At the end of every week for the past several weeks, I have thought ...Boy! That was the week from hell! I think I deserve a prize for surviving.
Last week before Red's graduation, was the epitome of a week from hell. I thought nothing could top the previous week when I had come home from the hospital with my mother. He went completely ballistic, as we were coming through the door. You read that right ...coming through the door after her being in the hospital, for 5 days.
"Why didn't you take me to church!?" he asked incredulously. "Why do you have to have Blue's therapy appointment on Wednesdays when you know I need to get to church?" He went on and on and on from there. ranting, making all kinds of threats. This ended with a phone call to the Crisis hotline. A call that miraculously got him to pull his shit together.
I have told him numerous times, "You know I have his appointment on Wednesdays, YOU need to find another way to get to church. And don't wait until the last minute!" Sometimes he pulls it off, getting someone from church to pick him up. Sometimes, he waits and there is no one available.
On that particular day, not only did I have to be across town for therapy with Blue, I also needed to be back on this side of town, immediately following because suddenly, they decided to release my mother from the hospital. (Even though, she wasn't much better than when she got there). My husband was out of town, of course. I don't have the superpower of being 3 places at once, so something had to give.
The person who was dialing my phone over and over again, being rude and demanding, was the person who lost out on a ride from me.
Back to this last week before graduation ...Red had completed his high school credits in January of this year. So, when he arrived on campus for graduation rehearsal, he had not been submerged in the high school cesspool for over 4 months. Being in the gym, surrounded by hundreds of seniors, brought back all kinds of insecurities, old wounds, thoughts and feelings about every single bad thing that ever happened during high school. It sent him over the edge.
I got a phone call from him during rehearsal, "I'm not doing it! I am not walking the stage with these people. I feel uncomfortable here."
Later I received a text, "I want the girls to scream my name when I walk across that stage. Since that's not going to happen...it's pretty much going to be a disaster."
I didn't push. I told him it was his life ...his decision.
Well, he came home and jumped head first into the deep end. He ranted he raved. He blamed all of us and everyone else in the world, for all of his problems. He said some of the most god awful things to all of us ...my mother included. Some of the things he said quite frankly, were unforgivable, certainly unforgettable. Rage or no rage, Aspergers or not. I was done! I really didn't want him to walk if we had to see more of this behavior.
I was trying to pull off a little reception for the following day after graduation, here at the house, so that his friends and our friends could stop by, have a bite and acknowledge his accomplishment. Plans for that came to a screeching halt after he said all of the horrible things that you just can't take back.
After saying everything he could to our family, then he took to Facebook to let everyone in the world know how he was feeling.
"I don't want to go to graduation. I'm going to be embarassed and people are going to make fun of me on stage. They're going to say "Look its the angry guy!" and I will not be embarassed in front of the whole school!! I wish I could make a speech in front of the whole entire school and prove them wrong that I am not the person they think I am!!! I am way nicer than you think and I will not be humiliated!! But I guess that none of my classmates actually care about me especially the girls."
This post rallied a lot of attention. He received encouraging words and thoughts from so many people. He got phone calls from family members with words of encouragement. I tried to explain what graduation is really about. It's a celebration of accomplishment. It's not a popularity contest. It's an opportunity to put the past behind you and move forward.
He made it through the second rehearsal the following day without incident. He became determined to walk. In the past, he has volunteered in the classroom with kids with autism and other disabilities who have much more to overcome than he does. Some of them would be walking the stage on graduation day. He was determined that if they could do it, so could he.
When that graduation march song played, my heart filled with pride. My eyes filled with tears. I thought about every meeting that I went through to fight for what he needed. I thought about every phone call I received from school when he was falling apart. I thought about all of my worries and fears that this day would never come. That his anger would someday get him into trouble that I couldn't get him out of. In that moment, I believe that his walking across that stage meant more to me than any other parent in that stadium.
While all of the kids were standing to receive accolades, awards and recognition, I was thinking, He made it! And he never got arrested or ended up in the hospital! That's my boy!
One of his peers that he started kindergarten with was in the top 10 students graduating. He has already received a scholarship to the University of Texas. I am so happy and proud of him. This young man would periodically come over to tutor with Blue on high school projects. I am equally happy that Red made it to graduation...period. He has a job that he loves. Many students don't have that yet. He has a passion for video editing and has taught himself, more than many other students will ever know.
He's going to make it. His path has not been easy. There will continue to be bumps, curves, and setbacks. He may need more support than your average adult, but he will get there. I am hoping that getting there, means that soon he will get out of my house!
By the way, he did not take one picture with his family after the ceremony. He was too busy taking pictures with all of the friends and hot girls, whom he accuses of ignoring him all throughout high school. You all will have to see me in my hot dress another time.
Last week before Red's graduation, was the epitome of a week from hell. I thought nothing could top the previous week when I had come home from the hospital with my mother. He went completely ballistic, as we were coming through the door. You read that right ...coming through the door after her being in the hospital, for 5 days.
"Why didn't you take me to church!?" he asked incredulously. "Why do you have to have Blue's therapy appointment on Wednesdays when you know I need to get to church?" He went on and on and on from there. ranting, making all kinds of threats. This ended with a phone call to the Crisis hotline. A call that miraculously got him to pull his shit together.
I have told him numerous times, "You know I have his appointment on Wednesdays, YOU need to find another way to get to church. And don't wait until the last minute!" Sometimes he pulls it off, getting someone from church to pick him up. Sometimes, he waits and there is no one available.
On that particular day, not only did I have to be across town for therapy with Blue, I also needed to be back on this side of town, immediately following because suddenly, they decided to release my mother from the hospital. (Even though, she wasn't much better than when she got there). My husband was out of town, of course. I don't have the superpower of being 3 places at once, so something had to give.
The person who was dialing my phone over and over again, being rude and demanding, was the person who lost out on a ride from me.
Back to this last week before graduation ...Red had completed his high school credits in January of this year. So, when he arrived on campus for graduation rehearsal, he had not been submerged in the high school cesspool for over 4 months. Being in the gym, surrounded by hundreds of seniors, brought back all kinds of insecurities, old wounds, thoughts and feelings about every single bad thing that ever happened during high school. It sent him over the edge.
I got a phone call from him during rehearsal, "I'm not doing it! I am not walking the stage with these people. I feel uncomfortable here."
Later I received a text, "I want the girls to scream my name when I walk across that stage. Since that's not going to happen...it's pretty much going to be a disaster."
I didn't push. I told him it was his life ...his decision.
Well, he came home and jumped head first into the deep end. He ranted he raved. He blamed all of us and everyone else in the world, for all of his problems. He said some of the most god awful things to all of us ...my mother included. Some of the things he said quite frankly, were unforgivable, certainly unforgettable. Rage or no rage, Aspergers or not. I was done! I really didn't want him to walk if we had to see more of this behavior.
I was trying to pull off a little reception for the following day after graduation, here at the house, so that his friends and our friends could stop by, have a bite and acknowledge his accomplishment. Plans for that came to a screeching halt after he said all of the horrible things that you just can't take back.
After saying everything he could to our family, then he took to Facebook to let everyone in the world know how he was feeling.
"I don't want to go to graduation. I'm going to be embarassed and people are going to make fun of me on stage. They're going to say "Look its the angry guy!" and I will not be embarassed in front of the whole school!! I wish I could make a speech in front of the whole entire school and prove them wrong that I am not the person they think I am!!! I am way nicer than you think and I will not be humiliated!! But I guess that none of my classmates actually care about me especially the girls."
This post rallied a lot of attention. He received encouraging words and thoughts from so many people. He got phone calls from family members with words of encouragement. I tried to explain what graduation is really about. It's a celebration of accomplishment. It's not a popularity contest. It's an opportunity to put the past behind you and move forward.
He made it through the second rehearsal the following day without incident. He became determined to walk. In the past, he has volunteered in the classroom with kids with autism and other disabilities who have much more to overcome than he does. Some of them would be walking the stage on graduation day. He was determined that if they could do it, so could he.
 |
| He Made IT! |
When that graduation march song played, my heart filled with pride. My eyes filled with tears. I thought about every meeting that I went through to fight for what he needed. I thought about every phone call I received from school when he was falling apart. I thought about all of my worries and fears that this day would never come. That his anger would someday get him into trouble that I couldn't get him out of. In that moment, I believe that his walking across that stage meant more to me than any other parent in that stadium.
While all of the kids were standing to receive accolades, awards and recognition, I was thinking, He made it! And he never got arrested or ended up in the hospital! That's my boy!
One of his peers that he started kindergarten with was in the top 10 students graduating. He has already received a scholarship to the University of Texas. I am so happy and proud of him. This young man would periodically come over to tutor with Blue on high school projects. I am equally happy that Red made it to graduation...period. He has a job that he loves. Many students don't have that yet. He has a passion for video editing and has taught himself, more than many other students will ever know.
 |
| Red & friend since day 1 kindergarten |
By the way, he did not take one picture with his family after the ceremony. He was too busy taking pictures with all of the friends and hot girls, whom he accuses of ignoring him all throughout high school. You all will have to see me in my hot dress another time.
 |
| Girls he wanted to scream his name He settled for this picture...thrilled in fact |
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago