I've been working out more in the past week which is good. I feel really good afterwards -a high kind of euphoria. I take Red with me to work out, because I'm so worried about his recent weight gain. I'd do anything for that kid. In fact, I do everything for that kid. What does he do for me? Drive me nuts. Everything is a struggle with him. At first he fought me on working out. Once we get to the gym, he seems to actually be getting into it. I believe he thinks he is Jaden Smith, from The Karate Kid or this other guy on Extreme Makeover -Weight Edition. So the first few times we go he is very cooperative and even says to me, "Make sure I do this every day for the rest of the summer!" I get all excited and so proud.
Last night's workout does not go so well. Even though he asked to go, as soon as we pull up, he says, "I changed my mind. I don't want to go in." Of course, I don't take the bate. We go in anyway. We get on the treadmill and put on our Ipods. I am soaring...in another world listening to the Black Eyed Peas, I got a Feelin, and I'mma Be. It feels great! He isn't moving to fast...no surprise there. 15 minutes in he says, "I'm done. I'm ready to go home." I'm just getting into my groove, and have no intention of stopping. He gets more and more agitated. I tell him to go do something else, like work on the weights. "I don't want to be here!" he says. I refuse to stop my work out. I tell him he can go sit out in the lobby.
While moseying around the gym, he runs into a couple of his old teachers, who happen to be friends of mine. They encourage him to hang in there, "Let Mom workout a little longer." He agrees. He comes back in the gym and goes towards the weights. He happens to run into a couple of boys from school who actually speak to him. They start a conversation about working out, loosing weight, etc. The boys are on the wrestling team. They encourage him to join the team. He certainly has the build for it. Not only that, they offer to work out with him in the future. He gives them his cell number, etc. I actually go over and meet the boys. They seem really nice...genuine. I hope they will follow up with Red. He certainly won't follow up with them.
It would be so great if he actually does hook up with some neurotypical boys who go to his school. This seems to me to be like another God-thing. I tell him so when we get in the car.
"You know...meeting those boys was God working in your life. I hope you can appreciate it and focus on all the positives. You are blessed." He acknowledges me with little enthusiasm. I can only hope.
Anyway...back to me. Isn't that ironic? Back to me. I seldom get back to me. That's a big part of the reason I'm so tired. I'm so busy being back to everybody else! I go see my doctor today for my full physical, which is of course way overdue. She tells me I should leave caffeine alone for a month and see if I can sleep better. Really Doc? Totally leave it alone...I don't think so. Cut back to 1 cup of coffee in the morning and no cokes during the rest of the day...that I can do.
Oh and Diary...my mother is starting to get on my nerves. How do I tell her nicely to butt out of every conversation I have with Red, especially after she's had a half a bottle of wine? Her chiming in is irritating to me and overstimulating for him. Not only that, the more of an audience he has, the more he performs. I've already gently mentioned it a couple of times. When the wine is on board...my gentle reminder seems to fly right out the window.
That's all the me time for today...have to get back to everyone else now.
And Diary --thanks for listening.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago