It's the looping conversations where you are being asked questions that are posed in the most imminent manner.
"YOU MUST answer me NOW!"
When you do answer, you are met with, "No it's not that. It's this."
When you do answer, you are met with, "No it's not that. It's this."
You are left wonder, How did I get suckered into that one again?
If you don't answer they say, "Why are you ignoring me?"
"Because your question has been asked and answered 9 zillion times. And no matter how many different ways I put it...you don't get it. You don't want to get! You don't care to get it! It's not really my opinion you want. You may as well be having this conversation with yourself, because your opinion is really the only one that matters!"
You try to come up with fanciful ways to entertain them and yourself.
When asked silly questions like ...
"Why do you have to exercise to loose weight?"
"Why does everything that's healthy have to taste so disgusting?"
"Why do I have to eat things I don't like to loose weight?"
"Why do girls only like boys who are ripped?"
You answer them with a well thought out, logical explanation the first DOZEN times.
When asked silly questions like ...
"Why do you have to exercise to loose weight?"
"Why does everything that's healthy have to taste so disgusting?"
"Why do I have to eat things I don't like to loose weight?"
"Why do girls only like boys who are ripped?"
You answer them with a well thought out, logical explanation the first DOZEN times.
Then you start to say things like...
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
Or "You have a computer go look it up?"
Or there's always...
"What did I say the last 3 thousand times you asked me that question!?"
There are also the questions that are asked...where you never get the opportunity to answer because when you start to speak ...they speak right over you, as if you're on mute. Again, I call this a conversation with self. It's like an internal dialog spoken audibly, posed as a question, but somehow, it's really a statement, which leads to another statement of their own point of view.
It's a load of fun when you are trying to have a teachable moment, but they HATE to be corrected or taught by their parents. I mean...what do we know anyway? Why am I even here other than to be the chauffeur, grocery shopper, cook and giver of money?
Yesterday Blue's camp went to one of his many favorite restaurants the Olive Garden as a social skills outing, to teach skills like ordering, etiquette, budgeting, tipping etc. Parents were told to send 10 to 12 dollars. I sent 15. He asked for $20. I know that he will spend up to the limit and then some, so I specifically tell him to stay within his budget, nothing fancy...no dessert!
This boy gets there orders Stuffed Chicken Marsala, a dish that cost nearly $15.00, plus an Italian soda, so of course, his bill is $18.00. Luckily for him, there was no tax, and the camp was taking care of the tip. If not, he really would have been SOL (shit out of luck). One of the adults had to loan him $3.00.
When I pick him up ...I am all over the lesson he needs to learn here. The value of money, staying within your budget. What would you do if you were out with friends and no one could cover you? You would be washing dishes! This boy is so rich! A freakin' $15.00 plate for lunch!
He becomes so angry at the correction. He doesn't want to hear it.
"You're making me feel bad! It wasn't my fault! Well...I told you to give me $20."
What have I done by exposing him to dining out so often? Have I created an entitled little monster?! One of the staff members told me he even talked about ordering appetizers! She thought maybe he was showing off a bit for the girls. He may have been, but actually this is pretty typical of his restaurant behavior.
I have to put this on my list of things he needs to learn before he goes off to college. Dude ...you are not rich! You have to live within a budget.
The other fun thing I've been listening to this week from Red, who is nearly 17 years old (which scares the crap out of me) is...
"Why do you keep bugging me about going to work training? I don't need this! I don't need an IEP any more? I don't need any help! It's my life!"
He even said once, "Why can't you just let me RUIN my life?"
This is not a type o. He said RUIN, not run...RUIN.
Later on when I repeat his statement to a friend of ours ...he denies ever saying it. Who knows he may not even remember saying it? When he goes on these rants, he often says the most ridiculous things that make NO SENSE whatsoever. I think he does it to push my buttons. Afterwards, he will say something even more ludicrous like, "You can't believe everything that I say Mom. Sometimes I say things I don't mean." YA ThINK?
I could go on all day with the lunacy that is my life. Chances are, if you're an Aspergers parent, you already know what I'm talking about.
"What did I say the last 3 thousand times you asked me that question!?"
There are also the questions that are asked...where you never get the opportunity to answer because when you start to speak ...they speak right over you, as if you're on mute. Again, I call this a conversation with self. It's like an internal dialog spoken audibly, posed as a question, but somehow, it's really a statement, which leads to another statement of their own point of view.
It's a load of fun when you are trying to have a teachable moment, but they HATE to be corrected or taught by their parents. I mean...what do we know anyway? Why am I even here other than to be the chauffeur, grocery shopper, cook and giver of money?
Yesterday Blue's camp went to one of his many favorite restaurants the Olive Garden as a social skills outing, to teach skills like ordering, etiquette, budgeting, tipping etc. Parents were told to send 10 to 12 dollars. I sent 15. He asked for $20. I know that he will spend up to the limit and then some, so I specifically tell him to stay within his budget, nothing fancy...no dessert!
This boy gets there orders Stuffed Chicken Marsala, a dish that cost nearly $15.00, plus an Italian soda, so of course, his bill is $18.00. Luckily for him, there was no tax, and the camp was taking care of the tip. If not, he really would have been SOL (shit out of luck). One of the adults had to loan him $3.00.
When I pick him up ...I am all over the lesson he needs to learn here. The value of money, staying within your budget. What would you do if you were out with friends and no one could cover you? You would be washing dishes! This boy is so rich! A freakin' $15.00 plate for lunch!
He becomes so angry at the correction. He doesn't want to hear it.
"You're making me feel bad! It wasn't my fault! Well...I told you to give me $20."
What have I done by exposing him to dining out so often? Have I created an entitled little monster?! One of the staff members told me he even talked about ordering appetizers! She thought maybe he was showing off a bit for the girls. He may have been, but actually this is pretty typical of his restaurant behavior.
I have to put this on my list of things he needs to learn before he goes off to college. Dude ...you are not rich! You have to live within a budget.
The other fun thing I've been listening to this week from Red, who is nearly 17 years old (which scares the crap out of me) is...
"Why do you keep bugging me about going to work training? I don't need this! I don't need an IEP any more? I don't need any help! It's my life!"
He even said once, "Why can't you just let me RUIN my life?"
This is not a type o. He said RUIN, not run...RUIN.
Later on when I repeat his statement to a friend of ours ...he denies ever saying it. Who knows he may not even remember saying it? When he goes on these rants, he often says the most ridiculous things that make NO SENSE whatsoever. I think he does it to push my buttons. Afterwards, he will say something even more ludicrous like, "You can't believe everything that I say Mom. Sometimes I say things I don't mean." YA ThINK?
I could go on all day with the lunacy that is my life. Chances are, if you're an Aspergers parent, you already know what I'm talking about.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago