This weekend was 10 times better than last. Red spent the night with a friend. Blue hung out with a friend. Daddy (or as I call him these days Rico Suave) and I went on a date. I call him Rico Suave because he has recently lost over 30 pounds and he thinks he's hot! And he is. To top it all off...I took a day for myself and spent Sunday afternoon at a reasonably priced day spa, with my phone turned off.
When I turn it back on... of course, there is a message from Red:
"I had a really good time with hanging out with my friend last night and I really am looking forward to the field trip tomorrow. So yeah...this was a pretty good weekend. I hope you're having a good time wherever you are." Nice!
When I sneak in the house...all is quiet. Unbelievably, the two boys are behind closed doors in Red's room, hanging out together. There is no fighting. I said unbelievable right!? This lasts until right before bed time. I stay hidden in my room because who am I to disturb the peace?
Blue comes in and tells me how "mean and old-school dad was today."
Red comes in and gives me every detail of his time with his friend.
One of the things he tells me ...I really did not want to hear --some foolish young boy's mischief they got into. Honesty is not always the best policy. Some details, a mother should be spared. I spared my mother a ton of details in my teen years. I tell him that the behavior was on the immature side and that I hope he will make better choices in the future. Well...what did I do that for? This completely changes his mood. He goes over to the dark side. He's feeling bad about his choice, but also a little defiant at the same time.
When I go to tuck him into bed (yes he is 17 and I still tuck him in...we call it My Time. And most nights he will not go to bed without it.) He is going off on a dark negative path of thoughts, which he has to verbalize. I want to run screaming out of the room. He begs me not to leave. He wants to talk...he wants me to engage all of this negativity.
I tell him, "I will stay if you want to pray. Other than that...I'm leaving."
Prayer is a language that Red understands and respects ...much more than anything that I can ever say to him directly.
He chooses to pray...
Dear Lord,
We thank you so much for the blessings of this weekend.
I am especially grateful for the time I got to spend by myself to help me relieve so much stress that has been building over these past few weeks.
We are also thankful for the time that Red got to spend with his friend, and for all of the true friends that you have blessed him with over this past couple of years.
There was a time not that long ago, when he didn't have as many real friends in his life that truly care for him and accept him for exactly who he is.
(I then list every friend)
Thank you for all of the adults in his life who love and support him
For the teachers (I name them all)
and especially Mr. M -who came to our house this weekend, just to bring Red the field trip forms
He told Red that he can call him anytime he needs to talk.
What a blessing he is.
We thank you for the field trip that he will go on tomorrow, where he will be in a role of leadership ...helping others with disabilities.
There are many kids who don't have the support or positive direction that Red does.
They are out there floating aimlessly, being teased and harassed.
Some of them end up wanting to hurt themselves because they feel so helpless.
Help Red to see how blessed he is by his support system, and not to see it as some sort of restriction.
This support helps keep his mind engaged with positivity.
He is busy helping others who look up to him, and who really care about him instead of spending time focusing on those who don't care about him at all.
Please keep him focused on the positives in his life...for you have given him so many."
With this prayer he turns to me, smiles and asks for a hug.
The negative vibe is gone...at least for the moment.
