I'm good for telling my boys, when they feel sadness and depression for no apparent reason, to just change the channel. Do something different to get your mind off of your worries. Watch a funny movie. Listen to good music. Go do something physical. Count your blessings! Your life is so full of them. The past few days, I've needed to take my own advice.
Not only is this an investment in him. Truthfully, it is also an investment in my sanity. There is no bickering and fighting with between the two boys. No bickering and fighting between Red and my mom. They both seem to get a kick out of pushing each other's buttons.
Also, Hubby took off on a trip to see his father for a few days. So technically, that's two less hungry men to cook for, and worry about. The only boss I have in the house is Blue. And even he has been keeping himself pretty busy, with his own social agenda. Of course, I am on stand-by, beck and call for transportation, but at least it's only for one child and not both.
I'm blessed right? Right! Hell! I should be dancing on the ceiling! But the truth is...I haven't been dancing at all.
So yesterday I sat down to write this pity party blog post -whining about every thing I hate and why I'm sad. When I finished writing I went to bed. As I lay my head on the pillow, I think to myself ...you are the biggest whinny baby! You should be happy! Karen -you are focusing on the negatives, when actually you are blessed.
Writing is so cathartic. From writing down my feelings yesterday...I figured out how pathetic I was being. I was also able to figure out what it is that's giving me that feeling of ...ugh, something is missing.
I have more time on my hands than I've had in a long time. I have peace in the house and I don't know what the hell to do with it. I'm just not used to it. It is not my normal.
Instead of keeping myself busy doing fun things or anything for myself, I've been still sitting around at Blue's beck and call. I've also been working on some long neglected projects in my house. I've been doing some deep cleaning and organizing. Not exactly fun stuff. At the same time, what a blessing that I've been able to finally get to it.
Another thing that is missing ...is my partner in crime -my husband. As much as he drives me nuts when he is here. We do still manage to have fun together. Especially, when we can get time to ourselves. I miss him right now. I miss him more than I usually do because I'm usually too busy to miss him. I think it's making me a little sad that he's off vacationing, while I'm here doing all of the things. The mostly boring things. I'd rather be with him. On the other side of the coin --he totally deserves this time with his father. He works so hard and doesn't do a whole lot for himself. So I should be happy for him right? Right.
The other thing I figured out from writing is that I'm coming down off of a high, after spending a few weeks in California, in the cool breeze -hanging out with my friends and my family. There was hardly ever a dull moment. And when there was a dull moment -I was happy to just rest. There is so much to do there and there are so many people that I love. Being at home is a natural high for me.
The truth is ...I really do not like Texas. I hate that there is no escaping the heat here in the summer. My backyard is luscious and green right now, but I can't go back there and enjoy it because of the heat and mosquitos. No offense Texas lovers, but I am and always will be a California girl. It hits me about this time every year when it is excruciatingly hot.
The only difference this year from others, is that I'm usually too busy to think about how much I hate it here. But with things being a little more quiet than usual, my mind keeps drifting back to that little itch. I'd rather be at the beach. I'd rather be anywhere but here, giving kids and my mother rides to camp, to friend's houses, doctors and the freakin' grocery store.
After reading through my pity party post ...I decided that I needed to look at my blessings instead of my problems. I need to sincerely appreciate this quiet time in my life. I now have an extremely clean bedroom. I mean every corner and crevice has been covered, much better than any maid service ever would. I have re-organized all of the cabinets and drawers inside of my freshly, deeply cleaned master bathroom. I got rid of so much clutter. I now have room for everything.
Aah...cleansing breath.
So this morning I woke up and decided to approach the day in a different way. Here is my Facebook Status from this morning...
~Today I choose to focus on solutions rather than problems.
On Courage rather than fear.
Make it a positive day...
And don't forget to laugh...even if it's at yourself.
And I have chosen to do just that! Oh...and I finally got my hair colored.
Here is one reason for me to smile today. I haven't seen Red look this happy in ....forever!
I have a friend who is going through an excruciating time right now. I've been there to encourage her to get off the couch. Get busy! Eat! Go to the beach! Go for a walk...do something...anything. All the while I'm dishing out this advice, I'm feeling like crap myself.
The thing is I have absolutely no valid reason to be sad, or down. In fact, I have some pretty damn good reasons to be happy. Red is away at camp right now. That means no daily phone calls to say...
-Mom I'm hungry. What am I supposed to eat?
-I'm bored!
-I am NOT going back to that high school next year!
Not only is this an investment in him. Truthfully, it is also an investment in my sanity. There is no bickering and fighting with between the two boys. No bickering and fighting between Red and my mom. They both seem to get a kick out of pushing each other's buttons.
Also, Hubby took off on a trip to see his father for a few days. So technically, that's two less hungry men to cook for, and worry about. The only boss I have in the house is Blue. And even he has been keeping himself pretty busy, with his own social agenda. Of course, I am on stand-by, beck and call for transportation, but at least it's only for one child and not both.
I'm blessed right? Right! Hell! I should be dancing on the ceiling! But the truth is...I haven't been dancing at all.
So yesterday I sat down to write this pity party blog post -whining about every thing I hate and why I'm sad. When I finished writing I went to bed. As I lay my head on the pillow, I think to myself ...you are the biggest whinny baby! You should be happy! Karen -you are focusing on the negatives, when actually you are blessed.
Writing is so cathartic. From writing down my feelings yesterday...I figured out how pathetic I was being. I was also able to figure out what it is that's giving me that feeling of ...ugh, something is missing.
I have more time on my hands than I've had in a long time. I have peace in the house and I don't know what the hell to do with it. I'm just not used to it. It is not my normal.
Instead of keeping myself busy doing fun things or anything for myself, I've been still sitting around at Blue's beck and call. I've also been working on some long neglected projects in my house. I've been doing some deep cleaning and organizing. Not exactly fun stuff. At the same time, what a blessing that I've been able to finally get to it.
Another thing that is missing ...is my partner in crime -my husband. As much as he drives me nuts when he is here. We do still manage to have fun together. Especially, when we can get time to ourselves. I miss him right now. I miss him more than I usually do because I'm usually too busy to miss him. I think it's making me a little sad that he's off vacationing, while I'm here doing all of the things. The mostly boring things. I'd rather be with him. On the other side of the coin --he totally deserves this time with his father. He works so hard and doesn't do a whole lot for himself. So I should be happy for him right? Right.
The other thing I figured out from writing is that I'm coming down off of a high, after spending a few weeks in California, in the cool breeze -hanging out with my friends and my family. There was hardly ever a dull moment. And when there was a dull moment -I was happy to just rest. There is so much to do there and there are so many people that I love. Being at home is a natural high for me.
The truth is ...I really do not like Texas. I hate that there is no escaping the heat here in the summer. My backyard is luscious and green right now, but I can't go back there and enjoy it because of the heat and mosquitos. No offense Texas lovers, but I am and always will be a California girl. It hits me about this time every year when it is excruciatingly hot.
The only difference this year from others, is that I'm usually too busy to think about how much I hate it here. But with things being a little more quiet than usual, my mind keeps drifting back to that little itch. I'd rather be at the beach. I'd rather be anywhere but here, giving kids and my mother rides to camp, to friend's houses, doctors and the freakin' grocery store.
After reading through my pity party post ...I decided that I needed to look at my blessings instead of my problems. I need to sincerely appreciate this quiet time in my life. I now have an extremely clean bedroom. I mean every corner and crevice has been covered, much better than any maid service ever would. I have re-organized all of the cabinets and drawers inside of my freshly, deeply cleaned master bathroom. I got rid of so much clutter. I now have room for everything.
Aah...cleansing breath.
So this morning I woke up and decided to approach the day in a different way. Here is my Facebook Status from this morning...
~Today I choose to focus on solutions rather than problems.
On Courage rather than fear.
Make it a positive day...
And don't forget to laugh...even if it's at yourself.
And I have chosen to do just that! Oh...and I finally got my hair colored.
Here is one reason for me to smile today. I haven't seen Red look this happy in ....forever!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago