And already my heart is heavy with worry and doubt.
His grandma took good care of him. He had a fabulous time at Myrtle beach, swimming in the pool, the ocean and at the water park. Once they were back in Maryland, she indulged him with multiple trips to the airport so that he could spot planes. On his last day, he got lucky, the rain stopped and grandma took a day off from work to take him to Six Flags, Great America! He is a roller coaster enthusiast and was able to ride all of the coasters multiple times.
He spent time hanging out with his cousin. They went to the beach together. They stayed up late talking and playing games. It can't get any better than that!
The only negative on this trip was his relationship with his grandpa. Grandma's husband is 81 years old and totally old-school. There were no special needs concessions from him. He talked to Red just like he talks to all of the grandkids. "Boy...get over there and sit down! Don't look at me like that! You better eat that food!" He doesn't mean any harm...that's just the way he is and at his age, he is not going to change. He didn't talk to Red any differently than he does to his cousin who just about lives there. That was hard for Red to take. "Why is grandpa so mean!?" He wants everyone to be all warm and fuzzy --to repeat themselves 39 times without loosing any patience.
Grandma is the soft touch...the mediator between them --that is when she wasn't working. Grandma is a petite woman like me standing about 5 ft. tall. She too is no nonsense, but she can make her point without raising her voice.
Missing his flight in Chicago turned out to be a blessing in disguise for him. It's one of the busiest airports in the country...a great place for plane spotting. In the unaccompanied minor lounge, there were windows so that he could watch airplanes, up close and personal. They also gave him a voucher so that he could buy a meal at Mc Donald's. Poor dude! Mommy's all worried and he is living it up!
He is full of smiles and conversation once we get home until it gets late and he brings up the subject of school.
"I really don't want to go back to that school. People make fun of me. I have too many enemies. I don't know how to do the work. It's too hard. Those people don't understand me. I don't trust Ms. So and So. That school is the source of all my stress. I'm just really worried mom."
I bring up all of the positives.
"You have a new friend there now. He wants you to be on the wrestling team. That will give you a chance to be a part of a group. You will be taking a career class that will help you figure out what you will be good at. They will help you figure out how to apply for jobs --how to write a resume. You can start to work with the multi-media team, which will ultimately help you in your career."
The truth is as I am saying this, I worry that he will put too much stake in this friendship and that he may be disappointed when he starts to overwhelm this kid and maybe he backs off.
The truth is I that I am ambivalent about his going back, but I want him to at least give it a try. I'm not ready to give up on him making it in a regular high school environment. I'm not ready to make his world smaller, and limited by a small school that doesn't have all of the resources of a larger school. But is the smaller school what's best for him?
He starts in with the crazy talk.
"I hate so and so. I'm not going to get in trouble, but I'm going to make them so mad that they will hit me and then they will get in trouble. Mrs. So and So is not to be trusted! I'm going to give her one more chance...but that's it!"
Oh Vey! What am I doing? Am I pushing him back into a situation that is going to overwhelm him, cause stress and make all of our lives miserable? Is this just his fear talking? Will he really be o.k.? Or is this my wishful thinking? Why has my gut instinct been telling me to send him back to give it a chance? Why am I now doubting my gut feelings? My head is starting to spin.
I finally tell him to just go to bed. I can't take it. My heart is starting to physically hurt. I am becoming overwhelmed by anxiety. I'm afraid I will not be able to sleep.
He's back...and so are all of my worries and doubts.
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago