Facebook is a sham! It's a sham that I love to participate in ...but a sham nonetheless. Your friends post all of these pretty pictures of their happy little lives, smiling with their pretty things in these beautiful places. Ha ha ha! Fun fun fun! Yeah ...whatever!
You want to know how I know this? It's from first hand experience, of course. You see today ...I took some of those pretty pictures and couldn't wait to post them on Facebook.
It's Valentines Day. The 14 year-olds (Blue and his buddies) were definitely dreading the day because although they have crushes, they have no goods! No girlfriends ...no Valentines -no special attention. It's a day that makes them feel more left out than usual.
So we --the moms of these boys go jump through hoops to make this a day about friendship, family and good times. The twin's mom made them a special breakfast and sent them off like a cheerleader with pompoms and everything. No literally...she had red, shiny, Valentines pompoms!
I run out to get flowers for my mom and for all of my men (Red, Blue and Dad). Single red roses for the guys. Yellow roses and lilies for my mom. I pick up dinner early so it would be here when the boys get home from school.
I pick up the middle-schoolers and take them out for ice-cream. We all know -ice cream makes everything better and melts all of your troubles away. I want to put a smile on their faces and make them think about their friendship instead of some unreciprocated crush on a silly middle-school girl. It works! Here is the pretty picture to prove it...
Well before I could get the picture posted good this happens...
Hubby calls me while we are out having ice-cream...
"Um honey...I was wondering if you could meet me real-quick for dinner. I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day and I have to come back to the office to finish some quotes."
Really? Sure Honey! Let me just drop everything and run right out to meet you for dinner. It's Valentines day. Everything will be crowded as hell, so I'm sure there will be no waiting. Oh and these boys? I guess I'll just leave them here with homework un-touched, because after all our evenings have been running so smoothly lately. They don't need any supervision. No! I'm not worried at all that one or both of them may have a meltdown and say...try to kill each other while I'm off having this quick, spontaneous, middle-of-the week dinner out with you! No need to plan ahead for dinner out on a major holiday! Forget about the dinner I have already picked up so that you wouldn't have to. Yes -it is waiting for us at home. But hey, I understand it looks like you won't be home to eat it with us because you have to work late. No! I'm not upset! Really. This is just the best day ever!
Blue wants his friend to come over and do homework and hangout for dinner with us. However, his friend's mom has other plans. They are going out for. Remember? She is trying to make this day extra-speical for her boys too!
Well -Blue is disappointed. As we pull away from their house he starts with negative comments about his plans being ruined to hang out with his friend.
But -we just hung out with your friend for over an hour having ice-cream. Not.Good.Enough!
Here we go off on the deep-end. He is not thinking in the least about what we have just done. He can only see what he did not get the chance to do. One thing leads to another and by the time we pull into our driveway he's yelling at me. Seriously? This is not happening. I do not respond favorably. In fact, I basically kick him out of the house and tell him to go for a walk to cool off. Where does he go? Right back to his friend's house. Whatever! I don't even care at this juncture.
He has no idea that I have bought him his own single-red rose, dinner and was planning on making homemade Toll-House cookies. I am hurt and angry at this point, but while he is cooling off -so am I. I told my self a long time ago, when it comes to these children on the spectrum, give without thought of reciprocation or gratitude. Do for them because it makes me happy, not because I'm looking for a specific response. Otherwise, I will often find myself disappointed.
His perspective is different than mine. He can't see past what he did not get to do in order to see what he did get to do. It is my job to teach him that. If he gets a wife someday, she will not take kindly to being brushed off when she has gone out of her way for him. However, I can't teach him anything during a fit of anger or in the heat of the moment when both of our egos are in danger of being bruised.
So I say all of this to say, when you see those pretty pictures on Facebook, don't be fooled into believing that everyone has this perfectly wonderful little life. Our teenagers as well as many adults do this for hours on end. They look at pictures of their school-mates -I won't even call them friends. They think ...Look at them all having so much fun! They have it all!
What we are not seeing is the little ugly parts of their lives that are not so fun to look at. No one wants you to see the family fights, meltdowns, arguments and tears. They paint the pretty picture and we all buy it.
Well not me! I am guilty of posting the pretty pictures, but I also write the truth -the good, the bad and the ugly both on Facebook and on this blog. I may get a lot of flack from some of my family when I do so. I don't really care. I'm a writer. This what I do. I write about myself and my family and show you the truth -with all of our flaws. I know it's hard to believe I'm not perfect. I hope to make you laugh in the process, because my family is hilarious and my life is ludicrous! What is life really, if you can't laugh at yourself?
I'll paint you a picture alright, but it will not be all pretty. You see that's one of the wonderful things that I love about art. In art and in love ...there is no such thing as perfection.
You want to know how I know this? It's from first hand experience, of course. You see today ...I took some of those pretty pictures and couldn't wait to post them on Facebook.
It's Valentines Day. The 14 year-olds (Blue and his buddies) were definitely dreading the day because although they have crushes, they have no goods! No girlfriends ...no Valentines -no special attention. It's a day that makes them feel more left out than usual.
So we --the moms of these boys go jump through hoops to make this a day about friendship, family and good times. The twin's mom made them a special breakfast and sent them off like a cheerleader with pompoms and everything. No literally...she had red, shiny, Valentines pompoms!
I run out to get flowers for my mom and for all of my men (Red, Blue and Dad). Single red roses for the guys. Yellow roses and lilies for my mom. I pick up dinner early so it would be here when the boys get home from school.
I pick up the middle-schoolers and take them out for ice-cream. We all know -ice cream makes everything better and melts all of your troubles away. I want to put a smile on their faces and make them think about their friendship instead of some unreciprocated crush on a silly middle-school girl. It works! Here is the pretty picture to prove it...
Hubby calls me while we are out having ice-cream...
"Um honey...I was wondering if you could meet me real-quick for dinner. I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day and I have to come back to the office to finish some quotes."
Really? Sure Honey! Let me just drop everything and run right out to meet you for dinner. It's Valentines day. Everything will be crowded as hell, so I'm sure there will be no waiting. Oh and these boys? I guess I'll just leave them here with homework un-touched, because after all our evenings have been running so smoothly lately. They don't need any supervision. No! I'm not worried at all that one or both of them may have a meltdown and say...try to kill each other while I'm off having this quick, spontaneous, middle-of-the week dinner out with you! No need to plan ahead for dinner out on a major holiday! Forget about the dinner I have already picked up so that you wouldn't have to. Yes -it is waiting for us at home. But hey, I understand it looks like you won't be home to eat it with us because you have to work late. No! I'm not upset! Really. This is just the best day ever!
Blue wants his friend to come over and do homework and hangout for dinner with us. However, his friend's mom has other plans. They are going out for. Remember? She is trying to make this day extra-speical for her boys too!
Well -Blue is disappointed. As we pull away from their house he starts with negative comments about his plans being ruined to hang out with his friend.
But -we just hung out with your friend for over an hour having ice-cream. Not.Good.Enough!
Here we go off on the deep-end. He is not thinking in the least about what we have just done. He can only see what he did not get the chance to do. One thing leads to another and by the time we pull into our driveway he's yelling at me. Seriously? This is not happening. I do not respond favorably. In fact, I basically kick him out of the house and tell him to go for a walk to cool off. Where does he go? Right back to his friend's house. Whatever! I don't even care at this juncture.
He has no idea that I have bought him his own single-red rose, dinner and was planning on making homemade Toll-House cookies. I am hurt and angry at this point, but while he is cooling off -so am I. I told my self a long time ago, when it comes to these children on the spectrum, give without thought of reciprocation or gratitude. Do for them because it makes me happy, not because I'm looking for a specific response. Otherwise, I will often find myself disappointed.
His perspective is different than mine. He can't see past what he did not get to do in order to see what he did get to do. It is my job to teach him that. If he gets a wife someday, she will not take kindly to being brushed off when she has gone out of her way for him. However, I can't teach him anything during a fit of anger or in the heat of the moment when both of our egos are in danger of being bruised.
So I say all of this to say, when you see those pretty pictures on Facebook, don't be fooled into believing that everyone has this perfectly wonderful little life. Our teenagers as well as many adults do this for hours on end. They look at pictures of their school-mates -I won't even call them friends. They think ...Look at them all having so much fun! They have it all!
What we are not seeing is the little ugly parts of their lives that are not so fun to look at. No one wants you to see the family fights, meltdowns, arguments and tears. They paint the pretty picture and we all buy it.
Well not me! I am guilty of posting the pretty pictures, but I also write the truth -the good, the bad and the ugly both on Facebook and on this blog. I may get a lot of flack from some of my family when I do so. I don't really care. I'm a writer. This what I do. I write about myself and my family and show you the truth -with all of our flaws. I know it's hard to believe I'm not perfect. I hope to make you laugh in the process, because my family is hilarious and my life is ludicrous! What is life really, if you can't laugh at yourself?
I'll paint you a picture alright, but it will not be all pretty. You see that's one of the wonderful things that I love about art. In art and in love ...there is no such thing as perfection.
And by the way ...dear husband of mine. For future reference -Please do not buy me cards with pictures of real people on them. Who are these people? I don't know them. Is that supposed to be me? I don't get it. There is now a strange black woman sitting on my dresser. I don't want to look at this stranger. It distracts from the message. As a matter of fact ...maybe you should just write me a note.
Love you madly!
Your Smart-ass Wife
Your Smart-ass Wife
 |
| The Single Rose for my love The picture above I made for him another V-day |
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
Robots for kids
Robotic Online Classes
Robotics School Projects
Programming Courses Malaysia
Coding courses
Coding Academy
coding robots for kids
Coding classes for kids
Coding For Kids
Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago