Today, Red has an appointment scheduled with his Psychiatrist, which is right on time. I decide to also sneak Blue in to see her as well. We're driving down there on this soupy, gray, foggy morning during rush hour traffic. Huh!
"Where are all of these people going?" asks Blue.
"To work," I reply.
"Well...why did you schedule an appointment at this time?" asks Red, as if the two of them actually have to navigate this traffic. As if, they are both in a hurry to get where? Back to school?? The place that they complain about 24/7?
"I scheduled the appointment at this time, because this is the time she had available. She's a busy woman."
Ups
Red is actually on a real high note. He's been smiling, being positive...showing affection and care for his brother's bad moods. It's been a little eerie...good...but still, eerie. It probably has something to do with the fact that a female friend gave him her number the other day. "I just want to be her friend. I'm going to take things slow," he says. I only pray that he is capable of doing that. History says otherwise. I hate to be negative...but I am not looking forward to going down this road.
So when we get to the doctors office...he presents as this happy-go-lucky kid that we don't recognize. He has completely forgotten about fighting with his father a week ago and yelling at us because we all, "make him so mad!" this past weekend. "Everything is going great!" he tells the doctor.
Downs
Blue is honest in telling her about his spontaneous combustion and frustrations with home and school i.e., his anxiety, inability to ask for and/or accept help from adults, his peers who seriously annoy him. She adds Intuniv, 1mg. to his repertoire (fingers crossed along with eyes and toes). Not to mention..cha ching! goes the wallet!
Later, Red comes home from school with face hanging down. He had a relatively good day I am told by the school Psychologist. However, at the end of the day, he somehow started to get overwhelmed with emotion and actually got teary when talking with one of his teachers. His mind is over-processing this new adventure into making friends with girls. Then a friend of his told him that he was thinking of "hurting himself" because a girl is being mean to him. All of this was just too much for Red to process.
Turn-Arounds
I put on a funny t.v. show and leave him sitting in front of it, while I run out to take Blue to Art Lessons. By the time I get back home, Red is laughing at the t.v. and chatting on Facebook.
Blue comes home in a relatively good mood, but then it goes downhill when he asks me to read his memoir and I make the mistake of giving him a few grammatical corrections. "I didn't ask you to correct it! I asked you to read it! You're too picky!"
Well...exCUUSE ME!! I walk away without another word.
He ends up apologizing before bed.
"I'm sorry that we just can't get along mom. I really don't want to argue with you. It's like...I just can't help it."
Ugh! Blow to the gut! Painfully sad, yet touching me deeply.
I remember working for a mental health agency in my 20's. This time of year was always tough. The clients would all be falling apart. I thought it was because of baggage from their past, or something they felt was missing in their lives during the holidays. Who knew someday...this would be my reality? And there is really no rhyme or reason to it all. I am praying that next two weeks will get better. That they will relax and enjoy our downtime. Yet, I am cautiously afraid that they won't.
My personal Facebook Status yesterday was this:
"I can't believe this is my life." I'm not saying it's bad. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just sayin...
Despite it all...I try to keep my sense of humor. Actually, if I didn't...I'd be in the nuthouse for sure! So I will end this post on a funny note:
The other day, Red decides to look for something at the last minute, making himself miss the bus and making everyone late that day. He shuts down...lays on the couch and refuses to move.
"I'm not going to school today! I'm just too tired!"
Now recently he was baptized and told us that he is going to be trying his best to follow the example of Christ. So I pull this question on him, "Do you think Jesus Christ would be laying on the couch, yelling at his parents, refusing to go to school?"
He replies swiftly in his matter-of-fact, flat, monotone voice, "Jesus didn't have to go to school. He already knew everything."
HA! "And how do you know that?" I ask.
"Because he's God's son. He knew everything when God sent him down here."
"Well...you don't know everything so you better get your but up and get ready to go to school!"
Life is just a bed of Roses...without the thorns removed.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago