I'm so glad that my husband insisted that we go to this show. He has taken me to see 2 icons this year...first Janet, and now Sade. Music is one thing we have in common for sure...of course he is obsessed with his music collection. He spends hours working on it, ripping it from CD's and organizing it in ITunes. We really grooved together that night...totally forgetting our worries and how mad we've been at each other. For a few good hours we were a couple...not parents, which seems like the dominating role we play these days. Being there reminded me to disappear into music more often to sooth my weary, confused, discombobulated soul.
Other than that concert...we really have had no time or energy for connection lately. I've been to stressed and obsessed with getting Red's meds and school situation straight. The good news is...we may finally have the meds right. His anger is definitely down to a minimum. His outlook on life is better. He is still who he is. He's talking non-stop...rambling on and on from one subject to the next. Asking for opinions and then telling you that you're wrong. Asking questions that he already knows the answers to...hardly letting anyone else get a word in edgewise. It's kind of weird, he's doesn't even get on the computer that much anymore. He wants to be constantly talking to someone...and he wants your undivided attention for hours on end. It's quite exasperating...but so much better than anger, rage and holes in the walls.
And then there's my Blue...he's a busy little guy with tons of homework and stress because of it. Once he gets home...he's so done with focusing on work, and he gets overwhelmed because of the volume of it all. Then he has his social obligations. He really thinks he should be hanging out with friends almost daily and he's not exactly happy that he doesn't have the time for it during the week. He is beginning to get the homework 'somewhat' under control. He is staying after school for an hour to work on it, and he goes in early sometimes, so that he doesn't have to work much more than an hour at home. Still...that's a lot of freakin' homework.
I am still convinced that the volume of work that he has is because of the freakin' budget cuts in education. They are shortening classes and adding content...pushing teachers to the limits, and not giving students enough 'practice time' in class the way they did before. Maybe it's just me...but I think it's ridiculous. That's all we need is a little extra stress in our lives...caused by these idiotic politicians who didn't plan properly for the most important expense in our state...EDUCATION! I think they really want to keep the masses in America dumb, so that we won't know how to vote in our own best interests.
My life is full of so many little details...there is so much to remember when you are taking care of a family. Medical appointments, medications, keeping the house supplied with food, helping everyone maintain a proper diet. Then I have 2 adults in the house who expect me to do the same thing for them. After having to do so much for Kendal...I loose my patience, and I don't want to have to take care of a grown man on top of it all. I know I shouldn't feel that way. After all, he works extremely hard to take care of all of us financially. But sometimes I want to say, "Make your own damn plate! No...I don't know what you're going to eat for lunch. You're a grown up! Figure it out! "
Mom...she helps out a lot, but she has her days of sitting and waiting for me to do things that she can do for herself. I had to babysit her through a business call yesterday. She had everything written down that she wanted to ask...still I had to get on the phone with her. "I get nervous and I may forget something," she says.
I love them all dearly...but we all loose our patience sometimes. I do spoil them all. That's why they depend on me so much. I'm sure they all have a long list of complaints about me. I am not perfect by any means...but they have to write about it in their own blog. This is MY release. These are my 'Confessions.'
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago