Monday, May 14, 2012

Aspergery Mother's Day

This was the best Mother's Day ever in our house...and that is not to say that it was perfect, but it was really good.  

I am awakened at say 8 a.m. with loud banging on the door.  It's Red of course. 
"Can I come in?"
"No...we are sleeping." 
He keeps fiddling with the door, finally retreating a few moments later to go down to eat his breakfast.  He's up early because he is going to church and his Pastor will pick him up at 9. 
Half-hour later he's back.  
"I just want to come in and say good-morning." 
So much for sleeping in.
More than wanting to say good morning to me, he wants to come in and play with/annoy the dog.  
He does actually wish me a Happy Mother's Day without prompting, and gives me a hug.  
He made a video for me that he wants me to watch right away. 
You see last year on Mothers Day he was supposed to make this video, but he decided he was just too tired.  In fact, he also decided that his handwriting was so bad, he couldn't even sign my card.  
So this was a huge step in the right direction.  Here's the video:

I must admit this made me smile from ear to ear.  

I have to also acknowledge my husband who really stepped up this year.  He doesn't cook, but he brought breakfast and dinner in.  He bought beautiful cards and flowers for both me and my mother.  He cleaned the kitchen (extremely rare) and did everything he could to keep the boys out of my hair for the day.  Of course, that was the greatest gift! 

Another awesome gift (that I believe was definitely God at work) --Red gave me the gift of leaving the house for most of the day! (I know that sounds bad huh?)  He went to church and then his Pastor dropped him off at his friends house where he spent most of the day.  This allowed Blue to have peace and therefore give me peace, so that I could nap and lounge for most of the day.  Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! 

Oh...and the long lost son, Slim Shady showed up at the house, not 1 but 2 days in a row.  He actually hung out, ate dinner, watched a movie and the basketball game with his dad and his brothers.  He will be deployed soon to Afghanistan.  I appreciate that he is finally reaching out in his own way, trying to show that he does love his family. 

Blue did his best to hold it together for most of the day and for that I am grateful.  He opted out of doing homework together.  He knew that would probably push him over the edge.  Unfortunately, as soon as Red walked through the door, it wasn't long before the 2 of them were at each other's throats, which was the spark that lit the fuse and sent Blue over the edge and out of the house.  He walked over to our neighbor and friend's house where he cooled down.  

It really was the best Mother's Day I can remember in recent history.  Of course, there is always room for improvement.

While I was lounging in my room, browsing on my computer,  I received 2 comments from exasperated Aspergers moms from last year's Mother's Day post.  Here is one of them: 

"Another heartbreaking mothers day, I actually hate this day. On a whim I decided to look this up to see if it would help. I have talked to my daughter a ton of times today, not one happy mothers day, even when I reminded her, just her going on and on about some boy she is upset about...and by on and on, I mean on and on. This is an extension of a two hour conversation from last night. When I reminded her it was mothers day and she has not acknowledged it she said "I planned to later" When????? I know this sounds bad, but I feel I sacrifice so much for her, and this is the one day I was hoping for a little acknowledgment. HOw did I forget this is how most mothers days are. Now she is upset because how could i kick her when she is down....really????? Ok, another venting hope this helps me get thru the rest of the day."

To these 2 moms I say, there is always hope.  To all of you Aspergers Mom's who did not get the acknowledgement that you wanted, needed and deserved, please know that they do love you.  They show it the best way they can with what they are working with at the time.  Continue to let them know what you want and expect from them.  You may not get it right away, but you may be able to get it from them in the future.  Don't set your expectations too high.  It may not come packaged perfectly with the flowers and bow on top...but it is love none-the-less.  

I also want to acknowledge you here:

You are the best mom you can be
You are enough  
You are loved

"You are a cherished Blessing to the world and to me." -my friend, Elena de Beche