I wasn't there...and I'm sure that Red can not give me an accurate instant replay, but basically he snapped. The Aid asked him to step outside where Red proceeded to tell him that he is, "Always starting shit!" among other choice words I'm sure. He says the only word he knows he didn't use for sure is the F-word. Isn't that lovely? He so reserved!
The funny thing is...or maybe it's not so funny. He came straight home and told me, "I cursed Mr. A. out today." Very matter-of-fact...not sounding upset or ashamed in anyway. Back in the day, my parents would have had to find that one out on their own! (Not that I would EVER curse a teacher out...but if I did anything close to that, they would have to get a phone call from the school before they would here about it from me!)
I can only imagine that the guy is trying to keep him on task, just like I do in the mornings when he's spacing...time is elapsing and he doesn't realize it. When I ever-so-gently remind him... he snaps! "WHAT! I'm coming mom! You don't have to keep reminding me! I'm not going to be late!" Should I give him credit for not cursing at me? .... Nah!
Unfortunately, he has a history with this Aid. Back in 8th grade, he worked with him and found himself in a situation where he was physically restrained. Again...I wasn't there, and can not say for sure exactly what happened. But it was a traumatic event for Red. In his mind...it was completely uncalled for. The story I got was that he was trying to leave the room in an attempt to confront another student. Red does not remember it that way. It's difficult to say what the truth is. The school could be covering their asses with their version of events. Whatever the case may be, Red has never been violent and did not feel the restraint was called for. Residual anger still lingers deep within him towards this Aid.
The two of them take their argument down to Red's tracking teacher, lets call him Mr. C., a very calm soft-spoken, older gentleman. He has years of experience working with kids like Red in different settings. They talk it out and come to a resolution, which Red seems pleased with by the time he gets home in the afternoon. Later in the evening...he goes back to being angry again. He really does not want to have to work with this man..at all!
I can't always fix things for him. There are going to be authority figures in his life that he does not like. There are going to be bosses and other employees who will be complete assholes or rub him the wrong way. "That doesn't mean you can blow up and curse them out. "You will be F-I-R-E-D!" I tell him. You have to think about the long term goal. In school, it is..."I need to get my education and this guy is helping me, even though I don't like him." At work it will be, "I need my paycheck even though my boss is an ass." You can't just bail or explode.
"How am I supposed to remember that?" he asks me. I wish I had an answer. I know this is so much easier said than done. I have remember that a lot of these common sense theories are completely foreign to him.
Of course, I worry that he will never get this. I worry that he will never get beyond the anger and explosiveness. Will it get better with time and maturity? Whenever things get difficult...will he resort back to it? How will he ever survive in this world that does not cater, crack and make exceptions for his disability. There are no loving mother's arms to fall into...to come in and advocate for you out there in the cold, hard world that he will be entering into sometime in the not-so-distant-future.
How is he going to make it?