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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

If You Were My Boyfriend

This is an abusive relationship 
Autism explains the anger 
fear
anxiety 
explosiveness
depression
your special flavor of rudeness with sprinkles on top 
You’ve been bullied
Left out
Socially isolated
Explanations do not trump unkind words. 
They still beat down the soul
Because I love you, 
I forgive you.
I not only forgive,
sometimes I forget
I love you but…
If you were my boyfriend, 
I would dump you.
If you were my husband,
I would leave you. 
If you were my friend,
I would quit you.
But you are my child. 
Aggressiveness
Don’t speak of it   
It hurts so deeply 
There is shame 
We fear judgement 
Don’t say it aloud 
What will they think 
Always on guard 
Waiting for the ball to drop 
The trigger
The ignition
The bomb
Life in a war zone 
We hear screams 
when there are none 
Relaxation? 
Quiet? 
Is fleeting 
A treasure we hold tight 
The calm before the storm 
The storm always comes 
Not sooner
Definitely later…
Collateral damage lies in it’s wake
Holes in the walls
Cracks in the doors 
Collectables broken 
Will the blows become physical
for you 
for me 
Will the switch flip
Goodbye self-control
Read the signs 
can’t afford to ignore them
I love you but…
If you were my boyfriend, 
I would dump you.
If you were my husband, 
I would leave you. 
If you were my friend,
I would quit you.
You’re my child 
I will help you
I will nurture you
I will guide you 
In sickness and health 
I will point you towards the light
As long as I have breath 
As long as I have strength 
Until you stand on your own 
Until the bough breaks 


Just a little something I'm thinking about today...

Many autism parents are afraid to speak of the physical and mental abuse that we go through. In quiet corners, I hear stories that make me weep. The loss of control is hurtful to all parties.  It devastates our children, when they shift back into reality. Aggressiveness or violence from an autistic child is never an excuse for parents to harm them. We were put here to help them. Read the signs, get them the help, give yourself a break, before the bough breaks.

*Edit
This is not everyone's story. Autism is not one thing. Each child as unique as a precious snowflake. I am immersed in a community of parents and those on the spectrum who do have similar experiences. While I have many whose children don't have these issues. This story is not about me. It's not just about my kids. It's about many parents and many children.