I have been rather preoccupied with the child who has always commanded a great deal of attention lately. That doesn't mean that behind the scene...I haven't also been dealing with my "Easy" child's issues.
After school one day, the phone rings. It's Blue on the caller I.D.
"Mom! Whatever you do...DO NOT PICK UP PHONE IF THE SCHOOL CALLS!" He is crying and very upset. "They are just going to lie to you!"
I try to get out of him what is going on, but when he's this upset, there is no getting through to the actual facts of the matter. There is just pure emotion, vivid anger and exaggeration. His anger appears to be directed at his Special Ed tracking teacher. "She's MEAN! And she's always getting in my business! I don't need her help!" Of course he needs her help. He would not survive without it.
Shortly after we hang up the phone, Mrs. E. calls. Apparently, we are still having adventures with the Shoe-Licker. I have written about this before HERE and Part 2 HERE. The two of them have supposedly been separated in the classrooms. However, in the hallways apparently, they find their way towards each other. This time the Shoe-Licker apparently pushed Blue and slammed his locker shut. Subsequently, Blue sees him after-school and runs towards him...probably ready to knock the crap out of him, when his teacher screams to stop him. She quickly redirects him to get straight into the car with my carpool partner...saving him from getting himself into real trouble.
When he gets home, he barrels out of the car running towards me...crying frantically. He is angry.. yelling. He is actually cursing! Yes...this is my so-called 'easy' child. He has been pushed to the edge. Mostly he is afraid and angry because he fears that HE has done something wrong. He is 'Student Of the Week'. He is worried that has all somehow been ruined and of course it's all the Shoe-Lickers fault!
As the night goes on and he calms down...I start to get more accurate pieces of the puzzle --the story of what actually happened. Allegedly, the kid taunted and threatened Blue and he did not back down. He was threatening that he was going to shut Blue's locker. Blue got in his face, tapped him and told the kid to get away from him.
The shoe-licker says, "Tap me one more time and see what happens!"
Blue taps him one more time. After-all he TOLD him to do it.
The kid then shoves him down to the ground and slams Blue's locker shut.
So it turns out...Blue is very fearful about the part that he played in the matter. Of course, I have no problem with it. He didn't back down. The Vice-Principle may see things differently.
We have a meeting with the Vice Principle and the Special Ed. Teacher the following day. Blue tells the whole story, which of course is much easier to do when he's not in emotional havoc. There is an investigation. Blue is not in trouble. The boys apologize to one another. Finally...there is a schedule change. Blue is no longer in almost every class with this boy. I am hopeful that the adventures with the Shoe-Licker have come to an end.
The first day of his new schedule without the shoe-licker I ask, "So how do you like your new schedule?"
He says, "It's fine but...there's this kid who called my friend the R-word."
God help me. Now he has to be the R-word police. Let us pray.
After school one day, the phone rings. It's Blue on the caller I.D.
"Mom! Whatever you do...DO NOT PICK UP PHONE IF THE SCHOOL CALLS!" He is crying and very upset. "They are just going to lie to you!"
I try to get out of him what is going on, but when he's this upset, there is no getting through to the actual facts of the matter. There is just pure emotion, vivid anger and exaggeration. His anger appears to be directed at his Special Ed tracking teacher. "She's MEAN! And she's always getting in my business! I don't need her help!" Of course he needs her help. He would not survive without it.
Shortly after we hang up the phone, Mrs. E. calls. Apparently, we are still having adventures with the Shoe-Licker. I have written about this before HERE and Part 2 HERE. The two of them have supposedly been separated in the classrooms. However, in the hallways apparently, they find their way towards each other. This time the Shoe-Licker apparently pushed Blue and slammed his locker shut. Subsequently, Blue sees him after-school and runs towards him...probably ready to knock the crap out of him, when his teacher screams to stop him. She quickly redirects him to get straight into the car with my carpool partner...saving him from getting himself into real trouble.
When he gets home, he barrels out of the car running towards me...crying frantically. He is angry.. yelling. He is actually cursing! Yes...this is my so-called 'easy' child. He has been pushed to the edge. Mostly he is afraid and angry because he fears that HE has done something wrong. He is 'Student Of the Week'. He is worried that has all somehow been ruined and of course it's all the Shoe-Lickers fault!
As the night goes on and he calms down...I start to get more accurate pieces of the puzzle --the story of what actually happened. Allegedly, the kid taunted and threatened Blue and he did not back down. He was threatening that he was going to shut Blue's locker. Blue got in his face, tapped him and told the kid to get away from him.
The shoe-licker says, "Tap me one more time and see what happens!"
Blue taps him one more time. After-all he TOLD him to do it.
The kid then shoves him down to the ground and slams Blue's locker shut.
So it turns out...Blue is very fearful about the part that he played in the matter. Of course, I have no problem with it. He didn't back down. The Vice-Principle may see things differently.
We have a meeting with the Vice Principle and the Special Ed. Teacher the following day. Blue tells the whole story, which of course is much easier to do when he's not in emotional havoc. There is an investigation. Blue is not in trouble. The boys apologize to one another. Finally...there is a schedule change. Blue is no longer in almost every class with this boy. I am hopeful that the adventures with the Shoe-Licker have come to an end.
The first day of his new schedule without the shoe-licker I ask, "So how do you like your new schedule?"
He says, "It's fine but...there's this kid who called my friend the R-word."
God help me. Now he has to be the R-word police. Let us pray.
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago