Monday, January 6, 2014

Not That Girl

I've been married for nearly 20 years to the father of my children.  It's really unbelievable that two human beings who are so very different in so many ways, can actually stay married and most of the time happily, for that long.  I remember when the Pastor said till death do us part I thought to myself, Yeah right! No freakin' way!  When he said, love, honor and obey, I nearly choked.  Should have had that part taken out.  You got the wrong girl if you think I'm going to obey my husband.  I didn't even obey my parents! Hence the huge amount of Karma I'm receiving right now.

I was 29 years-old when we got married and even though that's not that young, I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.  I did know this ...I found a man who loved me.  He was honest and trustworthy.  He was honorable.  He had custody of his 5 year old son.  What man does that? Steps up to the plate and is the primary caregiver to his child.  A responsible, trustworthy one.  That's who.  He was everything that my father was not.

Our marriage has been through a lot of ups and downs.  Good moments and moments where we wanted to kill each other.  Moments when I couldn't imagine being married to him a moment longer.  Moments where we fell in love all over again.  Moments where we I'm sure we both regretted our decision to marry each other.  And then finally, moments where we learned to accept each other for exactly who we are, and not who we want the other person to be.

Over this weekend, hubby went up to Dallas with my young cousin, to meet 2 of my other cousins for the Cotton Bowl.  Mizzou vs. OSU.  My cousins are alumni of Mizzou.  I was happy for him to have the chance to go have a "guys" good time at the big game with the fellas.  It was basically a 27 hour trip up, from Austin, tailgate party, game, spend the night and back the following morning.  Mizzou won! A good time was had by all.  Great! Wonderful. Right? Right!

Handsome Hubs & My good looking Cousins
Mizzou vs. OSU 
Of course, I'm here holding down the fort with the boys.  Hubby comes home tired.  He takes a nap while I go out to grab a late lunch with my mom and Blue.  Next it's on to grocery shopping. Woo hoo! Fun right?  Towards the end of shopping, hubby texts me and says, I'm going to go out and grab myself a bite, maybe watch a little football.  Oh and by the way, at 9 there's this party for T.  (It's a guys version of a baby shower, with golf, no gifts and plenty of drinking.)

Really now? You just got back from the trip to see the big game and now you're going to a party the very next night?  Wow! Must be nice!  So yeah.  I was kind of pissed and I had to at least call him on it.  He felt guilty and by the time I got home from the store, he decided to play the martyr and not go. I insisted that he go ahead and go. I didn't want to be that girl -who holds on to her man like he's in high school and needs permission to do everything.

You see, when I was in my 20's I had a boyfriend.  He was my first love.  Our relationship lasted for several years until he moved away to go to medical school. I would freak out when he wanted to do things without me.  Ultimately, the relationship fell apart.  Was it the timing? We were too young?  I'll never know for sure.

From that experience, I decided, that once I got married, I am not going to be that girl.  The girl who is so insecure, that she falls apart every time her man wants to have fun that does not include her.  I want a man who wants to be with me because he wants to be, not because I insist.  An adult should not be treated like a cage bird. Everyone needs a little room to fly.

My thought once I got home from the grocery store was basically this ...if your first inclination is that you want to go out 2 nights in a row, take your ass right on out.  If home is not where you want to be ...I don't want you here.  I can do fine all by myself.  I will be here when you get back.  And when I get ready to go do my thing ...I will fly and I won't look back.

I trust my husband.  We have both been trustworthy in this marriage.  I'm not saying that he has been a perfect angel or at least flirted with, or looked at another woman fact, I'm sure that he has.  I know that I have!  Flirting is in my DNA (thanks Dad).  But we always come home to each other -faithfully.

Should the day come, where he no longer wants to do that will also be his choice.  I am not that girl who feels the need hold on tight.  I may rag him and give him a bit of a hard time, here and there.  He may do the same to me.  But the truth of the matter is ...if he wants to be with me ultimately, he will be.

For 20 years come this June, being this girl has worked.