I have missed you all over the past week or so. I am not the most organized person in the world. In fact...I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum. So I have been pretty darn busy preparing for the holidays.
This year I had the added pleasure of helping my mom shop and prepare for her trip to see my brother in California. That was an interesting experience. My mother worked in retail for like 25 years. Yet, suddenly she doesn't know how to shop for herself. Thank God...she'll be there running his life for 2 weeks, and not here chiming in on every meltdown in her attempt to "help," which usually only makes matters worse.
School has been out for a week now...anxiety has risen to an all-time high. So it's just been a barrel of fun around here. I am so busy attending to the details of Christmas all while trying to prevent World War 3 right here in my own home. It's been one meltdown after the next. Thankfully, or sadly (I'm not sure) they are taking turns with their breakdowns. It almost has a kind of musicality to it. First one, then the other, over things that in the scheme of life, are not really important. They want what they want, and they want it now. Of course to them, each issue is very serious.
The thing is...the meltdown isn't really about the thing they are yelling about. It's about the floating schedule, the unpredictability of each day, the change from the tight schedule of school to the loose schedule of vacation, the anxiety over all of the possibilities of Christmas and what they will be getting. And this year there are no trips scheduled. Trips, are usually an added source of stress. Who knew having no trips is ALSO an added source of stress. Talk about irony!
Red -the 16 year-old is consistently bored...though he's enjoying the benefit of our new television and Blue-Ray player. He doesn't reach out to any friends to get together, but he is bitching and moaning because he's bored. "Everyday is the same he says." Wait a minute...shouldn't that be a good thing?
"Are you in school?"
"No."
"Do you get to sleep in?"
"Yes."
"Do you get to relax and watch movies on our brand new television?"
"Yes."
"Have you gone out to eat a few times?"
"Yeah"
"Christmas is around the corner and you have gifts to look forward to right?"
"Yeah"
"Then it sounds to me that you have a few things to be grateful for. Now if you choose not to realize that. That's a choice."
Blue is on the edge because of the change in schedule, and the anxiety over his Christmas list, which he continues to revise every, single, day! He finds these inadvertent things that he needs me to help him with "RIGHT AWAY", when I'm on my way out the door to shop, or finally relaxing after a long day of his brother's meltdowns. Last night, he actually threatened to run-away. He says, "I'd rather be homeless than live with this unhappy family!" Such lovely words to hear from your child 2 days before Christmas. I went to bed feeling very sad and very exhausted.
I have decided to cancel Christmas for next year. At least...I am canceling the way we did it this year. There will be no freakin' surprises. They will name 3 gifts, within a budget. If 1 of your gifts is large, that takes up your entire budget. That's it! Jesus got 3 gifts. He didn't complain that they were too small, not the latest version or what everyone else has.
I would really like to replace Christmas with a vacation on the beach somewhere...just chillin. In truth, that would probably cause more meltdowns than it's worth.
On Twitter the autism community has been posting these comments with the hashtag #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf. One of my post was #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf...you're trying to figure out how NOT to have so much family togetherness for the holidays.
Well...Cheers to Christmas day my peeps! I hope that you and your family can enjoy the true reason for the season.
Let's hope it starts looking up from here. If not, I have plenty of wine, Baileys, and spiked Egg Nog.
After all, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!" As the song says.
Merry Christmas!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago