About a week ago...Blue made a very good argument for why he needs a new Ipod. He sent his dad the following e-mail:
We are all busy cleaning up, and getting things together for dad's birthday celebration. The plan is, we are going to order food in, have my older son and his girlfriend come by, have cake, and dad will open presents, etc. A little family birthday party.
I am attempting to make a cake. The mixer is going on and off. Dishes are rattling. Water is running. The dog is barking. I understand his frustration but, we only have so long before dad will be home. It's not as if he has never seen this movie before. Or as if he will never see it again. It's a DVD. He watches movies over and over until he has memorized the entire dialog along with all of the voices.
NO ONE LISTENS!
I quickly call dear friends of Blues and ask them can he come over there so that hubby and I can at least have a dinner out together. There is no way I can leave the two boys here together. Luckily, they are gracious enough to come and pick him up. What a blessing. I think I will send them flowers for saving the day.
Hubby and I end up having a lovely cocktail infused dinner together, drowning our sorrows and planning our next escape. We really need a vacation together from this chaos.
Afterward, we go back to pick up Blue. We finally get back home...it's late. Everything has cooled down between the boys right? Wrong! Before I can even make it up the stairs they are right back at it. Red is on the phone talking loudly. Blue marches straight to his room to tell him to be quiet and hang up the phone. Yelling back and forth ensues. Both boys are banished to their rooms.
So much for total peace for Dad's birthday.
We never even made it to cake.
Hey dad,
I knew you didn’t have your phone so I sent this.I need a new iPod really bad, because my iPod is acting up badly. I restored it a week ago and today it said, “iTunes cannot read the content on this iPod, you need to restore it!” Really? I’ve restored many times and I get this! My iPod is outdated. I need the 4th Generation iPod Touch with the latest software! I also need more memory. The next up memory storage is 32GB, there’s no 16GB, just 8GB. I need more memory. So the iPod I wanted to get is the iPod touch 32GB 4th Gen. It cost $299 plus a 10% discount for my old iPod. Please think about it because I am really frustrated with my iPod, it’s very old. If you could, reply to me on the airplane or call when you get to your car. If not, then can we talk about it when you get home? Thank you.Sincerely, (first and last name)
Primary and Secondary e-mail addresses for response.
We were both quite impressed with his research and the formality of the e-mail. I thought, he is ready for the business world already! The e-mail along with the fact that he has a straight A average for the entire school year, was enough for me to convince dad to go ahead and get the IPod. There is also the condition that Blue will pay $100 of the ONLY $299.00.
Dad buys it for him and gives him. When he hands it over, he adds one more condition:
"My Birthday is on Wednesday. I want total peace in my house for my birthday. That's all I want." Ha! Be careful what you ask for!
"My Birthday is on Wednesday. I want total peace in my house for my birthday. That's all I want." Ha! Be careful what you ask for!
Wednesday morning arrives and Dad goes off to work. The day is incredibly hectic with comings and goings, camps, appointments, shopping for the birthday presents, etc. I drive around the world and back. In fact, the day is so busy, that Blue accidentally skipped taking his a.m. meds before he left for camp. When Blue and I arrive home after all of our running around, we find Red on the couch watching a movie loudly.
"Let the wild rumpus start!" ~Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are
In the midst of preparations, Red -the boy who always comes in the room when anyone is watching t.v., starts talking, asking questions and telling you how stupid the show is that you're watching, starts yelling at all of us, "BE Quiet! I can't here!"
I am attempting to make a cake. The mixer is going on and off. Dishes are rattling. Water is running. The dog is barking. I understand his frustration but, we only have so long before dad will be home. It's not as if he has never seen this movie before. Or as if he will never see it again. It's a DVD. He watches movies over and over until he has memorized the entire dialog along with all of the voices.
Blue ~the Controller and Rule Police, starts yelling at his brother to turn the movie down. Ridiculous, sibling fighting and subsequent meltdown for Blue ensues. It quickly turns into total chaos. As suggested by his therapist, I ask Blue repeatedly to remove himself from the situation. (She also suggested that if he can't or won't remove himself, that we leave or at least disengage). Nothing I can say or do is helpful when he is in this state.
"Go upstairs to my room or your room.. Put on your Ipod. Watch something else on t.v. Turn on your computer. Lock the door. Go outside. Go for a walk ...just remove yourself," I suggest as a way to solve the problem.
"Go upstairs to my room or your room.. Put on your Ipod. Watch something else on t.v. Turn on your computer. Lock the door. Go outside. Go for a walk ...just remove yourself," I suggest as a way to solve the problem.
I ask Red, "Please disengage from your brother. Stop responding to him, Stop talking to him. You're only making matters worse."
NO ONE LISTENS!
I pour the mixed cake batter into the pan in-between feuds. Before I put it in the oven, I ask myself, "Did you put any butter in that batter?" Something tells me I did not. I take the batter back out of the pan, put it back in the mixing bowl, add butter, remix, clean the pan, re-oil and flour, poor the batter back into the pan and bake. I do remember, Thank God, to set the freakin' timer.
Hubby calls in the middle of Chaos Control. I tell him, "Please don't come home now. I don't want you to have to deal with this on your birthday. I don't even know if what we have planned is going to work at all. I don't see things getting any better ...any time soon." I suggest that he go over to my son's apartment until I can figure out a new game plan.
I quickly call dear friends of Blues and ask them can he come over there so that hubby and I can at least have a dinner out together. There is no way I can leave the two boys here together. Luckily, they are gracious enough to come and pick him up. What a blessing. I think I will send them flowers for saving the day.
Hubby and I end up having a lovely cocktail infused dinner together, drowning our sorrows and planning our next escape. We really need a vacation together from this chaos.
Afterward, we go back to pick up Blue. We finally get back home...it's late. Everything has cooled down between the boys right? Wrong! Before I can even make it up the stairs they are right back at it. Red is on the phone talking loudly. Blue marches straight to his room to tell him to be quiet and hang up the phone. Yelling back and forth ensues. Both boys are banished to their rooms.
So much for total peace for Dad's birthday.
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Caramel Cake our Birthday Tradition |
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago