O.K. so the garden has been watered. Now what?
Vegas with hubby was a blast. We had this very same trip last year. He was there on business and flew me in for the weekend to enjoy a nice hotel at the company rate. Last year was Planet Hollywood. This year was a new hotel called The Cosmopolitan. The rooms are very swanky. Ours is a 1 bedroom suite with a view to die for. The hotel sits next door to the Bellagio and across the street from Paris. So we have the dancing water fountains and the Eiffel Tower as our view. To top it all off, there is a soaking tub built for two with the same view. Need I say more. I mean as far as I am concerned there is no need to leave the room other than to eat!
We take everything slow, nice dinners, a little dancing, a comedy show, a few slot machines. Slow walks, cocktail sipping and people watching. We laugh, we talk...long, slow, perpetual in depth conversations. We talk about changes that we need to make in our lifestyle in order to maintain our connection. How we can't allow our circumstances and our children to completely take over our lives. We vow to spend one on one time together, at least 2 to 3 times per week. We have to take time for one another, put down the laptop, stop working so much, and make time for us as a couple. Otherwise, we become roommates who are co-exhisting for the purposes of raising these high-maintenance children.
I am look forward to returning home, liking and loving each other again, spending time together, working on the same team, being a united front, instead of having our own resentments and battles in the background. Being a couple, not just parents.
We leave Las Vegas, united, connected, resolved to make our marriage a priority. I'm feeling like I got to spend time with my boyfriend again. It is absolutely, awesome.
Cut to the following day, we return home...I am sick. My head is full of congestion. I have shortness of breath, chills, sore throat, coughing, watery eyes, the whole nine-yards. I need rest. The kids are on Spring Break and want to be entertained, driven here there and everywhere. They want company over at the house. Work for hubby has piled up from being at the conference the week before so he is working like crazy. Basically, the reality of life slaps us in the face...big time.
We make it through the week on a wing and a prayer. On the weekend, hubby is working on upgrading and fixing the boys computers. He takes them out for some guy time, which I appreciate. They even meet our eldest son, Slim Shady, and all have dinner together at Red's favorite restaurant. Afterward they all go to the electronics store where Red ends up having a meltdown and then brings it home with him. Thanks Dad for all you've done for me...I hope you didn't think I would actually show you any appreciation.
We have not had more than a few minutes time together since we've been home. I think maybe we watched a little t.v. together one night. That's it! So much for the vows, the resolve, the promises to make changes. I pray that we will get back to that, now that I am well, and the kids are back to school from Spring Break.
The good news is...we have been more loving, kind, and patient with one another and with the kids since we've been home. We have been working on the same team. And at least we know, that 18 years later, we've still got it. That we are indeed two people who love and respect one another. We do still enjoy each others company. Minus the stress of raising special needs children, he is still the wonderful man that I married. And he still has a pretty hot girlfriend! Ha ha!
I already miss my boyfriend and the feeling of freedom we had in Las Vegas. What happened in Vegas didn't stay there. We brought the love back home.
Vegas with hubby was a blast. We had this very same trip last year. He was there on business and flew me in for the weekend to enjoy a nice hotel at the company rate. Last year was Planet Hollywood. This year was a new hotel called The Cosmopolitan. The rooms are very swanky. Ours is a 1 bedroom suite with a view to die for. The hotel sits next door to the Bellagio and across the street from Paris. So we have the dancing water fountains and the Eiffel Tower as our view. To top it all off, there is a soaking tub built for two with the same view. Need I say more. I mean as far as I am concerned there is no need to leave the room other than to eat!
We take everything slow, nice dinners, a little dancing, a comedy show, a few slot machines. Slow walks, cocktail sipping and people watching. We laugh, we talk...long, slow, perpetual in depth conversations. We talk about changes that we need to make in our lifestyle in order to maintain our connection. How we can't allow our circumstances and our children to completely take over our lives. We vow to spend one on one time together, at least 2 to 3 times per week. We have to take time for one another, put down the laptop, stop working so much, and make time for us as a couple. Otherwise, we become roommates who are co-exhisting for the purposes of raising these high-maintenance children.
I am look forward to returning home, liking and loving each other again, spending time together, working on the same team, being a united front, instead of having our own resentments and battles in the background. Being a couple, not just parents.
We leave Las Vegas, united, connected, resolved to make our marriage a priority. I'm feeling like I got to spend time with my boyfriend again. It is absolutely, awesome.
Cut to the following day, we return home...I am sick. My head is full of congestion. I have shortness of breath, chills, sore throat, coughing, watery eyes, the whole nine-yards. I need rest. The kids are on Spring Break and want to be entertained, driven here there and everywhere. They want company over at the house. Work for hubby has piled up from being at the conference the week before so he is working like crazy. Basically, the reality of life slaps us in the face...big time.
We make it through the week on a wing and a prayer. On the weekend, hubby is working on upgrading and fixing the boys computers. He takes them out for some guy time, which I appreciate. They even meet our eldest son, Slim Shady, and all have dinner together at Red's favorite restaurant. Afterward they all go to the electronics store where Red ends up having a meltdown and then brings it home with him. Thanks Dad for all you've done for me...I hope you didn't think I would actually show you any appreciation.
We have not had more than a few minutes time together since we've been home. I think maybe we watched a little t.v. together one night. That's it! So much for the vows, the resolve, the promises to make changes. I pray that we will get back to that, now that I am well, and the kids are back to school from Spring Break.
The good news is...we have been more loving, kind, and patient with one another and with the kids since we've been home. We have been working on the same team. And at least we know, that 18 years later, we've still got it. That we are indeed two people who love and respect one another. We do still enjoy each others company. Minus the stress of raising special needs children, he is still the wonderful man that I married. And he still has a pretty hot girlfriend! Ha ha!
I already miss my boyfriend and the feeling of freedom we had in Las Vegas. What happened in Vegas didn't stay there. We brought the love back home.
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago