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Friday, June 17, 2011

Funny Friday

I almost forgot what day it is...during the summer the days all seem to run together.  There is no real break from Mommy duty.  There's a camp here, a play-date there.  They all involve me playing the role of chauffeur, event coordinator, cook or food delivery person.  I am basically on call 24/7.

OMGoodness teachers...have I told you lately that I love you?  Well I do...and I miss you beyond words.

I savor each and every moment of "alone" time I get,  even if it's just time where I plug in my Ipod and read a book while watching them swim at the pool.

On Thursday, I chauffeur Red downtown for movie camp.  He decides that it's not important to be there on time.  "It's not school! What's the big deal?"  The big deal is that I paid for it, and I want every penny's worth of time away from you!

It's hot...I'm pissed that he is 30 minutes late for a class that doesn't start until one o'clock in the afternoon.  I drop him off and burn rubber out of the parking lot.  I take solace in a cool coffee house where I sit down to write over an ice cold coke.  As the happy music plays in the background, suddenly I feel almost high, (not that I have any idea what "high" feels like...wink wink).  I am definitely euphoric from having just a few moments of freedom.



Anyway...today is Funny Friday here on Confessions.  I failed to get any funny stories from my community members on my Facebook Community Page, so I will have to go into my archives to share a few funny statements from my own kids.

This one I will never forget:

We pull up to Walgreen's.  I am trying to park but this little lady is moving very slowly getting in to her car.  I say to myself sarcastically, "Could you move a little slower?"
I get out of the car, leaving the boys sitting there while I run in to get some milk.  I come out to find my then 9 year-old son talking to the woman.
"My mom says you move very slow."
The poor woman looks so confused and maybe a little pissed off.  I motion him to get back into the car quickly.
"Mom why are you mad?  You did say that."
"Yes...but not so that she could here me!"
Lesson learned...don't say anything in front of your Aspergers kid, that you don't want repeated.
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Red and Blue are bantering in the car about...nothing.  Blue says to Red, "Can you think of something smart to talk about?  Because this conversation is stupid."  Mind you...Blue is the younger one.
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I have a meeting at Red's school.  He received rave reviews about his behavior and maturity during the school year.  (This is during middle school.)  "He's a joy to teach," says his teacher.  When he comes home I tell him how proud I am.  I ask, "Why can't I see some of that respect and good behavior at home?"
"Because I don't like your policies."
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"So boys like boobs on girls right? What inappropriate part on boys do girls like?" asks Blue.
"Cute butts," I say.
"No way!  That's disgusting!  That's impossible!"
"I'm a girl...believe me I know.  And you've got a pretty cute butt so you're all set!"
"That's just gross mom."
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And finally this was a prayer from Blue.

"Dear God, please let me sleep well tonight and not wake up for anything.  I don't need any dreams...just nothing.  And definitely no dreams about...I think you know what I mean."

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I hope your friday is funny.

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