Chew Me Up -Part Un
There was a minor explosion after school today. This time it is my living Angel who blows a gasket. I told Blue in the morning that I will be picking him up a few minutes early after school. We have to take his brother to an appointment. In the literal mind of an Aspergers child you better say what you mean and mean what you say. There is little room for error or miscalculation.
The day does not go as I planned. Harry (our Maltese) has a groomers appointment and doesn't finish until late afternoon. His groomer is closer to Red's school, so I decide to go ahead and pick him up first. Instead of zig-zagging, waisting time and gas. This put me about 10 minutes behind to pick up Blue.
"What are you doing here so late?!!" Mind you I am still there 5 minutes before school is out, but still a whole, whopping 10 minutes after I said I would be there.
"I'm so sorry that my day didn't go exactly as I planned."
I try to explain in great detail what happened. It doesn't matter. He is livid! He no longer wants to hang out with me while Red goes to his social skills appointment. We usually go have a bite to eat, go for a walk and hang out somewhere down in Austin together -just the two of us.
We have to drop Harry off at home before we head out. By the time we get home Blue is in tears of frustration. He explains that it's not just me being late, it's how his day started with a misunderstanding with a teacher. My being late is just the icing on the cake.
Once he cries it out...he is able to calm down and apologize for going ballistic. He decides to go with me after-all. A few hours without his brother, dinner @ Chipolte, a trip to the Apple store and all is forgiven.
Spit Me Out -Part Deaux
As I am attempt to calm Blue, Red chimes in with, "I don't want to go to group today. I'm not going to have enough time on my computer. Can you extend the parental controls to 10 o'clock?"
If he asked that question once he asked it a hundred times on the way there. The answer never changes. I have to remain consistent. He can survive one day without extended hours on the computer. This group is for his benefit...not mine. He wants to make friends -supposedly. He needs the skills to do so. This is a group with teenagers who are slowly becoming his friends. I would rather stay home, finish my laundry and watch "Parenthood." I am doing this for him and spending a nice penny for it to boot.
When we pick him up after the group he starts again. He is relentless, talking loudly, repeating himself over and over and over again. I want to speed the car up and stop suddenly to make him hit his head on the freakin' dashboard. I refrain. I'm only a child abuser in my head.
"But I'm not going to have enough time on my computer. Can you extend the parental controls for tonight? Mom, why are you pushing my buttons? In your head, you are mentally pushing my buttons!"
Well ain't that the pot calling the kettle?
He works himself into a frenzie. When we get home he starts this fake meltdown where he's rolling on the floor, kicking like a toddler or an epileptic I've seen him out of control before...this is not what it looks like. I'm his mother. I know him like a book. This is controlled manipulation.
We are in my mother's room where he is sprawled across the floor, all 200 pounds of him. My mother is silently laughing at his bad acting job. The other day she told him that if he kept screaming so loud, he just might pop a blood vessel and we'd have to rush him to the emergency room. He believed her. He hasn't screamed since then.
I leave the room so that he no longer has an audience. Mom finally convinces him that he is wasting what little time he has and to go ahead and take his shower.
By the time both boys are asleep, I feel the need for something strong to calm my nerves. It's 10 p.m. too late for a martini. A glass of wine will have me up peeing all night. I desperately need self-medication.
I've been on a quest to find the perfect cupcake in Austin. Tonight, I have a red velvet from MadCakes. A Mad-cupcake for a madwoman -how appropriate. Don't you think?
I miss your comments! Give me a shout-out if you're alive out there!
There was a minor explosion after school today. This time it is my living Angel who blows a gasket. I told Blue in the morning that I will be picking him up a few minutes early after school. We have to take his brother to an appointment. In the literal mind of an Aspergers child you better say what you mean and mean what you say. There is little room for error or miscalculation.
The day does not go as I planned. Harry (our Maltese) has a groomers appointment and doesn't finish until late afternoon. His groomer is closer to Red's school, so I decide to go ahead and pick him up first. Instead of zig-zagging, waisting time and gas. This put me about 10 minutes behind to pick up Blue.
 |
| Harry -freshly groomed |
"I'm so sorry that my day didn't go exactly as I planned."
I try to explain in great detail what happened. It doesn't matter. He is livid! He no longer wants to hang out with me while Red goes to his social skills appointment. We usually go have a bite to eat, go for a walk and hang out somewhere down in Austin together -just the two of us.
We have to drop Harry off at home before we head out. By the time we get home Blue is in tears of frustration. He explains that it's not just me being late, it's how his day started with a misunderstanding with a teacher. My being late is just the icing on the cake.
Once he cries it out...he is able to calm down and apologize for going ballistic. He decides to go with me after-all. A few hours without his brother, dinner @ Chipolte, a trip to the Apple store and all is forgiven.
Spit Me Out -Part Deaux
As I am attempt to calm Blue, Red chimes in with, "I don't want to go to group today. I'm not going to have enough time on my computer. Can you extend the parental controls to 10 o'clock?"
If he asked that question once he asked it a hundred times on the way there. The answer never changes. I have to remain consistent. He can survive one day without extended hours on the computer. This group is for his benefit...not mine. He wants to make friends -supposedly. He needs the skills to do so. This is a group with teenagers who are slowly becoming his friends. I would rather stay home, finish my laundry and watch "Parenthood." I am doing this for him and spending a nice penny for it to boot.
When we pick him up after the group he starts again. He is relentless, talking loudly, repeating himself over and over and over again. I want to speed the car up and stop suddenly to make him hit his head on the freakin' dashboard. I refrain. I'm only a child abuser in my head.
"But I'm not going to have enough time on my computer. Can you extend the parental controls for tonight? Mom, why are you pushing my buttons? In your head, you are mentally pushing my buttons!"
Well ain't that the pot calling the kettle?
He works himself into a frenzie. When we get home he starts this fake meltdown where he's rolling on the floor, kicking like a toddler or an epileptic I've seen him out of control before...this is not what it looks like. I'm his mother. I know him like a book. This is controlled manipulation.
We are in my mother's room where he is sprawled across the floor, all 200 pounds of him. My mother is silently laughing at his bad acting job. The other day she told him that if he kept screaming so loud, he just might pop a blood vessel and we'd have to rush him to the emergency room. He believed her. He hasn't screamed since then.
I leave the room so that he no longer has an audience. Mom finally convinces him that he is wasting what little time he has and to go ahead and take his shower.
I've been on a quest to find the perfect cupcake in Austin. Tonight, I have a red velvet from MadCakes. A Mad-cupcake for a madwoman -how appropriate. Don't you think?
I miss your comments! Give me a shout-out if you're alive out there!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago