I would really like to stop whining here but hey...these are my confessions and I need to vent. I don't have time for therapy -at least not for me. I'm too busy getting everyone else to their therapy appointments. One of these days I will actually purchase that bill of goods --you know the one "Take care of yourself first." Until that day arrives...this is it.
The day goes like this:
8 a.m. up -make sure Blue gets ready for Art Camp.
9:00 a.m. -drop Harry @ the groomer for a haircut.
9:15 a.m. -drop Blue @ camp.
9:30 a.m. -grocery shopping
10:30 a.m. -get Red up and ready for Movie camp (takes him an hour and a half to eat and get dressed)
12 p.m. -pick up Blue -drive with both boys downtown
1 pm -drop off Red
1:30 p.m. -lunch with Blue (delightful)
2:30 p.m. -writing @ Coffee House (glorious)
4:30 p.m. -pick up cupcakes (self medication for later)
5 p.m. -pick up Red from camp
Austin radio is absolute crap. I am listening to a relaxing jazz CD for a change when Red gets in the car. I often let him play his Linkin Park and Green Day via his Ipod. Not today...I'm not in the mood.
He starts with, "What is this you're listening too? It's boring!"
"It's relaxing...get over it," says Blue.
"It's boring! There isn't enough guitar. I want to listen to my music!"
"I"m sorry it's my turn today," I say calmly.
He doesn't like the music. Fine...but if this were his dad's car, he would listen to it and not complain. If anything, he may ask for it to be turned down. He can only listen to his OWN music loudly.
He goes on and on for 20 minutes about the music. He finally gets off of that trip and starts talking about juvenile delinquents, jail, juvenile hall and cops. Not a conversation I want to participate in. I have to chime in periodically to set him straight because he doesn't know what he's talking about.
From there he goes on to "Can we stop and get something to eat?" over and over again. To which I reply, "I am trying to get across town in time to pick up Harry before the groomers close." I have no plans of stopping for anything.
Every time Blue says anything...he tells him to, "Shut up!" Loudly...not acceptable. Once he attempts hitting him. Not acceptable. Traffic stops abruptly. I have to break hard in order to avoid hitting the car in front of me. He screams, "What the heck?!" so loud that it distracts me. I am ready to throw him out of the car at this point. I tell him, "This behavior (the name calling and shut-ups) is going to get you grounded."
"I don't get grounded!"
"Oh really! I will take the phone and you will loose the use of your computer."
"I'm bigger than you mom. You can't make me do anything!"
Sounds like a threat to me.
"Oh my dear...you have it seriously twisted! I can cut off the electricity to your room. I do not need you for anything. You need me. You are going to learn the hard way that you can not disrespect me and then expect things from me. I will not be stopping to BUY you anything to eat. In fact...I will not be preparing anything for you for dinner. You better ask someone who you haven't disrespected to help you with your dinner tonight. As far as I'm concerned...you can starve!"
We get to the groomer. I go inside to get the dog. Red curses at his brother while I am inside. Blue gets out of the car. He doesn't want to hear this language. Red locks him out of the car. When I return, the door is still locked. He just sits there and looks at me at first. He slowly decides to unlock the door. This is the straw! I rip him a new one when I get back in. I keep my voice low...but I let him know that I am completely done with him. He had better not ask me for one single thing until I see some serious changes in his behavior. Nothing!
"I don't know what's wrong with me. It must have something to do with the way I came out when I was born. You know when I wasn't breathing at first," he says pathetically.
Oh give me a break! "What is wrong with you has nothing to do with that. You are making conscious choices! You chose to curse at him as soon as I got out of the car so that I wouldn't hear you. That was a calculated decision. The F bomb didn't accidentally fall out of your mouth! OMG...I tripped and all of these curse words just fell right out of my mouth! I don't know how that happened! It was a CHOICE! As is a lot of your behavior!"
This isn't Aspergers behavior. This is bratty, teenage boy behavior...pure and simple.
When we get home, I quickly give my mother a brief synopsis of what happened. I warn them that I don't want to see or hear from anyone for at least one hour. That's right my friends...a mommy time-out. I suggest that Blue go to his room. He also needs to decompress.
I close my door and lock it. I am nearly in tears at this point. I cuddle up with my computer. I have some pretty amazing Aspergers moms who encourage me an offer support on my Facebook Community Page. They are my heroes.
My Facebook status reads:
"I could just cry right now! I just had a 45 minute ride from hell with my boys. My door is locked! Mommy is in a 1 hour time out."
Sharon says, "Did you remember to get a bottle of wine before you closed the door?"
I did not remember the wine. I am sitting there contemplating how I can get a glass without anyone seeing or talking to me.
Elena says, "Call your mom and tell her to sneak the wine to you...then wrap yourself in a blankie...visualize words that describe your loving nature written all over the blankie...an angel will bring them to you because you are a loving person and angels only brings words of goodness and love...(yeah, I sound like a lunatic...oh well...but I do believe) much love to you...you are our angel..xo"
Elena's comment makes me laugh and cry. All of their love and support brought tears to my already soggy eyes. I wish that we could all escape together and go out for drinks! Their words leave me feeling blessed. The wine is just the cherry on top.
Please join us on Facebook if you haven't already. Namaste'
A click a day brings more people over to play:
The day goes like this:
8 a.m. up -make sure Blue gets ready for Art Camp.
9:00 a.m. -drop Harry @ the groomer for a haircut.
9:15 a.m. -drop Blue @ camp.
9:30 a.m. -grocery shopping
10:30 a.m. -get Red up and ready for Movie camp (takes him an hour and a half to eat and get dressed)
12 p.m. -pick up Blue -drive with both boys downtown
1 pm -drop off Red
1:30 p.m. -lunch with Blue (delightful)
2:30 p.m. -writing @ Coffee House (glorious)
4:30 p.m. -pick up cupcakes (self medication for later)
5 p.m. -pick up Red from camp
Austin radio is absolute crap. I am listening to a relaxing jazz CD for a change when Red gets in the car. I often let him play his Linkin Park and Green Day via his Ipod. Not today...I'm not in the mood.
He starts with, "What is this you're listening too? It's boring!"
"It's relaxing...get over it," says Blue.
"It's boring! There isn't enough guitar. I want to listen to my music!"
"I"m sorry it's my turn today," I say calmly.
He doesn't like the music. Fine...but if this were his dad's car, he would listen to it and not complain. If anything, he may ask for it to be turned down. He can only listen to his OWN music loudly.
He goes on and on for 20 minutes about the music. He finally gets off of that trip and starts talking about juvenile delinquents, jail, juvenile hall and cops. Not a conversation I want to participate in. I have to chime in periodically to set him straight because he doesn't know what he's talking about.
From there he goes on to "Can we stop and get something to eat?" over and over again. To which I reply, "I am trying to get across town in time to pick up Harry before the groomers close." I have no plans of stopping for anything.
Every time Blue says anything...he tells him to, "Shut up!" Loudly...not acceptable. Once he attempts hitting him. Not acceptable. Traffic stops abruptly. I have to break hard in order to avoid hitting the car in front of me. He screams, "What the heck?!" so loud that it distracts me. I am ready to throw him out of the car at this point. I tell him, "This behavior (the name calling and shut-ups) is going to get you grounded."
"I don't get grounded!"
"Oh really! I will take the phone and you will loose the use of your computer."
"I'm bigger than you mom. You can't make me do anything!"
Sounds like a threat to me.
"Oh my dear...you have it seriously twisted! I can cut off the electricity to your room. I do not need you for anything. You need me. You are going to learn the hard way that you can not disrespect me and then expect things from me. I will not be stopping to BUY you anything to eat. In fact...I will not be preparing anything for you for dinner. You better ask someone who you haven't disrespected to help you with your dinner tonight. As far as I'm concerned...you can starve!"
We get to the groomer. I go inside to get the dog. Red curses at his brother while I am inside. Blue gets out of the car. He doesn't want to hear this language. Red locks him out of the car. When I return, the door is still locked. He just sits there and looks at me at first. He slowly decides to unlock the door. This is the straw! I rip him a new one when I get back in. I keep my voice low...but I let him know that I am completely done with him. He had better not ask me for one single thing until I see some serious changes in his behavior. Nothing!
"I don't know what's wrong with me. It must have something to do with the way I came out when I was born. You know when I wasn't breathing at first," he says pathetically.
Oh give me a break! "What is wrong with you has nothing to do with that. You are making conscious choices! You chose to curse at him as soon as I got out of the car so that I wouldn't hear you. That was a calculated decision. The F bomb didn't accidentally fall out of your mouth! OMG...I tripped and all of these curse words just fell right out of my mouth! I don't know how that happened! It was a CHOICE! As is a lot of your behavior!"
This isn't Aspergers behavior. This is bratty, teenage boy behavior...pure and simple.
When we get home, I quickly give my mother a brief synopsis of what happened. I warn them that I don't want to see or hear from anyone for at least one hour. That's right my friends...a mommy time-out. I suggest that Blue go to his room. He also needs to decompress.
I close my door and lock it. I am nearly in tears at this point. I cuddle up with my computer. I have some pretty amazing Aspergers moms who encourage me an offer support on my Facebook Community Page. They are my heroes.
My Facebook status reads:
"I could just cry right now! I just had a 45 minute ride from hell with my boys. My door is locked! Mommy is in a 1 hour time out."
I did not remember the wine. I am sitting there contemplating how I can get a glass without anyone seeing or talking to me.
Elena says, "Call your mom and tell her to sneak the wine to you...then wrap yourself in a blankie...visualize words that describe your loving nature written all over the blankie...an angel will bring them to you because you are a loving person and angels only brings words of goodness and love...(yeah, I sound like a lunatic...oh well...but I do believe) much love to you...you are our angel..xo"
Elena's comment makes me laugh and cry. All of their love and support brought tears to my already soggy eyes. I wish that we could all escape together and go out for drinks! Their words leave me feeling blessed. The wine is just the cherry on top.
Please join us on Facebook if you haven't already. Namaste'
A click a day brings more people over to play:
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago