Today's Blog Gem
Red is starting to work on his video editing business again. I will be writing about that adventure very soon. In the meantime here is a previous post that I think is still very relevant:
I finally escaped to the movies with my girlfriend Friday afternoon. It took some maneuvering, switching child transporting duties over to my husband, but I managed it. We saw the movie "Social Network". Loved it! Very interesting subject matter, script and characters.
Afterward my girlfriend and I debated whether or not the main character had Aspergers. I definitely think so. He was brilliant, but lacked facial expression, and social skills. He had friends, but did not really know how to interact with them. Had a girlfriend who he really liked, but because of his bluntness, and lack of social and communication skills, inability to be empathetic, he couldn't figure out how to keep her or his best friend. He had tunnel vision, hyper-focusing abilities, a great deal of intelligence. All he could see was his goal....what he wanted to do -which he hoped would finally lead him into social acceptance.
So that guy, Mark Zuckerberg -he lives here in my house. He's only 15 and he's black, he's not exactly a genious but he has that same hyper-focus on the things that he wants. He doesn't have the social skills to maintain relationships with peers, although he desperately wants to. He often self-sabotages himself with things he does and says. Of course he's a lot less mature than the college kid we saw in the movie. He is only 15 after all.
He has been hyper-focused lately on achieving the goal of buying a Blue-ray drive for his computer. We finally cut the cord and are unwilling to buy him anything other than basic food, shelter, and clothing. We can not please his insatiable appetite for all things electronic. He has been forced to come up with creative ways to earn money. He has a video editing business, he does chores, saves money from birthdays, Christmas, etc. The latest thing is that he wants to sell things he already has but doesn't use. The latest bright idea is to sell his television. He says he doesn't really watch it and would rather watch "high-definition" movies on his computer with his new wide-screen monitor. His older brother -who lives in his own apartment agreed to buy this tube television for $50.00. Of course, we haven't seen him or the money since they made this agreement.
So we're having a garage sale yesterday -and Mr. Impatient-Tunnel-Vision wants to put the t.v. out there. He is now willing to sell it for $30.00 to a stranger, rather than wait for his brother who really needs a television. Wow! I was like that is total 'Mark Zuckerberg character in the movie!' Forget about those who love and care about you...let's get to the bottom line --what I want now! As God would have it -the t.v. didn't sell at the garage sale. It will go to his brother today.
Hyper-focus can be a good thing. I could make you extremely successful if it is put to good use -as Mr. Zuckerberg did with the invention and development of facebook, of which I am a major fan. It is one of my guilty pleasures --can't stay off of the damn thing. The question is, will that success bring you happiness? What I've seen so far -is that my son is never happy or satisfied for long. He reaches his goal of getting what he wants eventually -but then it's just on to the next thing that he wants. The movie also depicted an unhappy person who was very successful in the world of business.
In my mind -true happiness comes from relationships with those who you love and who love you. It comes from experiences, not things. It comes from doing something for others who are less fortunate -or just plain old selfless giving. I don't know if that is something that my son will ever experience. And even if he does -will he ever be truly happy? As long as he thinks happiness comes from getting things -I don't see how he can be. I can try to teach selflessness but I don't know if I can break into his mind and heart. At some point it has to come from within. Does he even have the capacity to make that happen?
Perhaps in the Aspergers mind -the idea of happiness is not the same as atypical people. Perhaps it is something I will never totally understand. However, I think it comes naturally to want your children to be happy. It's difficult to face the possibility that I may not see that happen for my son.
Red is starting to work on his video editing business again. I will be writing about that adventure very soon. In the meantime here is a previous post that I think is still very relevant:
I finally escaped to the movies with my girlfriend Friday afternoon. It took some maneuvering, switching child transporting duties over to my husband, but I managed it. We saw the movie "Social Network". Loved it! Very interesting subject matter, script and characters.
Afterward my girlfriend and I debated whether or not the main character had Aspergers. I definitely think so. He was brilliant, but lacked facial expression, and social skills. He had friends, but did not really know how to interact with them. Had a girlfriend who he really liked, but because of his bluntness, and lack of social and communication skills, inability to be empathetic, he couldn't figure out how to keep her or his best friend. He had tunnel vision, hyper-focusing abilities, a great deal of intelligence. All he could see was his goal....what he wanted to do -which he hoped would finally lead him into social acceptance.
So that guy, Mark Zuckerberg -he lives here in my house. He's only 15 and he's black, he's not exactly a genious but he has that same hyper-focus on the things that he wants. He doesn't have the social skills to maintain relationships with peers, although he desperately wants to. He often self-sabotages himself with things he does and says. Of course he's a lot less mature than the college kid we saw in the movie. He is only 15 after all.
He has been hyper-focused lately on achieving the goal of buying a Blue-ray drive for his computer. We finally cut the cord and are unwilling to buy him anything other than basic food, shelter, and clothing. We can not please his insatiable appetite for all things electronic. He has been forced to come up with creative ways to earn money. He has a video editing business, he does chores, saves money from birthdays, Christmas, etc. The latest thing is that he wants to sell things he already has but doesn't use. The latest bright idea is to sell his television. He says he doesn't really watch it and would rather watch "high-definition" movies on his computer with his new wide-screen monitor. His older brother -who lives in his own apartment agreed to buy this tube television for $50.00. Of course, we haven't seen him or the money since they made this agreement.
So we're having a garage sale yesterday -and Mr. Impatient-Tunnel-Vision wants to put the t.v. out there. He is now willing to sell it for $30.00 to a stranger, rather than wait for his brother who really needs a television. Wow! I was like that is total 'Mark Zuckerberg character in the movie!' Forget about those who love and care about you...let's get to the bottom line --what I want now! As God would have it -the t.v. didn't sell at the garage sale. It will go to his brother today.
Hyper-focus can be a good thing. I could make you extremely successful if it is put to good use -as Mr. Zuckerberg did with the invention and development of facebook, of which I am a major fan. It is one of my guilty pleasures --can't stay off of the damn thing. The question is, will that success bring you happiness? What I've seen so far -is that my son is never happy or satisfied for long. He reaches his goal of getting what he wants eventually -but then it's just on to the next thing that he wants. The movie also depicted an unhappy person who was very successful in the world of business.
In my mind -true happiness comes from relationships with those who you love and who love you. It comes from experiences, not things. It comes from doing something for others who are less fortunate -or just plain old selfless giving. I don't know if that is something that my son will ever experience. And even if he does -will he ever be truly happy? As long as he thinks happiness comes from getting things -I don't see how he can be. I can try to teach selflessness but I don't know if I can break into his mind and heart. At some point it has to come from within. Does he even have the capacity to make that happen?
Perhaps in the Aspergers mind -the idea of happiness is not the same as atypical people. Perhaps it is something I will never totally understand. However, I think it comes naturally to want your children to be happy. It's difficult to face the possibility that I may not see that happen for my son.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago