Wednesday, July 24, 2013

You Are Uninvited to my Pity Party

I'm good for telling my boys, when they feel sadness and depression for no apparent reason, to just change the channel. Do something different to get your mind off of your worries.  Watch a funny movie.  Listen to good music. Go do something physical. Count your blessings!  Your life is so full of them.  The past few days, I've needed to take my own advice.

I have a friend who is going through an excruciating time right now.  I've been there to encourage her to get off the couch. Get busy! Eat! Go to the beach! Go for a something...anything.  All the while I'm dishing out this advice, I'm feeling like crap myself.  

The thing is I have absolutely no valid reason to be sad, or down.  In fact, I have some pretty damn good reasons to be happy.  Red is away at camp right now.  That means no daily phone calls to say...
-Mom I'm hungry. What am I supposed to eat? 
-I'm bored! 
-I am NOT going back to that high school next year!  

Not only is this an investment in him.  Truthfully, it is also an investment in my sanity.  There is no bickering and fighting with between the two boys.  No bickering and fighting between Red and my mom.  They both seem to get a kick out of pushing each other's buttons.

Also, Hubby took off on a trip to see his father for a few days.  So technically, that's two less hungry men to cook for, and worry about.  The only boss I have in the house is Blue.  And even he has been keeping himself pretty busy, with his own social agenda.  Of course, I am on stand-by, beck and call for transportation, but at least it's only for one child and not both.

I'm blessed right?  Right! Hell! I should be dancing on the ceiling!  But the truth is...I haven't been dancing at all.

So yesterday I sat down to write this pity party blog post -whining about every thing I hate and why I'm sad.  When I finished writing I went to bed.  As I lay my head on the pillow, I think to myself are the biggest whinny baby!  You should be happy! Karen -you are focusing on the negatives, when actually you are blessed. 

Writing is so cathartic.  From writing down my feelings yesterday...I figured out how pathetic I was being.  I was also able to figure out what it is that's giving me that feeling of ...ugh, something is missing.

I have more time on my hands than I've had in a long time. I have peace in the house and I don't know what the hell to do with it.  I'm just not used to it.  It is not my normal.

Instead of keeping myself busy doing fun things or anything for myself, I've been still sitting around at Blue's beck and call.  I've also been working on some long neglected projects in my house.  I've been doing some deep cleaning and organizing.  Not exactly fun stuff.  At the same time, what a blessing that I've been able to finally get to it.

Another thing that is missing my partner in crime -my husband.  As much as he drives me nuts when he is here. We do still manage to have fun together.  Especially, when we can get time to ourselves.  I miss him right now. I miss him more than I usually do because I'm usually too busy to miss him.  I think it's making me a little sad that he's off vacationing, while I'm here doing all of the things.  The mostly boring things.  I'd rather be with him.  On the other side of the coin --he totally deserves this time with his father. He works so hard and doesn't do a whole lot for himself. So I should be happy for him right? Right.

The other thing I figured out from writing is  that I'm coming down off of a high, after spending a few weeks in California, in the cool breeze -hanging out with my friends and my family.  There was hardly ever a dull moment.  And when there was a dull moment -I was happy to just rest. There is so much to do there and there are so many people that I love. Being at home is a natural high for me.

The truth is ...I really do not like Texas. I hate that there is no escaping the heat here in the summer.  My backyard is luscious and green right now, but I can't go back there and enjoy it because of the heat and mosquitos.  No offense Texas lovers,  but I am and always will be a California girl.  It hits me about this time every year when it is excruciatingly hot.

The only difference this year from others, is that I'm usually too busy to think about how much I hate it here.  But with things being a little more quiet than usual, my mind keeps drifting back to that little itch.  I'd rather be at the beach.  I'd rather be anywhere but here, giving kids and my mother rides to camp, to friend's houses,  doctors and the freakin' grocery store.

After reading through my pity party post ...I decided that I needed to look at my blessings instead of my problems.  I need to sincerely appreciate this quiet time in my life.  I now have an extremely clean bedroom.  I mean every corner and crevice has been covered, much better than any maid service ever would.  I have re-organized all of the cabinets and drawers inside of my freshly, deeply cleaned  master bathroom.  I got rid of so much clutter.  I now have room for everything.

Aah...cleansing breath.

So this morning I woke up and decided to approach the day in a different way.  Here is my Facebook Status from this morning...

~Today I choose to focus on solutions rather than problems. 
On Courage rather than fear. 
Make it a positive day...
And don't forget to laugh...even if it's at yourself.

And I have chosen to do just that! Oh...and I finally got my hair colored.

Here is one reason for me to smile today.  I haven't seen Red look this happy in ....forever!