I could use this post to tell you the depressing story of how me and Red went through 3 therapy sessions in one day, one with the School Psychologist, another with the Psychiatrist and one with the Behavior Therapist. How Red did a great job of processing through and accepting responsibility for his behavior with all of these professionals ...only to totally dump on me all the way home in the car back at square one. Square one ...where he goes back off the deep end like he doesn't get it at all and he starts blaming everyone and their mother for why he got into trouble at school.
I could tell you how I completely lost it in the car as I listened to his bullshit, thinking about all of the time, money and effort I am putting in to helping him only to have him dump on me as if I've done nothing. (I know this isn't really about me ...but still. I can only take so much.) I could tell you how I laid into him in the car --pulled up to the house and told him to get out so that I could leave because I couldn't take another minute of his negativity. How he walked into the house and slammed the door so hard that one of my pictures fell off the wall and broke.
I could tell you how his father barreled down the stairs and took over where I left off laying into him about his behavior to the point where my mom thought he might have a heart attack. Then Red goes up stairs and puts one of those F*#% this and that statuses on Facebook. How it was so bad that relatives started calling us to find out what the hell was going on.
I could tell you how my brother called from California and talked Red down ...back to reality. He tells him how much his entire family loves and supports him and how he should be grateful for all of his blessings. How Red then takes the F*#% the world status down from Facebook and apologizes to all of us. And how so many people came out to support him on Facebook and via phone calls to let him know that they have his back.
But all of that would be so boring. It would be so --the norm for us...and you've heard it all before. So instead, I will tell you how life is looking up again and how funny this conversation was on the way to school today with Blue and his middle school friends, who are also on the spectrum.
One of the twins has been down in the dumps lately about a girl who is not responding to him the way that he would like for her to. All teens have these girl issues. I've been through this before with my typical son. The difference here is the fixation aspect, and the lack of communication skills to actually get try to convey how they are actually feeling about the girl. Their is this tendency to want to skip from A to Z without all of the steps in between. If the girl smiles at them, and is cordial they think this is a cue that she wants to be his girlfriend. He is sad, because he really would like this girl to be his best friend and/or girlfriend like yesterday and that does not seem to be happening. He is also really sad about the fact that she is also friendly with so many other boys and takes it very personally.
When we are carpooling, I try to keep the chatter light and cheerful, hopefully taking his mind off of his worries during our travels. This doesn't always work.
Blue -Are you guys going to spirit night at the high school tonight?
Twin 1 -Yeah...I kind of forgot about it. But I guess so.
Twin 2 -What electives are you going to take?
Twin 1 -I don't know...maybe football.
Me -Football? What about band? (The twins are both in band now.)
Twin 1 -I don't know. Maybe I should play football so...you know...I can get some bigger muscles.
Blue -You don't need to do that. Why are you doing that? To get girls? You don't want the kind of girls that want you only for your muscles. That's not the way to get girls.
Me -Well...it is one way.
Blue -Mom!!! I'm talking to my friend.
Me -I'm just saying.
Blue -If you play football you have to act stupid and all cool and not be yourself and that will not get you the right girl. Trust me...I know what I'm talking about.
Me -Not all football players are stupid. I had many friends who were football players in high school and they weren't stupid.
Blue -Mom ...we're not talking about 50 years ago when you went to high school!
Wow! I'm not at all insulted by that.
Twin 1 -Remember what we talked about last night? Keeping the peace with your mom.
Blue -Yeah...but she makes it hard.
Last night Blue ran away to the twins house because he says there's too much fighting in our house. Now of course -the fact that he can't mind his own business and always has to have the last word has nothing to do with that right? I mean ...it's all our fault....everyone except for him.
*I hope you all get my extreme sarcasm here.
Twin 1 -I think it will be good if I get more muscles.
Blue -You're not going to get the right kind of girl doing that.
Me -What about band? You're really good at playing your instrument. There may be lots of cute girls in the band.
Twin 1 -I doubt it. Not the right ones.
Blue -Mom! I'm trying to talk to my friend here. Believe me I know what I'm talking about. Because afterall...he has all of the girls right? I mean he has so much experience. Me? I was just born yesterday ...I mean 65 years ago because I went to high school 50 years ago...according to my son.
Me -Oh. Sorry. I forgot ...I don't know anything. I'll stay out of it.
Luckily for them, it is now time to get out of the car. We're at school --where Blue ...Mr. Know Everything can now hold class without me interrupting.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
Robots for kids
Robotic Online Classes
Robotics School Projects
Programming Courses Malaysia
Coding courses
Coding Academy
coding robots for kids
Coding classes for kids
Coding For Kids
Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago