I am sitting in the car waiting for Red to mosey on out to the car to get to school. These days I have too much nervous energy. I can't sit idol. I have to be electronically stimulated in some form or fashion -either by my android phone, my kindle or my laptop. Yes...I've become one of those people This is a form of escape from my reality. Sadly, it's also a social outlet for a woman who spends a lot of time with children, not adults.
So while I'm waiting for Red (it seems like I spend my life doing that) I grab my phone and check my Facebook page, then I read an inspirational blog or two. I love to read Diary of a Mom in the morning while I'm waiting. Jess -the author of the blog is a fresh cup of inspiration in the morning. Lord knows...I need inspiration! She talks about her girls, one of them has autism. I always wonder what my life would be like if I had girls. This gives me a small taste of that world. It's not necessarily better, but different.
Back to my reality...this boy gets into my car and tries unsuccessfully to grab my phone. "Stop looking at that phone mom! You're obsessed with that phone!"
"Have you lost your mind?" I retort. "Who do you think you're talking too?" Aspergers or not -I will not be blatantly disrespected. He's not in the middle of a meltdown. He's in the middle of being a disrespectful teenager!
"Well...why are you always looking at that stupid phone?"
"Why are you always late? Why do I have to sit here waiting for twenty-minutes every morning? If I choose to spend my time reading something while I wait for you, that is my choice."
He goes on with a couple of other ugly, personal insults. One of them I about why I eat "disgusting guacamole." I refuse to engage him in this nonsensical conversation. I just drive, trying desperately to ignore him. When we arrive at school, we do the usual dance. He refuses to get out of the car, but this time he actually starts cursing at the people behind us in the car line. (They don't hear him of course, but I do.) Oops...that's my cue.
I get out of the car and enter the building so that he no longer has an audience. A few minutes later he gets out. He comes in...I go out. I return to my car...only this time he follows me. "Why are you embarrassing me mom?"
"You're embarrassing yourself. Go to class," I say calmly as I continue walking. I get in the car and lock the door behind me. I leave...burning rubber behind me.
At 4:30 the storm blows back in and continues basically right where he left off. He unloads the frustration of his day -of his life, on me. Everything is exaggerated. Everything is somehow my fault or my problem that I need to fix.
The source of most of his fury -the main reason we said "sayanara to Mr. Nice guy," is the fact that he "broke up" with his best friend over the weekend. His friend also has "issues" and when he is feeling down he has a tendency to be rather ugly to Red. That's not to say that Red did not play a role in whatever they fell out about. You put two kids together who lack appropriate social skills, and they both have disabilities -everything isn't going to be peachy all of the time.
I listen. I offer advice. I console. It all falls on deaf ears. He talks calmly. He rages. He yells. He rants from one subject to the next -really just having a conversation with himself, but I am supposed to listen attentively. If I give a suggestion he talks right over it. All of that is fine --for the first hour and a half!
I am so glad that I scheduled my day so that I can go to a 6:30 p.m. yoga class. I want out! I want a glass of wine! But I can't have wine and then go to yoga -I'd fall asleep during savasana (meditation). Around 5:30 I start calling my husband. "Are you on your way? Where are you? How long before you can get here?"
My mom finally felt sorry for me and asked him to come into to her room and talk to her for a while. She's been trying really hard to stay out the middle of our madness, but he was relentless. Thank you Mom!
My husband walks in the door -I run out! I almost drive right past the gym to my favorite margarita joint. Determined to keep myself on the list, I pull into the gym. I have not worked out this year! It was good to be there. I try my best to breathe and be present.
"Breathe out all of the stress of the day deep take deep, cleansing breaths," says the yoga instructor.
You have no idea! I think to myself.
When I left the house, my husband said, "Take your time." When I leave the gym I thought -hmm he said take my time. Should I go to TJMaxx for shopping therapy? Somehow my car drove itself to Z-Tejas where I had a deep cleansing margarita all by myself. I felt a little weird walking in alone, but it's not like I haven't done it before. So much so -the waitresses all know me by name and favorite drink.
I sat at the table nursing one drink, playing scrabble on my Kindle. I had a party all by myself -other than the occasional visit from my favorite waitress, Raquel -who has become a friend.
Yoga was good therapy...but margarita therapy was even better.
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago