This weekend was 10 times better than last. Red spent the night with a friend. Blue hung out with a friend. Daddy (or as I call him these days Rico Suave) and I went on a date. I call him Rico Suave because he has recently lost over 30 pounds and he thinks he's hot! And he is. To top it all off...I took a day for myself and spent Sunday afternoon at a reasonably priced day spa, with my phone turned off.
When I turn it back on... of course, there is a message from Red:
"I had a really good time with hanging out with my friend last night and I really am looking forward to the field trip tomorrow. So yeah...this was a pretty good weekend. I hope you're having a good time wherever you are." Nice!
When I sneak in the house...all is quiet. Unbelievably, the two boys are behind closed doors in Red's room, hanging out together. There is no fighting. I said unbelievable right!? This lasts until right before bed time. I stay hidden in my room because who am I to disturb the peace?
Blue comes in and tells me how "mean and old-school dad was today."
Red comes in and gives me every detail of his time with his friend.
One of the things he tells me ...I really did not want to hear --some foolish young boy's mischief they got into. Honesty is not always the best policy. Some details, a mother should be spared. I spared my mother a ton of details in my teen years. I tell him that the behavior was on the immature side and that I hope he will make better choices in the future. Well...what did I do that for? This completely changes his mood. He goes over to the dark side. He's feeling bad about his choice, but also a little defiant at the same time.
When I go to tuck him into bed (yes he is 17 and I still tuck him in...we call it My Time. And most nights he will not go to bed without it.) He is going off on a dark negative path of thoughts, which he has to verbalize. I want to run screaming out of the room. He begs me not to leave. He wants to talk...he wants me to engage all of this negativity.
I tell him, "I will stay if you want to pray. Other than that...I'm leaving."
Prayer is a language that Red understands and respects ...much more than anything that I can ever say to him directly.
He chooses to pray...
Dear Lord,
We thank you so much for the blessings of this weekend.
I am especially grateful for the time I got to spend by myself to help me relieve so much stress that has been building over these past few weeks.
We are also thankful for the time that Red got to spend with his friend, and for all of the true friends that you have blessed him with over this past couple of years.
There was a time not that long ago, when he didn't have as many real friends in his life that truly care for him and accept him for exactly who he is.
(I then list every friend)
Thank you for all of the adults in his life who love and support him
For the teachers (I name them all)
and especially Mr. M -who came to our house this weekend, just to bring Red the field trip forms
He told Red that he can call him anytime he needs to talk.
What a blessing he is.
We thank you for the field trip that he will go on tomorrow, where he will be in a role of leadership ...helping others with disabilities.
There are many kids who don't have the support or positive direction that Red does.
They are out there floating aimlessly, being teased and harassed.
Some of them end up wanting to hurt themselves because they feel so helpless.
Help Red to see how blessed he is by his support system, and not to see it as some sort of restriction.
This support helps keep his mind engaged with positivity.
He is busy helping others who look up to him, and who really care about him instead of spending time focusing on those who don't care about him at all.
Please keep him focused on the positives in his life...for you have given him so many."
With this prayer he turns to me, smiles and asks for a hug.
The negative vibe is gone...at least for the moment.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago