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| One ringy dingy. Two ringy dingy. "You've reached the complaint department. How may I help you?" In my Lilly Tomlin, pinched nostril voice. |
Every night before bed, I have "Me" time with Red, where I come into his room and give him my undivided attention for 10 to 15 minutes. Because I don't listen to him talk continuously enough during the day. The truth is there isn't enough time in the day to listen to him talk...especially to me...his favorite audience.
So I come into his room and lay on the bed for a few minutes of torture...I mean quality time. These conversations are never positive. They are usually a list of complaints about how how hard his life is...what he wants...and what he needs to buy that will instantaneously make his life so much better.
"Mom...you know I really need thus and such."
"Why don't any girls like me? It's not fair that don't I have a girlfriend. I guess I need to play sports so that I can get girls. Only football players get all of the girlfriends. I just need to work out, but I really hate sports. It's not fair that I should have to play sports just to get girls."
I think this is just the most comfortable language for him. He knows how to how to do this so well. He is a natural born complainer. If complaining paid...he would be rich! And be able to buy all of those things that will make his life so much better.
I have standard answers for all of these complaints, which are usually very clever and inspirational. This means nothing to him. My responses are always met with, "No...that won't work. That won't help." etc.
This time...I stop him dead in his tracks when he starts with his list.
"You know...it would be so nice if just one night I could come in here and you could tell me something positive about your day...about your life. Was there anything good about your day today? Is there anything that's going well in your life? Isn't there one thing that you can actually be grateful for?"
"Well...I'm starting to make new friends at school. I get to spend time with people who understand me and are more like me."
"Really? Wow! That's great! Anything else?"
"My teachers are all pretty nice," he says in a very flat tone.
"Awesome! That's cool! Let's say a prayer right now letting God know how grateful you are for those things in your life. If we thank him for the good things and focus more on that...good things will start to grow and multiply. Whatever you give the most attention to in your life will grow. So if we can just focus on the positives...you will start to see more positive things in your life."
With that we say a prayer in which, I list even more positive things that are happening in his life. At first he is laying back on his pillow...very nonchalant. By the middle of the prayer, he puts his hands together and puts his head down graciously. He hears this long list of positives in his life and I believe it hits him that he does have much to be thankful for.
I kiss him good night...tell him I love him. For once I leave his room feeling positive energy. It's amazing what can happen when you redirect the child into a positive direction instead of rolling your eyes up into heaven thinking...GIVE ME A BREAK!
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago