This is day 3 of 10th grade. On day 2, Mom has to repeat herself about 25 times for each step of getting ready and out the door for the bus. They still had to wait for him for almost 5 minutes. Why? He's just sitting there staring into space instead of putting his shoes on. Meanwhile, I'm sweating bullets. I feel so bad for the other children who are sitting on the bus waiting. They got up early and didn't feel like, yet they may be late because of who? My son! Why? "Because I'm tired!" Why? Because my body is getting back on track with this whole getting up early thing. I just got back from the east coast a few days ago. I'm used to sleeping my days away like I did all summer. Oh...and lets not forget, I refused to turn off my computer until 10 o'clock. Then I had to play with the dog for a while before I decided to go to sleep last night. Therefore, I didn't get enough rest.
So guess what? The natural consequence is that the computer will turn off, like magic at 8 p.m. Poof! That's the magic of parental controls, since the boy apparently needs so much rest. As his mother I am obliged to make that happen for him.
"I hate you! That's not fair! You're just trying to piss me off!" he yells to the top of his lungs, when I tell him how it's going to go down.
"No...I'm not trying to piss you off. I'm trying to make sure you get the rest you need so that your body can readjust to getting up early, so that you can be on time and not have the bus waiting for you in the morning."
Of course I know that taking away computer time will piss him off. But hey, he needs a wake-up call...literally! Life does not conform to you...you have to conform to life. You don't have to like it. Hell, I don't LIKE getting up and dealing with your ass! But, I have to do it!
He's posturing into meltdown mode with the yelling, and banging his fists on the table. I remain calm. I try to stay in control of the dialog...keeping it positive. Giving him all the reasons why I am doing this to HELP him. Giving him the work scenario, "You have to be on time if you have a job,"...blah, blah, blah.
He goes on telling me how he's not tired! He doesn't need any extra rest. While protesting, he starts nodding off in the chair in the living room just after 8 p.m. when the computer turned off.
This morning...he gets up relatively on time. I only have to repeat myself 10 times instead of 25. He has eaten, taken his meds, put on his clothes and shoes...everything by 8 a.m. He then decides to sit staring off into space instead of finishing the final touch of brushing his teeth and washing his face.
I start off with...if you want to move your computer time back to 9 o'clock. you need to get up now. He doesn't budge. The bus arrives @ 8:15 a.m. Teeth are still not brushed, face not washed. He is refusing to move. I tell him how unfair he is being to the kids who are waiting on the bus. "I'm tired!" This is ridiculous! At this point dad is downstairs getting into the mix. A few minutes pass...I finally tell the bus to go on. It's not fair to put everyone behind.
Yeah...sure! I can go out and get a job, that I will be late for every other day depending on his mood. This is bullshit! And I'm tired! Yesterday, I had my appointment with the private school. I was so impressed with their program and approach, I was ready to sign on the dotted line. Ready to pull money out of one of our accounts, borrow against life insurance, whatever...to put him into this school. The thing is...I would be responsible for his transportation everyday. Do you think I'm about to PAY money for the aggravation of will he go? Will he stay? everyday freaking day!? I don't think so!
This boy needs to live in a boarding school...residential treatment or somewhere! I can not deal with this everyday for the next 3 years. He has got to get with the program! Aspergers or no Aspergers! You can not live here and do nothing! I'm sorry...but despite his disability, he will be a productive citizen of the United States. I am going to do everything within my power to make that happen. I refuse to accept, "I can't do it. It's too hard. I'm too tired!" I will give you all the support you need, but you will get an education, one way or another.
My confession today? My name is Karen and I'm pissed!
So what do you think should happen when he comes home today? Should the computer go off @ 8 p.m.? Should the computer not even be in his room when he comes home? Should it be @Goodwill?
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago