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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Perfection

Last night I wrote out a contract for Red -my 15 year old to get his blu-ray drive installed.  There are four objectives:

1) Be ready for school on time.
2) Use respectful language to your family
3) No purposeful teasing of your brother
4) Take showers without talking back

He booed, hissed and screamed unfair. He said I was asking him to be perfect. I actually gave him some room for imperfection.  Out of 5 possible tokens for the day, if he gets 4, he will meet his objective.  So far, he is having an awesome day.  

Unfortunately for me, today was early release day in our school district.  I'm sure the teachers were thrilled.  I however was not.  This is the day I usually take my mom to get her hair done, followed by lunch with a cocktail.  I can taste the margarita I missed right now -damn it! 

So the boys come home hungry. Blue -starts to make his Stouffers chicken and mashed potatoes.  Red -grabs a box of cereal.  Blue goes ballistic! 

"You can't eat now! Get out of here!" He can not stand the sounds his brother makes when eating.  He wants to control when, where and how much he eats.  Of course he can't do that, but I do whatever I can to keep the peace around here.

Blue proceeds to grab the cereal box from Red, and ads a few kicks and punches for good measure.  Mind you -he is 100 pounds lighter than the big brother he is hitting.  I get that it bothers him to hear the sounds of his brother chewing.  I get that he is upset because it's raining today.  That always puts him on edge to say the least.  It has gotten better.  At least he's not hiding in the bathroom when it's just drizzling thanks to the new medicine. I was just telling my friend that it seems like I have my sweet son back...well not today.  I guess I can't expect perfection.  

I separate the boys -had Blue retreat to his room while Red smacked on his cereal downstairs.  I'm running up and down trying to keep them apart.  When Blue is angry -the mere sight or sound of his brother sends him into a tailspin.  

After things died down Blue passes me a note.  We write back and forth:

"Do you hate me?"
"I don't hate anyone."
"Are you mad at me?" 
"No.  I'm just tired."
"Why can't you give Red away to the state?" 
"This time he didn't do anything wrong.  He just wanted to have a snack -just like you."
"Was it my fault?"
"You could have let me handle it and just removed yourself like I was asking?"
"I know that, but why didn't it happen?"
"Because you were really angry. You can't help that. I just wish you would realize that I am trying to HELP you."
"I'm sorry." 
"Me too."

By the time everyone was quiet...mommy was exhausted! I sat down and tried to soothe myself by doing some online browsing.  My eye lids were like heavy blankets.  I could hardly keep them open.  These episodes just zap me. I left Craigslist and Soma Intimates behind, went upstairs and took an afternoon nap. The cold and rain may not do much for Blues mood...but it's some kind of wonderful to crawl underneath the covers and sleep my blues away.




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