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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Bullying the Supercop -Part Deaux

If you read yesterday's post , you know that Blue made a formal complaint about the Shoe Licker yelling out his ID number to the whole class.  Yes, it was a major scandal...Identity Theft, middle school style.  I was told that the child was given some "heavy consequences"(whatever that means).  Blue was not happy with the results of his meeting with the Vice Principal.  When he comes home from school, a meltdown ensues as he is telling me about the meeting.  Apparently, it was pointed out to him, the roll that he is playing in the situation.  He doesn't believe that he has a role.  

It has been stated by a teacher that Blue actually will cross the room to go and engage with the students that he complains about.  He says, "I don't know what they're talking about!  I don't do that!  They come up to me."  Perhaps he didn't cross the room in this last case, maybe he hasn't done it lately.  If he has, he doesn't remember.  He feels like he is being called a liar.  I can not say for sure what is happening.  I can say that I have seen this kind of behavior here at home.  He treats his older brother like his child.  He must chime in on all house rule infractions.  He just can't seem to control this compulsion.  

Luckily, he was invited out for dinner with a friend to celebrate his friend's birthday last night.  He had to pull it all together to go.  That boy doesn't like to miss a meal!  After he returned and did a little homework, he was in a better mood for listening.  We talked about the only person whose behavior he can control is his.  He can not let himself be defined by these annoying people and THEIR behavior choices...advice that I received from my friend InnerAspie.  There is a fine line between annoying behaviors and bullying behaviors.  They are not trying to threaten or intimidate him.  They are trying to be amused by his over-reaction.  He gives them a huge pay off for their troubles. 

I also gave him the example of this bitch who stole my parking spot the other day at the mall.  (No I didn't use the word bitch to him...sure wanted to.)  I wanted to ram her car with mine, like in "Madea Goes to Jail."  But then perhaps...I would have gone to jail.  I could have scratched her car with my keys.  Sure thought about it.  I could have cursed her out, like I wanted to.  Instead, I let her know that what she did was rude and that she was wrong!  I saw red, my mind was temporarily clouded with anger.  I almost went to that real, ugly place.  I chose not to let her behavior put me in the extremely negative place that I could have easily jumped into.  

Blue has a lot to learn and a lot of work to do in learning how to control his reactions.  He is in this really intense anxiety phase right now where he is ready to go ballistic at the least infraction.  This doesn't help matters.  He is so tense right now, it's palpable. 

We will continue to work on this issue.  In the meantime, I have asked the school to give him more inclusion support in this particular class.  Someone who knows him well, needs to be in there to  support  him through this rough patch...to create a safer, more sane environment for him and the other children involved.  Did  I mention they have a permanent sub in this class while the teacher is out on Maternity leave?  Oh yeah...fun times!