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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

48 Hours

Within 48 hours we go from, "Mom...you can go ahead and get a job.  I think I'll be fine at school this year. I don't think I'll have any meltdowns."...to "I'm NOT going to school!  I'm too tired!  I want to get up in my own time.  School starts way too early!"  Half the kids at that high school feel the same way.  School sucks!  It starts too early!  I'd rather be sleeping.  Well guess what?  Doesn't life just suck?  That's too bad!  There are plenty of things we don't feel like doing that we have to do anyway!

This is day 3 of 10th grade.  On day 2, Mom has to repeat herself about 25 times for each step of getting ready and out the door for the bus.  They still had to wait for him for almost 5 minutes.  Why?  He's just sitting there staring into space instead of putting his shoes on.  Meanwhile, I'm sweating bullets.  I feel so bad for the other children who are sitting on the bus waiting.  They got up early and didn't feel like, yet they may be late because of who?  My son! Why? "Because I'm tired!" Why? Because my body is getting back on track with this whole getting up early thing.  I just got back from the east coast a few days ago.  I'm used to sleeping my days away like I did all summer.  Oh...and lets not forget, I refused to turn off my computer until 10 o'clock.  Then I had to play with the dog for a while before I decided to go to sleep last night.  Therefore, I didn't get enough rest.

So guess what?  The natural consequence is that the computer will turn off, like magic at 8 p.m.  Poof! That's the magic of parental controls, since the boy apparently needs so much rest.  As his mother I am obliged to make that happen for him.
"I hate you!  That's not fair!  You're just trying to piss me off!" he yells to the top of his lungs, when I tell him how it's going to go down.
"No...I'm not trying to piss you off.  I'm trying to make sure you get the rest you need so that your body can readjust to getting up early, so that you can be on time and not have the bus waiting for you in the morning."

Of course I know that taking away computer time will piss him off.  But hey, he needs a wake-up call...literally!  Life does not conform to you...you have to conform to life.  You don't have to like it.  Hell, I don't LIKE getting up and dealing with your ass!  But, I have to do it!

He's posturing into meltdown mode with the yelling, and banging his fists on the table.  I remain calm.  I try to stay in control of the dialog...keeping it positive.  Giving him all the reasons why I am doing this to HELP him.  Giving him the work scenario, "You have to be on time if you have a job,"...blah, blah, blah.

He goes on telling me how he's not tired!  He doesn't need any extra rest.  While protesting, he starts nodding off in the chair in the living room just after 8 p.m. when the computer turned off.

This morning...he gets up relatively on time.  I only have to repeat myself 10 times instead of 25.  He has eaten, taken his meds, put on his clothes and shoes...everything by 8 a.m.  He then decides to sit staring off into space instead of finishing the final touch of brushing his teeth and washing his face.

I start off with...if you want to move your computer time back to 9 o'clock. you need to get up now.  He doesn't budge.  The bus arrives @ 8:15 a.m.  Teeth are still not brushed, face not washed.  He is refusing to move.  I tell him how unfair he is being to the kids who are waiting on the bus.  "I'm tired!" This is ridiculous!  At this point dad is downstairs getting into the mix.  A few minutes pass...I finally tell the bus to go on.  It's not fair to put everyone behind.

Yeah...sure!  I can go out and get a job, that I will be late for every other day depending on his mood.  This is bullshit!  And I'm tired!  Yesterday, I had my appointment with the private school.  I was so impressed with their program and approach, I was ready to sign on the dotted line.  Ready to pull money out of one of our accounts, borrow against life insurance, whatever...to put him into this school. The thing is...I would be responsible for his transportation everyday.  Do you think I'm about to PAY money for the aggravation of will he go?  Will he stay? everyday freaking day!?  I don't think so!

This boy needs to live in a boarding school...residential treatment or somewhere!  I can not deal with this everyday for the next 3 years.  He has got to get with the program!  Aspergers or no Aspergers!  You can not live here and do nothing!  I'm sorry...but despite his disability, he will be a productive citizen of the United States.  I am going to do everything within my power to make that happen.  I refuse to accept, "I can't do it.  It's too hard.  I'm too tired!"  I will give you all the support you need, but you will get an education, one way or another.

My confession today?  My name is Karen and I'm pissed!

So what do you think should happen when he comes home today?  Should the computer go off @ 8 p.m.?  Should the computer not even be in his room when he comes home?  Should it be @Goodwill?