I wasn't there...and I'm sure that Red can not give me an accurate instant replay, but basically he snapped. The Aid asked him to step outside where Red proceeded to tell him that he is, "Always starting shit!" among other choice words I'm sure. He says the only word he knows he didn't use for sure is the F-word. Isn't that lovely? He so reserved!
The funny thing is...or maybe it's not so funny. He came straight home and told me, "I cursed Mr. A. out today." Very matter-of-fact...not sounding upset or ashamed in anyway. Back in the day, my parents would have had to find that one out on their own! (Not that I would EVER curse a teacher out...but if I did anything close to that, they would have to get a phone call from the school before they would here about it from me!)
I can only imagine that the guy is trying to keep him on task, just like I do in the mornings when he's spacing...time is elapsing and he doesn't realize it. When I ever-so-gently remind him... he snaps! "WHAT! I'm coming mom! You don't have to keep reminding me! I'm not going to be late!" Should I give him credit for not cursing at me? .... Nah!
Unfortunately, he has a history with this Aid. Back in 8th grade, he worked with him and found himself in a situation where he was physically restrained. Again...I wasn't there, and can not say for sure exactly what happened. But it was a traumatic event for Red. In his mind...it was completely uncalled for. The story I got was that he was trying to leave the room in an attempt to confront another student. Red does not remember it that way. It's difficult to say what the truth is. The school could be covering their asses with their version of events. Whatever the case may be, Red has never been violent and did not feel the restraint was called for. Residual anger still lingers deep within him towards this Aid.
The two of them take their argument down to Red's tracking teacher, lets call him Mr. C., a very calm soft-spoken, older gentleman. He has years of experience working with kids like Red in different settings. They talk it out and come to a resolution, which Red seems pleased with by the time he gets home in the afternoon. Later in the evening...he goes back to being angry again. He really does not want to have to work with this man..at all!
I can't always fix things for him. There are going to be authority figures in his life that he does not like. There are going to be bosses and other employees who will be complete assholes or rub him the wrong way. "That doesn't mean you can blow up and curse them out. "You will be F-I-R-E-D!" I tell him. You have to think about the long term goal. In school, it is..."I need to get my education and this guy is helping me, even though I don't like him." At work it will be, "I need my paycheck even though my boss is an ass." You can't just bail or explode.
"How am I supposed to remember that?" he asks me. I wish I had an answer. I know this is so much easier said than done. I have remember that a lot of these common sense theories are completely foreign to him.
Of course, I worry that he will never get this. I worry that he will never get beyond the anger and explosiveness. Will it get better with time and maturity? Whenever things get difficult...will he resort back to it? How will he ever survive in this world that does not cater, crack and make exceptions for his disability. There are no loving mother's arms to fall into...to come in and advocate for you out there in the cold, hard world that he will be entering into sometime in the not-so-distant-future.
How is he going to make it?
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago