This is a rant that I wrote while under the influence of a virus which, made me extremely tired and not exactly coherent. It may not make any sense...you have been warned.
It started last night after I ate the most delicious salad that my mom made for me...this queasy feeling in my tummy. I knew something was really wrong when I couldn't finish my glass of wine. Pouring wine down the drain is a sin in my house. I had to kick Red out of my room (he was on a talking rant)...I wasn't in the mood. I tell him I'm tired...I want to go to bed. I can not finish playing words with friends...I am too overcome by sleepiness. Lights out...
I wake up kind of disoriented and more achy than usual. It dawns on me...I have a meeting this morning at 8:30. Crap! Well, actually it's kind of good that I don't have to rush Red out the door for the bitchy bus driver he's decided that he doesn't like. He's not the first person to tell me this woman is rude. What she is doing driving a special education bus is beyond me. Anywhoo...though I'm feeling like crap, I have put my face on and soldier on to do my mommy duties.
This meeting is a brief ARD/IEP meeting at Red's school. He's only been there 3 weeks and they already want to tweak his goals based on the Red that we are seeing in this new environment. I really hate to count my chickens...but this is the best I've seen him in years!!! The meeting goes well. I meet more of his team members. I am duly impressed with his Social Skills teacher. He's a guy...around 32 years-old and he really seems to know his stuff. He asked me to e-mail him if there is anything I want him to work on with Red pertaining to social skills at home. Wow! Absolutely incredible!
I leave the meeting...go grab Subway for Red's lunch and drop it back off to the school. Bad mommy was feeling too crappy to go to the grocery store last night. Honestly...I don't feel like going today either. I come home and have no incentive or energy to write a damn thing. Instead I take a nap...that is until it's time to take my mom to her hair appointment, the bank and the wine store. It's payday for seniors today. Time to buy that wine supply!
As I'm pulling in the driveway, my cell rings. It's the high-school. I don't panic...exactly. It's Red sounding peppier than he did when I left him this morning. "Mom, can you take me to get a haircut. My hair is way too long."
"Sorry son. I'm not feeling well."
"What do you mean? What's wrong with you?"
"My stomach is kind of upset."
"You don't sOUNd sick."
"Well...I am."
I know this conversation isn't over by a long shot.
I end up taking them for haircuts, to get dinner and then drop Blue at the library, while I run to the grocery store. There must be lunch supplies for the following day. As I'm walking through the grocery store...it hits me. I am sick. The more I move, the more my stomach churns and my head feels lighter. What the heck am I doing walking around the grocery store?
There are so many details that I take care of on a daily basis. I am the personal assistant of 4 people, running all of the details of their lives. I haven't been sick in so long, I think I've forgotten how to
completely stop and take care of myself. I mean who's going to take care of the details if I don't. I have spoiled them all.
I definitely should have read the employee manual before I took this job.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago