband's love letter. I will share my love note from Blue because it may help you understand your own child ...
Mom,
Every year for Mother's Day all I want is a little peace. Unfortunately, autism doesn't give a damn about Mother's Day and neither does sibling rivalry. Blue seems to have a lack of ability to ignore anything. Red seems to have a superior ability to be annoying. So if the two of them are present, there will be no peace. It's really sad that I can not truly enjoy peaceful time with my children. Unfortunately, that is my reality.
If you've been following the blog lately, you know that his major tool of annoyance these days is judging our actions as not being "Christian enough." His fixation is on the bible, and getting us all to follow it according to his standards. He can not seem to contain himself. And so, there is pretty much constant bickering and fighting. Blue is leaning more towards being agnostic because of his scientific mind, things must be proven to him. He doesn't subscribe to blind faith. He certainly will not subscribe to Christianity as long as he thinks you need constantly judge people and their beliefs the way that Red does.
For Mother's day this year, I asked for simple handwritten notes from my guys ...no cards, no gifts. And then I wanted to be left alone in my own house, to bathe, walk around naked, wash and twist my hair, sip champagne and just breathe.
I won't share my husband's love letter. I will share my love note from Blue because it may help you understand your own child ...
Mom,
You probably think I don't love you. Mostly because I am mean to you, I ask you to do a lot of things, and I mostly get angry in front of you. I really can't live without these three things. I can't 100% control my mean side. No one else will do the good things you do, and you're the safest person I can get angry at. I love you mom, not the way you want me too, but deep inside I do.
Happy Mothers Day,
Blue
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago