As I lay in bed this morning...as I do every week day morning, I absolutely dread having to get up and awaken the boys. Red sets his own alarm and if he is so moved...he may actually get up and get dressed. But most days, he walks across the room, shuts off the alarm and then gets back in the bed...under the covers. I think Blue has given up on the alarm setting. If I had to bet, I would say that the meds he is taking make him sleep like a log. I try to wake them both as gently as I can. I give them extra time to lay around for a few extra minutes. Heaven forbid I rush them! I still dread the process!
This morning, I think to myself...when I had these children, I never thought about having to wake them up for school as teenagers. I don't think my mother ever had to wake me up as a teenager. I set my own alarm, got up, got ready and rode the city bus across town to get to school. If I didn't make it on time...that was on me.
There are a million things you never think about when you have a baby. As much as I love my godchildren...when my BFF recently got pregnant (this is child #4) all I could think was, "Have you thought about when these children become teenagers?!" Of course, her 10 and 12 year-old girls are much better behaved than my boys. I pray for her sake that these last 2 children will be the same. She is an awesome, loving, but hardcore mom. She doesn't take any crap!
Anyhoo...here is my Top Ten List of things I Never Thought About before I had my babies:
1) Never...ever did I think I would have a child with special needs...much less, have 2. Since having special needs wasn't a blip on the radar...what it would be like to parent a teen with special needs.
2) I never thought about what it would be like to raise teenage boys. Silly me...I just assumed I would have a perfect set -a typical boy and a girl. Never thought about what it would be like to be completely responsible for guiding to young men towards independence and adulthood.
3) Never thought about all of the nights of sleep I would loose, all of the tears I would shed...that I would feel every single feeling that they feel.
4) Never thought I would wait almost 4 years to hear the word, "Mama." Now that they are teens with Aspergers...I wish I could change my name and not tell them the new one.
5) Never thought about all of the jobs that are hidden behind the tittle -Mom i.e., Nurse, Therapist, Pharmacist, Life Coach, Advocate, driver, referee, cheerleader. I guess I knew I would have to feed them...which would mean I would also be a cook. I just never knew I would come to hate it so much.
6)Who would have thought I would ever hear the words, "I wish I could kill myself," while my child is crying uncontrollably.
7) Having to decide weather or not to give my kids psychotropic medications and all the nightmares that come along with that ...no one warned me this would be a possibility.
8) Sitting in a Pediatric, Psychiatric ward with my child...who me? No freakin' way!
9) Having to talk to ...much less actually, call a police officer or mental health officer because my child's behavior has become violently out of control. Who does that? Apparently me.
10) Most of all I could never have imagined this immeasurable, unconditional love that I have for them. I could never have conceived the magnitude of our connection.
This life with my children is simply unimaginable...
What's on your list?