Homework is no longer a test of what the child is learning in class...it is a test of a parent's patience. It is an exercise in torture for a child who works so hard at school just to hold it together and make it through all of the social landmines and expectations. When he comes home...what he really needs to is to just chill.
However...Blue is continually thinking about the future, about college and what it takes to get there. This is a good thing...a wonderful thing, within itself. The result however, is that he puts so much pressure on himself, that he can become overwhelmed and end up completely shutting or melting down.
The teachers seldom if ever, see this side of him. They see a mostly calm, together, mature, extremely bright boy. They have no idea how tightly wound he is. Sometimes, when he gets home he unravels. What may be a very simple thing for him to do during the day, becomes a cause for explosion here at home.
"I can't do this! This is ridiculous! I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing!"
He comes in Monday evening with a very upbeat attitude...that is until it gets down to homework time.
"This is just too much! I don't get it! This is too much pressure! Mrs. So and So is mean!"
I finally shut him down when we get close to bedtime. Suddenly, he remembers that he was supposed to read for 75 minutes over the course of the week. This is the last night.
"Help me mom! How am I supposed to do this?" By this time we are slamming things, kicking furniture and yelling in frustration. Nothing I say means anything.
I suggest doing a book on tape...or text to speech reading so that he can sit back and relax instead of being so worked up. I leave the room and refuse to come back and be yelled at anymore. He calls me when the book is finished. I send in Dad instead. I can not trust that I won't loose it if he yells at me again.
After talking with Blue, Hubby comes downstairs to tell me it's safe. Blue has calmed down and really wants to see me.
When I enter his room, he reaches his arms out to me and says, "I'm sorry mom." He allows me to kiss him goodnight and tell him that I love him.
I call this morning to talk to the school Psychologist so that she can work with him today on settling these homework issues. She has a good conversation with him and the teacher. Hopefully, he feels better about it.
Today, it's raining along with the rain came a little friend called THUNDER. I'm sure that he is just a bundle of nerves and anxiety. Tonight should be a bundle of fun!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago