We're driving past the local community college campus when Red asks, "Is that the college I'll be going to?"
"I guess so...unless you live down in Austin and go to a campus near where you live?"
"What do you mean? I'm going to live with you...right?"
"Maybe...maybe not." If you can't be respectful of our home and our rules...you're out on your keester buddy!
Of course, I'm not going to just kick him to the curb...but I want him to think that it's a possibility.
He is stunned...stumped...confused to say the least. I am actually trying to shock him a little bit into reality. I go on to explain that he could have his own apartment with a roommate. He can't even imagine that. He wants the best of everything...all of the comforts that will come along with living with us, instead of having to work hard to take care of himself. He must have a big screen t.v. and a really nice computer. He may not be able to afford all of that on his own.
"Community College only takes 2 years Mom. I may not be ready to move by then."
"It could take 2 years if you are carrying a full load, but since they don't make accommodations like you're getting now...it will probably take you longer because you will have to take less classes."
"What do you mean they don't make accommodations!?" he asks incredulously.
"Going to college is a privilege not a right. You have to study for test. You have to do the assignments as given. You will have to do homework and you will have to take some classes that you may not like if you want a Bachelor's degree. They may assist you with some things, but there will be no modified curriculum and shortened assignments."
He looks at me like I'm from another planet. He can't believe the audacity of these schools...making people do all of this work! Why should you have to take classes that you're not interested in? Why should he have to do all of that reading and work on his own time...at home. That's ridiculous! You see Red really only wants to do what HE wants to do. Anything that he doesn't really want to do seems overwhelming. I really think that if he could just sit back and take handouts from us for the rest of his life...he would. However, that offer is not on the table. He is smart. He is talented and he will have to use those talents and put them to work to pay for this grandiose life that he wants.
"You can do anything you want to do." I tell him. "If you don't want to go to college and take classes you don't like...that's fine. You can into a technical program where you learn more about graphics and film editing. You can still have a good life if you take your skills and make them better and be willing to work hard. Laziness is not a part of your disability. That is a choice you can make, but be prepared for a meager life."
Later when we get home...the conversation continues.
"So If I don't go to college and get a Bachelor's degree, can I still be rich?" Rich??? This kid wants to be rich without the work that's involved. Now THAT's rich!
"I don't know if you'll be rich. But if you work hard and focus on your talents...you will be able to take care of yourself and hopefully some day, be able to take care of your family. Many people with Aspergers have good jobs. It is not a sentence to a meager life. It's all about choices. And I can't make the choices for you. You have to make them yourself."
This boy really scares me!
"I guess so...unless you live down in Austin and go to a campus near where you live?"
"What do you mean? I'm going to live with you...right?"
"Maybe...maybe not." If you can't be respectful of our home and our rules...you're out on your keester buddy!
Of course, I'm not going to just kick him to the curb...but I want him to think that it's a possibility.
He is stunned...stumped...confused to say the least. I am actually trying to shock him a little bit into reality. I go on to explain that he could have his own apartment with a roommate. He can't even imagine that. He wants the best of everything...all of the comforts that will come along with living with us, instead of having to work hard to take care of himself. He must have a big screen t.v. and a really nice computer. He may not be able to afford all of that on his own.
"Community College only takes 2 years Mom. I may not be ready to move by then."
"It could take 2 years if you are carrying a full load, but since they don't make accommodations like you're getting now...it will probably take you longer because you will have to take less classes."
"What do you mean they don't make accommodations!?" he asks incredulously.
"Going to college is a privilege not a right. You have to study for test. You have to do the assignments as given. You will have to do homework and you will have to take some classes that you may not like if you want a Bachelor's degree. They may assist you with some things, but there will be no modified curriculum and shortened assignments."
He looks at me like I'm from another planet. He can't believe the audacity of these schools...making people do all of this work! Why should you have to take classes that you're not interested in? Why should he have to do all of that reading and work on his own time...at home. That's ridiculous! You see Red really only wants to do what HE wants to do. Anything that he doesn't really want to do seems overwhelming. I really think that if he could just sit back and take handouts from us for the rest of his life...he would. However, that offer is not on the table. He is smart. He is talented and he will have to use those talents and put them to work to pay for this grandiose life that he wants.
"You can do anything you want to do." I tell him. "If you don't want to go to college and take classes you don't like...that's fine. You can into a technical program where you learn more about graphics and film editing. You can still have a good life if you take your skills and make them better and be willing to work hard. Laziness is not a part of your disability. That is a choice you can make, but be prepared for a meager life."
Later when we get home...the conversation continues.
"So If I don't go to college and get a Bachelor's degree, can I still be rich?" Rich??? This kid wants to be rich without the work that's involved. Now THAT's rich!
"I don't know if you'll be rich. But if you work hard and focus on your talents...you will be able to take care of yourself and hopefully some day, be able to take care of your family. Many people with Aspergers have good jobs. It is not a sentence to a meager life. It's all about choices. And I can't make the choices for you. You have to make them yourself."
This boy really scares me!
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago