I feel like I'm swimming upstream, against the current, all alone. Everyone, in this house, including the person I am trying to help seems like they're working against me.
I've been busting my ass getting Red connected with services. Week before last, I met with his Adult Transition team through the school district. The best thing to come out of that meeting is that the Occupational Therapist is now coming out to our home to work with him on budgeting and some behavior issues. She told me straight out to give up a lot of the power struggles and let him make his own mistakes with his money. She encouraged me to put him more in charge of his own life so that he can actually feel the pain of being an adult. As you may have read in my last post "Mama's Boy" , I've been trying to do that.
The following week we met with our local MHMR (our county Mental Health agency) for an intake. This was like a 2 hour meeting just to get the ball rolling with what supports they may be able to offer him. The best thing so far that I heard from them, is they can give us Respite Care, where some will come into our home to give us a break. They can also do Community Supports training where some one will come out and take him into the community to work on different skills, such as money management, shopping, etc. They could also do Case Management, and help him with community living options (such as a group home) if we were to go in that direction.
This week I did an intake with DARS (Department of Rehabilitative Services). I could do a whole blog post about the services that they offer, and I will, but I want to get to another point.
Hubby is working and traveling and has not been able to come to one of these meetings. I basically have to try to regurgitate a shitload of information to him once I finally see him, which is usually a few days after the meeting. I don't half-way understand all of the information that's coming my way, but I'm doing my best to figure it all out.
What I know for sure, is that there is help. There is supports available to turn our young man into an independent adult. The ultimate goal is independence! I can see it far, far away in the horizon. I need glasses to see it, but I know it's there!
What do I get from hubby as I'm trying to share all of this information? I get, "Bottom line, when can we get him out of here? He's acting like an ass! And I'm sick of it! Well, hello! I'm sick of it too! I'm the primary person dealing with it, face to face while you earn a living to take care of our family. I'm ready for all of this crap, including his behaviors to go away like...yesterday! Unfortunately, it's just not that simple.
Red tries to make improvements and then he turns around and takes 10 steps backward. Last night he bought a new printer. He came to his dad and demanded that he help him set it up! Now! Loudly! Obnoxiously!
In what world does that work? I'm trying to help set you up for the best possible life dude and then you just act like pure ass. He was even crappy with me once we got home from the bank and other errands yesterday, which is why today ...he will not be riding in my car. He will be paying someone else for a ride.
He needs some behavior therapies, which DARS says they will pay for! Hallelujah! He needs all kinds of things that I am working on putting in place for him but, it feels like I'm working alone and everyone in this house, is working against me. Hence, I am swimming upstream. I'm up a creek without a paddle! Dad is taking all rude (Aspergers) behavior personally. Red is continually being ungrateful and rude. He's always talking out of his ass saying things that make no sense, both for attention and sometimes, just to piss us off.
The counselor at DARS told me, "The easy route to a group home is not necessarily the best route for his ultimate success." It's putting a bandaid on the situation not really treating it. It's like taking a few steps sideways instead of forward. Ultimately, creating more work to get him on the road to independence.
I can't seem to get Dad or Red to see the big picture. I'm frustrated! I'm tired! And again, I'm frustrated!
Motherhood ...the job you can't quit. No matter how much you would like to!
Dad and I need therapy to get us through this in one piece.
I've been busting my ass getting Red connected with services. Week before last, I met with his Adult Transition team through the school district. The best thing to come out of that meeting is that the Occupational Therapist is now coming out to our home to work with him on budgeting and some behavior issues. She told me straight out to give up a lot of the power struggles and let him make his own mistakes with his money. She encouraged me to put him more in charge of his own life so that he can actually feel the pain of being an adult. As you may have read in my last post "Mama's Boy" , I've been trying to do that.
The following week we met with our local MHMR (our county Mental Health agency) for an intake. This was like a 2 hour meeting just to get the ball rolling with what supports they may be able to offer him. The best thing so far that I heard from them, is they can give us Respite Care, where some will come into our home to give us a break. They can also do Community Supports training where some one will come out and take him into the community to work on different skills, such as money management, shopping, etc. They could also do Case Management, and help him with community living options (such as a group home) if we were to go in that direction.
This week I did an intake with DARS (Department of Rehabilitative Services). I could do a whole blog post about the services that they offer, and I will, but I want to get to another point.
Hubby is working and traveling and has not been able to come to one of these meetings. I basically have to try to regurgitate a shitload of information to him once I finally see him, which is usually a few days after the meeting. I don't half-way understand all of the information that's coming my way, but I'm doing my best to figure it all out.
What I know for sure, is that there is help. There is supports available to turn our young man into an independent adult. The ultimate goal is independence! I can see it far, far away in the horizon. I need glasses to see it, but I know it's there!
Red tries to make improvements and then he turns around and takes 10 steps backward. Last night he bought a new printer. He came to his dad and demanded that he help him set it up! Now! Loudly! Obnoxiously!
In what world does that work? I'm trying to help set you up for the best possible life dude and then you just act like pure ass. He was even crappy with me once we got home from the bank and other errands yesterday, which is why today ...he will not be riding in my car. He will be paying someone else for a ride.
He needs some behavior therapies, which DARS says they will pay for! Hallelujah! He needs all kinds of things that I am working on putting in place for him but, it feels like I'm working alone and everyone in this house, is working against me. Hence, I am swimming upstream. I'm up a creek without a paddle! Dad is taking all rude (Aspergers) behavior personally. Red is continually being ungrateful and rude. He's always talking out of his ass saying things that make no sense, both for attention and sometimes, just to piss us off.
The counselor at DARS told me, "The easy route to a group home is not necessarily the best route for his ultimate success." It's putting a bandaid on the situation not really treating it. It's like taking a few steps sideways instead of forward. Ultimately, creating more work to get him on the road to independence.
I can't seem to get Dad or Red to see the big picture. I'm frustrated! I'm tired! And again, I'm frustrated!
Motherhood ...the job you can't quit. No matter how much you would like to!
Dad and I need therapy to get us through this in one piece.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago