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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Wait For Me!!!

It's hard to tell sometimes what is typical teenage behavior, what is depression, and what is Aspergers and anxiety.  The behaviors are lumped together within my 16 year-old son.  He is hormonal, he is a boy, he has autism, and depression, he is defiant, he is a teen.   And to put it mildly...he is a handful of mixed nuts! He's kind of like the trail mix my husband buys.  I'd like to pick out the M&M's, the sweet part, take a little of the peanuts, and raisins and throw out the rest of the crap! 

My husband is so excited about seeing his dad.  His dad drives all the way from Savannah, Georgia with his wife, to San Antonio, TX to spend the week in a time-share.  We live 90 minutes from San Antonio.  So the plan is to come down and spend a long weekend with them.  Of course, his dad would like to see his son AND his grandsons.  I mean he drove all this way...right?? 

Red is on the fence about going.  His social anxiety has been a little high lately.  He knows if he comes with us, he will have to be on his best behavior because quite frankly,"Big Grandad" doesn't take any crap.  Big Grandad stands at around 6 foot 3 or 4. (which is much taller than the other grandads in our family).   He is a lovely man...really.  He is funny, and sweet, but he is also no-nonsense.  His wife, is no shorty like me.  I'm sure she stands around 5'ft 10 or 11.  She also is no-nonsense.  

Not to mention, if he comes he will have to be around us 24/7.  He will be on our schedule....not his.  There will be no sitting in front of a computer, hiding out in his room for hours on end.  There will be restaurants, people, activities that may actually require getting of your butt!  Who needs all that right?  Also, you will have to refrain from constantly harassing your little brother because Granddad just might knock you in to next week.  (Grandpa will not actually do this...but Red thinks he might...which is a good thing.) 

Aspergers Dad says, "We are leaving at 11:30 a.m.  If you are going...be ready!  We are not waiting for you!"  He is very clear and repeats this several times...stressing how important this is to him.  Aspergers Dad is really anxious to see his father.  He is also very thankful that his dad drove all this way to see us.  He is not going to be late!

Red packs his clothes but then farts around, talking on the phone to a friend.  Then he crawls back in bed and says, "I'm tired. I'm not going."  

My mother is staying at home.  If he doesn't go...he'll be "stuck with Nana" (as he says within her earshot by the way).

I warn him several times, "If you change your mind at the last minute, we will not wait for you.  We are leaving on time." 

We are of course running a little behind.  It's 11:50 a.m.  I say to him, "O.K. you've obviously made your decision.  We will see you when we get back.  I suggest you call some of our friends so that you have something to do while we're gone." 

At 11:55 when we start loading up the car..."WAIT!!!  I want to come!"  Aspergers Dad completely ignores him and continues loading the car.  "Please!!! Don't leave me!!!" he screams, but he is making no motions towards actually getting ready.  He has not finished packing.  Has not brushed his teeth or washed his face. 

I say, "We'll give you 3 minutes."  
"How about 5?"
He still is not moving.  He's arguing. 
"Dad needs to be more patient!" (Just like the school bus driver.  The world needs to learn how to Wait for Me!) 

Five minutes pass, he is still arguing.  We get into the car.  He runs outside, "Wait!!!! You can't leave me.  This isn't fair!"

I am crushed on the inside.  Aspegers Dad doesn't care.  "He's 16 years old!  He needs to learn.  He'll be fine."

We drive away.  Blue and I are upset with dad, but I kind of see his point.  Of course, I am the old softy mom, which is why Red is so freakin' spoiled in the first place.

Red does not call us all day.  I'm expecting him to call and say, "Mom...why did you leave me?  Come back.  I really want to come." He doesn't. Which says to me, he really didn't want to come.  This was all just a bunch of drama.  Instead, according to my mom, he plopped his butt on the couch and played the Playstation for 3 hours. 

We are here in San Antonio.  I am surrounded by 3 generations of my husband's genes. Blue is enjoying his Granddad.  They both have a love of cars.  Blue enjoys showing off his knowledge.  Hubby is in heaven being with his dad.   

This morning I sleep in.  I get up and write...while the guys are upstairs in Grandad's suite.

So far...it's been a peaceful weekend.  

p.s. Big Grandad is coming up to our house next weekend...so he will have a chance to see Red and Slim before he heads back to Georgia.