It has become a tradition in our home. Every birthday...no matter who we are celebrating -is all about Red. I've said before when he was younger -he would throw a fit on his brother's birthday. When he got a little older -he would sing, "Happy Birthday to Me". Last year on my birthday, he sat silently on the couch as the rest of the family gathered around to sing to me. This year was no different.
This year, our neighbors -friends we have known since we moved here 11 years ago, surprised me by stopping by the house to sing "Happy Birthday." It was so sweet and thoughtful. I used to take care of these children everyday after school when they were in kindergarten and 3rd Grade. Now G- is a junior getting ready for the prom and driving, and D.J. is in the 8th grade! This gesture really made my day.
As they got ready to leave, G -who has grown into a gorgeous young lady says, "Where's Red? I want to say good-bye."
He was in the kitchen actually crying -real tears. Did it make him so sad that they came over to pay tribute to me? Wow! I couldn't believe it. He pulled himself together so that G- could give him a hug and say good-bye. I deflected from myself to tell them that Red was planning on trying out for the talent show at school. They were of course thrilled for him and said they would love to come and support him. I hoped that my gesture would pull him out of his funk.
After they left, we sat down to have dinner. He sat on the couch and started with the crying again. I asked if he would join us at the table in prayer. He said no of course. I guilted him into it and he finally did. I said a special prayer for him.
"Dear Lord -thank you for all of the blessings of this day. For the cards, flowers, notes, phone calls and outpouring of love from all of my friends and family. I like to give special thanks to the Moore family who reached out in a loving way by stopping by tonight. For my friend Tona for taking me out to lunch today. And for all of the love that my immediate family has given me tonight. I say a special prayer for Red. That he will feel the love of everyone at this table who loves and supports him. That he will be able to look at the positives in his life and feel good about himself."
Throughout dinner -Red attempted to dominate the conversation. I tell him, "We are only going to talk about positive things during my birthday dinner." We had to continuously interject to keep the conversation positive. By the end of dinner -he started to yell about the parental controls on his computer -that he wouldn't have enough time to work on his projects. Although, he had spent the majority of his time during the evening complaining, and talking instead of using his computer time.
After he finally went upstairs, Blue says to me, "I can't believe he ruined your birthday."
To which I reply, "He didn't ruin my birthday. He could only ruin my birthday if I gave him the power to do so. I didn't give him that power. I choose to look at all of the positives of this day. No one can ruin your day unless you let them."
Happy Birthday to Me!
BTW...I have to give a special shout out to my husband who did EVERYTHING to make my birthday special. He drove me to Houston to have lunch with my best friend, while he had a business meeting. And on my special day -he bought me a Michael Jackson cupcake (black and white) among many other special gestures. God Bless him -he's learning after 19 years together. His contract has been renewed for another year!

This year, our neighbors -friends we have known since we moved here 11 years ago, surprised me by stopping by the house to sing "Happy Birthday." It was so sweet and thoughtful. I used to take care of these children everyday after school when they were in kindergarten and 3rd Grade. Now G- is a junior getting ready for the prom and driving, and D.J. is in the 8th grade! This gesture really made my day.
As they got ready to leave, G -who has grown into a gorgeous young lady says, "Where's Red? I want to say good-bye."
He was in the kitchen actually crying -real tears. Did it make him so sad that they came over to pay tribute to me? Wow! I couldn't believe it. He pulled himself together so that G- could give him a hug and say good-bye. I deflected from myself to tell them that Red was planning on trying out for the talent show at school. They were of course thrilled for him and said they would love to come and support him. I hoped that my gesture would pull him out of his funk.
After they left, we sat down to have dinner. He sat on the couch and started with the crying again. I asked if he would join us at the table in prayer. He said no of course. I guilted him into it and he finally did. I said a special prayer for him.
"Dear Lord -thank you for all of the blessings of this day. For the cards, flowers, notes, phone calls and outpouring of love from all of my friends and family. I like to give special thanks to the Moore family who reached out in a loving way by stopping by tonight. For my friend Tona for taking me out to lunch today. And for all of the love that my immediate family has given me tonight. I say a special prayer for Red. That he will feel the love of everyone at this table who loves and supports him. That he will be able to look at the positives in his life and feel good about himself."
Throughout dinner -Red attempted to dominate the conversation. I tell him, "We are only going to talk about positive things during my birthday dinner." We had to continuously interject to keep the conversation positive. By the end of dinner -he started to yell about the parental controls on his computer -that he wouldn't have enough time to work on his projects. Although, he had spent the majority of his time during the evening complaining, and talking instead of using his computer time.
After he finally went upstairs, Blue says to me, "I can't believe he ruined your birthday."
To which I reply, "He didn't ruin my birthday. He could only ruin my birthday if I gave him the power to do so. I didn't give him that power. I choose to look at all of the positives of this day. No one can ruin your day unless you let them."
Happy Birthday to Me!
BTW...I have to give a special shout out to my husband who did EVERYTHING to make my birthday special. He drove me to Houston to have lunch with my best friend, while he had a business meeting. And on my special day -he bought me a Michael Jackson cupcake (black and white) among many other special gestures. God Bless him -he's learning after 19 years together. His contract has been renewed for another year!
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago