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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Simple Things...

It the small, seemingly simple things that start to add up when you are parenting an Aspergers kid.
It's the looping conversations where you are being asked questions that are posed in the most imminent manner.
"YOU MUST answer me NOW!"
When you do answer, you are met with, "No it's not that. It's this." 

You are left wonder,  How did I get suckered into that one again? 
If you don't answer they say, "Why are you ignoring me?"  
"Because your question has been asked and answered 9 zillion times. And no matter how many different ways I put it...you don't get it.  You don't want to get!  You don't care to get it!  It's not really my opinion you want.  You may as well be having this conversation with yourself,  because your opinion is really the only one that matters!"

You try to come up with fanciful ways to entertain them and yourself.
When asked silly questions like ...
"Why do you have to exercise to loose weight?"
"Why does everything that's healthy have to taste so disgusting?"
"Why do I have to eat things I don't like to loose weight?"
"Why do girls only like boys who are ripped?"
You answer them with a well thought out, logical explanation the first DOZEN times.  
Then you start to say things like...
"I don't know.  What do you think?" 
Or "You have a computer go look it up?" 
Or there's always...
"What did I say the last 3 thousand times you asked me that question!?"

There are also the questions that are asked...where you never get the opportunity to answer because when you start to speak ...they speak right over you, as if you're on mute.  Again, I call this a conversation with self.  It's like an internal dialog spoken audibly, posed as a question, but somehow, it's really a statement, which leads to another statement of their own point of view.

It's a load of fun when you are trying to have a teachable moment, but they HATE to be corrected or taught by their parents.  I mean...what do we know anyway?  Why am I even here other than to be the chauffeur, grocery shopper, cook and giver of money?

Yesterday Blue's camp went to one of his many favorite restaurants the Olive Garden as a social skills outing, to teach skills like ordering, etiquette, budgeting, tipping etc.  Parents were told to send 10 to 12 dollars.  I sent 15.  He asked for $20.  I know that he will spend up to the limit and then some, so I specifically tell him to stay within his budget, nothing fancy...no dessert!

This boy gets there orders Stuffed Chicken Marsala,  a dish that cost nearly $15.00,  plus an Italian soda,  so of course, his bill is $18.00.  Luckily for him, there was no tax, and the camp was taking care of the tip.  If not, he really would have been SOL (shit out of luck).  One of the adults had to loan him $3.00.

When I pick him up ...I am all over the lesson he needs to learn here.  The value of money, staying within your budget.  What would you do if you were out with friends and no one could cover you?  You would be washing dishes!  This boy is so rich!  A freakin' $15.00 plate for lunch! 

He becomes so angry at the correction.  He doesn't want to hear it.
"You're making me feel bad! It wasn't my fault!  Well...I told you to give me $20."
What have I done by exposing him to dining out so often?  Have I created an entitled little monster?!  One of the staff members told me he even talked about ordering appetizers!  She thought maybe he was showing off a bit for the girls.  He may have been, but actually this is pretty typical of his restaurant behavior.

I have to put this on my list of things he needs to learn before he goes off to college.  Dude ...you are not rich! You have to live within a budget.

The other fun thing I've been listening to this week from Red, who is nearly 17 years old (which scares the crap out of me) is...
"Why do you keep bugging me about going to work training?  I don't need this!  I don't need an IEP any more?  I don't need any help! It's my life!"
He even said once, "Why can't you just let me RUIN my life?"
This is not a type o.  He said RUIN, not run...RUIN.

Later on when I repeat his statement to a friend of ours ...he denies ever saying it.  Who knows he may not even remember saying it?  When he goes on these rants, he often says the most ridiculous things that make NO SENSE whatsoever.  I think he does it  to push my buttons.  Afterwards, he will say something even more ludicrous like, "You can't believe everything that I say Mom.  Sometimes I say things I don't mean."  YA ThINK? 

I could go on all day with the lunacy that is my life.  Chances are, if you're an Aspergers parent, you already know what I'm talking about.