Slowly, I am learning to just-say-no to things I that I simply do not want to do. I do a lot for other people...a lot! In fact, I would venture to say the majority of my life is spent living for others. That's not a bad thing unless, you end up completely giving yourself away to the point where you have nothing left. I have been known to do that in the past --the recent past. It's like you're just giving out little pieces of candy on Halloween and before you know it...the entire bag is gone and you have nothing left for yourself. Some people might end up raiding their kid's candy bag for chocolate once they get home. But of course, I would never do that!
As a mom, have you ever gone to the store to buy groceries --keeping in mind every individual's special wants and needs? This one likes this cereal. This one likes yogurt. This one likes trail mix. The other one wants ice cream. You get home only to discover that you have bought absolutely nothing that YOU like. You end up with nothing for yourself. No wonder you've begun to hate going to the grocery store. It has become another chore, another job that you do for everybody else!
As we sat at the breakfast table this morning one by one, the boys start to inform me of their plans for the day. They are telling me who needs rides where, and when and requesting that I pick this friend up and have that friend over. Meanwhile, I have my own obligation to take my mother to the airport for her annual trip to visit her brother. Yes -Lord! Thank you for the Beverly reprieve! Sure I'll have to wash more dishes and do more laundry, but I will have to go to the store less for wine! And will take less trips to Target, her doctors, hair and nail salons.
I can not be all things to all people, at all times. Sometimes the answer is -Yes. Sometimes the answer is...um...NO!
Yes -Red, I will pick up your friend and allow him to spend the night at our house.
Yes. My answer has a lot to do with the fact that I am so freaking thrilled that you finally have a really nice friend that you connect with. O.K. maybe it also has to do with the fact that when your friend is here, at least you aren't talking MY head off and wanting me to entertain you.
No -you can not go with me to the airport or with me to pick up your friend.
I want to spend that time with my mother alone, without listening to you talk!
I also plan on stopping on the way back to have lunch ALONE!
No -Blue I can not take you to the YMCA to swim today.
I will be busy taking care of my mother. You can ask your dad. You do have more than one parent. I'm sorry if you're mad at your dad. You better try to talk it out with him if you want a ride.
Yes -Blue. Your friend J. can come over this evening.
No -I will not be taking you and J to the mall or to the movies when he comes over.
I'm sorry you can't figure out what you and your friend will do here ...other than spend time together hanging out. That part is not my problem.
Yes -Red's friend N. I will pick you up.
No -I will not bring you back to your grandmother's house tomorrow.
Your dad can pick you up and take you back to your grandmother or home. Whatever works. Otherwise, you can just STAY at your grandmothers. I am not making 2 trips into Austin, while your parents do whatever it is that they are doing.
No -I will not be taking you two to the movies.
Do you guys have any money? No? Well there you go!
Yes -Husband. You can run away while I have the teenage friends over. Because OMG, I know you can't really stand extra teenagers in the house.
However, you will have to spend some time with your sons this afternoon while I disappear.
So, I take my mother to the airport. Get her all taken care of. I burn rubber in the parking lot and then stop here:
As a mom, have you ever gone to the store to buy groceries --keeping in mind every individual's special wants and needs? This one likes this cereal. This one likes yogurt. This one likes trail mix. The other one wants ice cream. You get home only to discover that you have bought absolutely nothing that YOU like. You end up with nothing for yourself. No wonder you've begun to hate going to the grocery store. It has become another chore, another job that you do for everybody else!
As we sat at the breakfast table this morning one by one, the boys start to inform me of their plans for the day. They are telling me who needs rides where, and when and requesting that I pick this friend up and have that friend over. Meanwhile, I have my own obligation to take my mother to the airport for her annual trip to visit her brother. Yes -Lord! Thank you for the Beverly reprieve! Sure I'll have to wash more dishes and do more laundry, but I will have to go to the store less for wine! And will take less trips to Target, her doctors, hair and nail salons.
I can not be all things to all people, at all times. Sometimes the answer is -Yes. Sometimes the answer is...um...NO!
Yes -Red, I will pick up your friend and allow him to spend the night at our house.
Yes. My answer has a lot to do with the fact that I am so freaking thrilled that you finally have a really nice friend that you connect with. O.K. maybe it also has to do with the fact that when your friend is here, at least you aren't talking MY head off and wanting me to entertain you.
No -you can not go with me to the airport or with me to pick up your friend.
I want to spend that time with my mother alone, without listening to you talk!
I also plan on stopping on the way back to have lunch ALONE!
No -Blue I can not take you to the YMCA to swim today.
I will be busy taking care of my mother. You can ask your dad. You do have more than one parent. I'm sorry if you're mad at your dad. You better try to talk it out with him if you want a ride.
Yes -Blue. Your friend J. can come over this evening.
No -I will not be taking you and J to the mall or to the movies when he comes over.
I'm sorry you can't figure out what you and your friend will do here ...other than spend time together hanging out. That part is not my problem.
Yes -Red's friend N. I will pick you up.
No -I will not bring you back to your grandmother's house tomorrow.
Your dad can pick you up and take you back to your grandmother or home. Whatever works. Otherwise, you can just STAY at your grandmothers. I am not making 2 trips into Austin, while your parents do whatever it is that they are doing.
No -I will not be taking you two to the movies.
Do you guys have any money? No? Well there you go!
Yes -Husband. You can run away while I have the teenage friends over. Because OMG, I know you can't really stand extra teenagers in the house.
However, you will have to spend some time with your sons this afternoon while I disappear.
So, I take my mother to the airport. Get her all taken care of. I burn rubber in the parking lot and then stop here:
I have a perfectly sinful, cheesy, spinach, mushroom, crawfish and shrimp fondue. A delicious, cold glass of wine.
It was the best hour of my day.
My mama didn't raise no fool!
