I am sitting in the car waiting for Red to mosey on out to the car to get to school. These days I have too much nervous energy. I can't sit idol. I have to be electronically stimulated in some form or fashion -either by my android phone, my kindle or my laptop. Yes...I've become one of those people This is a form of escape from my reality. Sadly, it's also a social outlet for a woman who spends a lot of time with children, not adults.
So while I'm waiting for Red (it seems like I spend my life doing that) I grab my phone and check my Facebook page, then I read an inspirational blog or two. I love to read Diary of a Mom in the morning while I'm waiting. Jess -the author of the blog is a fresh cup of inspiration in the morning. Lord knows...I need inspiration! She talks about her girls, one of them has autism. I always wonder what my life would be like if I had girls. This gives me a small taste of that world. It's not necessarily better, but different.
Back to my reality...this boy gets into my car and tries unsuccessfully to grab my phone. "Stop looking at that phone mom! You're obsessed with that phone!"
"Have you lost your mind?" I retort. "Who do you think you're talking too?" Aspergers or not -I will not be blatantly disrespected. He's not in the middle of a meltdown. He's in the middle of being a disrespectful teenager!
"Well...why are you always looking at that stupid phone?"
"Why are you always late? Why do I have to sit here waiting for twenty-minutes every morning? If I choose to spend my time reading something while I wait for you, that is my choice."
He goes on with a couple of other ugly, personal insults. One of them I about why I eat "disgusting guacamole." I refuse to engage him in this nonsensical conversation. I just drive, trying desperately to ignore him. When we arrive at school, we do the usual dance. He refuses to get out of the car, but this time he actually starts cursing at the people behind us in the car line. (They don't hear him of course, but I do.) Oops...that's my cue.
I get out of the car and enter the building so that he no longer has an audience. A few minutes later he gets out. He comes in...I go out. I return to my car...only this time he follows me. "Why are you embarrassing me mom?"
"You're embarrassing yourself. Go to class," I say calmly as I continue walking. I get in the car and lock the door behind me. I leave...burning rubber behind me.
At 4:30 the storm blows back in and continues basically right where he left off. He unloads the frustration of his day -of his life, on me. Everything is exaggerated. Everything is somehow my fault or my problem that I need to fix.
The source of most of his fury -the main reason we said "sayanara to Mr. Nice guy," is the fact that he "broke up" with his best friend over the weekend. His friend also has "issues" and when he is feeling down he has a tendency to be rather ugly to Red. That's not to say that Red did not play a role in whatever they fell out about. You put two kids together who lack appropriate social skills, and they both have disabilities -everything isn't going to be peachy all of the time.
I listen. I offer advice. I console. It all falls on deaf ears. He talks calmly. He rages. He yells. He rants from one subject to the next -really just having a conversation with himself, but I am supposed to listen attentively. If I give a suggestion he talks right over it. All of that is fine --for the first hour and a half!
I am so glad that I scheduled my day so that I can go to a 6:30 p.m. yoga class. I want out! I want a glass of wine! But I can't have wine and then go to yoga -I'd fall asleep during savasana (meditation). Around 5:30 I start calling my husband. "Are you on your way? Where are you? How long before you can get here?"
My mom finally felt sorry for me and asked him to come into to her room and talk to her for a while. She's been trying really hard to stay out the middle of our madness, but he was relentless. Thank you Mom!
My husband walks in the door -I run out! I almost drive right past the gym to my favorite margarita joint. Determined to keep myself on the list, I pull into the gym. I have not worked out this year! It was good to be there. I try my best to breathe and be present.
"Breathe out all of the stress of the day deep take deep, cleansing breaths," says the yoga instructor.
You have no idea! I think to myself.
When I left the house, my husband said, "Take your time." When I leave the gym I thought -hmm he said take my time. Should I go to TJMaxx for shopping therapy? Somehow my car drove itself to Z-Tejas where I had a deep cleansing margarita all by myself. I felt a little weird walking in alone, but it's not like I haven't done it before. So much so -the waitresses all know me by name and favorite drink.
I sat at the table nursing one drink, playing scrabble on my Kindle. I had a party all by myself -other than the occasional visit from my favorite waitress, Raquel -who has become a friend.
Yoga was good therapy...but margarita therapy was even better.
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