I also note Red's Facebook status which reads something like this:
"I am so tired of seeing couples every where I look. I am so jealous. Because I have so many problems, I will probably never have a girlfriend or a wife. My life sucks!" This is a kinder, gentler version of what he said.
He is at home with my Mom in his room, obviously feeling a little lonely and bored. I've told him a million times before, when you put these heavy messages on Facebook, you are not showing yourself in positive light. If you want your friends to have "good thoughts" about you...you have to be more positive. I really think he believes this will make some girl feel sorry for him and go out with him because of being sympathetic. That's not going to happen.
I respond to his post, "Go to bed Red." That's all I can muster in my slightly inebriated state.
When we get back into town the next day, the funky state of mind is still in full effect. He is invited to a movie-birthday party that night. When it's time to go...he crawls into bed to hide.
"I'm not going."
"Why?" I ask
"I just don't want to go."
"You're really going to disappoint your friend, which is sad. You always complain that you don't have any friends, yet, you're risking hurting your friend's feelings. But hey...it's your life. I can't live it for you. You have to call him to let him know you're not coming."
"I'm not doing that. You call him."
"Nope. He's your friend."
"Besides...I don't know what movie they're going to watch. Everyone will probably ignore me." Aah...there we go. It's anxiety. I may not have control over the situation. That's why I don't want to go.
Luckily a few minutes later, said friend calls. They talk about the movie. They agree to watch Harry Potter. So off he goes. Yay! He reports having a great time...by the way.
Sunday the funky mood lingers. By Sunday night we are adamant, "I'm Not Going to school tomorrow. I hate school!"
Great here we go again. We went through this same time last year. Again he goes to post some negative diatribe on Facebook. I tell him to take it down. What does he do? He un-friends me. "I'm tired of you baby-sitting me on Facebook!" Not acceptable.
"Either un-block me or shut down the account," I say.
"Fine! I'll just delete it."
Monday evening I get text from my son's girlfriend. "I'm really concerned about Red's status on Facebook." Apparently...he's back online. Before I can go talk to him about it...his phone rings. It's Slim Shady (his older brother). He wants to know what the heck is going on and why Red is posting such things.
Here's where Agent 007 Aspergers Mom goes to work...
I go to his computer while he's on the phone. I log into his Facebook account...luckily he has his password set on "remember me". I add myself back as a friend. And I read the status which basically says, "I hate my life. No one cares about me. I should just commit suicide."
What the heck is going on? Why is he suddenly so animated and depressed? My older son makes him take the message down. Talks to him for a while. It's apparently about not having any friends...although he does, and especially about not having a girlfriend. Slim convinces him to shut the computer down and go to bed, which he was refusing to do for me.
I go back to my room and answer my "friend request" that I sent myself from his computer. I get straight to my detective work. Apparently, a young lady who he considers to be a good friend, posted on Saturday night that she is now "In A Relationship" along with a picture of her new guy.
Red's response on her post? "What the heck???!!! That's not fair! Who the heck is this guy???"
So here we go again. All of this is about a girl. He has no intention on harming himself. This is all about attention. What he doesn't realize is this is not the kind of attention that he wants. Your average typical teen, can't deal with all of these heavy feelings. The thing that's really scary, is that it seems we are right back to where we were last year when another female friend entered into a relationship. That did not end well. By the end of the school year, he was in the hospital. I don't want to go back there. I remind him of this fact. He doesn't want to go there either.
We have a long conversation before he goes to bed that night. I remind him of all the things that are good in his life and the things he has to look forward to including, a C-Squared club meeting the following day. C-Squared is a "No Place For Hate" anti-bulllying club at school. I encourage him to be positive so that he can attract the right girl at the right time. (I know...Good luck with that one. )
His Facebook status on Monday night reads, "Much better day today." And the girl...the one in relationship, "Liked" his status. Positive thinking works.
Agent 007 Aspergers Mom is on the case! Can you hear the music?
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago