You Think You Know...

You think you know until you find out you that you don't.  I reminded him last night to take a shower at 7 p.m. When he crawled into bed at 9:30...he had not taken it.  "I'm just so tired he said."  Fine.  I'm not about to argue about this. He promised to take it in the morning.

7 a.m. I wake him up.

7:30 -he comes downstairs unshowered.  He falls on the floor. "Something's wrong with me.  I'm just so tired." Mind you...every other day this week he has gotten up at 6:45 a.m -on his own.  He got on his computer.  Suddenly today -he's too tired (a load of bull).

7:35 -he goes upstairs to shower.


8:00 -I go upstairs...he's still in the shower.  Who knows what he was doing for the past 25 minutes.  He says he just got in.

8:05 -I take Blue to middle school

8:15 -I return he is sitting on the floor in the bathroom, clipping his nails.
I'm pissed! I try to keep my cool.  I remind him of what he needs to do to get the rewards that he wants.

8:25 -he comes down to eat breakfast.  He complains that there are only 3 waffles instead of 4 -loudly!
On his way up the stairs to brush his teeth -he says, "I'm not going to school." I remind him that he is going.  It's the law.  If I need to -I will call the campus and have the campus officer come and get him.  My voice remains calm. He screams, "NOOO!"

8:50  -we finally leave for school. I don't say one word in the car.  He says, "Mom -I want the blu-ray player," over and over again.  I remain silent.
 
9:00 a..m. We arrive at school.  The tardy bell rang at 8:45 a.m.  I promptly get out of the car to go to the attendance office and to remove the audience for the rant that usually takes place at this point.  He's a bit shocked that I got out of the car. He has no choice but to follow me.  He signs in at the attendance office.  I watch.  I call upstairs to his tracking teacher to let her know that he is in the building.  I inform her of the reason that he is late.  He follows me as I walk towards the door.  "Don't leave," he says.

"Good-bye son.  Have a good day. You will be riding the bus home," I say as I head out the door.

He stands there looking at me, dumbfounded as I get in the car.

I drive home wondering asking myself...what am I doing wrong? Why does he behave this way for me? Is he responding to the therapy session yesterday?  We talked so calmly about what he needs to do to get the things that he wants.  He needs to cooperate, take care of his business, talk to us respectfully.  He said that he would.  Then he gets up and does the total opposite.  Should I give him the new medication? Am I crazy not to?  Something about it doesn't feel right.  I'm exhausted and the day has just begun.

The blu-ray player should arrive today.  He has just sealed his fate.  It will not be installed.  He won't see it until we see some changes.

I drive back home.  I pull into the driveway and sit.  I turn off the car and sit allowing the sun to massage my body through the car window.  I have so much to do.  I have so many dreams. I have not met my goals this week or completed my to do list.

Will I ever be more than just his mom?