I've been married for nearly 20 years to the father of my children. It's really unbelievable that two human beings who are so very different in so many ways, can actually stay married and most of the time happily, for that long. I remember when the Pastor said till death do us part I thought to myself, Yeah right! No freakin' way! When he said, love, honor and obey, I nearly choked. Should have had that part taken out. You got the wrong girl if you think I'm going to obey my husband. I didn't even obey my parents! Hence the huge amount of Karma I'm receiving right now.
I was 29 years-old when we got married and even though that's not that young, I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into. I did know this ...I found a man who loved me. He was honest and trustworthy. He was honorable. He had custody of his 5 year old son. What man does that? Steps up to the plate and is the primary caregiver to his child. A responsible, trustworthy one. That's who. He was everything that my father was not.
Our marriage has been through a lot of ups and downs. Good moments and moments where we wanted to kill each other. Moments when I couldn't imagine being married to him a moment longer. Moments where we fell in love all over again. Moments where we I'm sure we both regretted our decision to marry each other. And then finally, moments where we learned to accept each other for exactly who we are, and not who we want the other person to be.
Over this weekend, hubby went up to Dallas with my young cousin, to meet 2 of my other cousins for the Cotton Bowl. Mizzou vs. OSU. My cousins are alumni of Mizzou. I was happy for him to have the chance to go have a "guys" good time at the big game with the fellas. It was basically a 27 hour trip up, from Austin, tailgate party, game, spend the night and back the following morning. Mizzou won! A good time was had by all. Great! Wonderful. Right? Right!
Of course, I'm here holding down the fort with the boys. Hubby comes home tired. He takes a nap while I go out to grab a late lunch with my mom and Blue. Next it's on to grocery shopping. Woo hoo! Fun right? Towards the end of shopping, hubby texts me and says, I'm going to go out and grab myself a bite, maybe watch a little football. Oh and by the way, at 9 there's this party for T. (It's a guys version of a baby shower, with golf, no gifts and plenty of drinking.)
Really now? You just got back from the trip to see the big game and now you're going to a party the very next night? Wow! Must be nice! So yeah. I was kind of pissed and I had to at least call him on it. He felt guilty and by the time I got home from the store, he decided to play the martyr and not go. I insisted that he go ahead and go. I didn't want to be that girl -who holds on to her man like he's in high school and needs permission to do everything.
You see, when I was in my 20's I had a boyfriend. He was my first love. Our relationship lasted for several years until he moved away to go to medical school. I would freak out when he wanted to do things without me. Ultimately, the relationship fell apart. Was it the timing? We were too young? I'll never know for sure.
From that experience, I decided, that once I got married, I am not going to be that girl. The girl who is so insecure, that she falls apart every time her man wants to have fun that does not include her. I want a man who wants to be with me because he wants to be, not because I insist. An adult should not be treated like a cage bird. Everyone needs a little room to fly.
My thought once I got home from the grocery store was basically this ...if your first inclination is that you want to go out 2 nights in a row, take your ass right on out. If home is not where you want to be ...I don't want you here. I can do fine all by myself. I will be here when you get back. And when I get ready to go do my thing ...I will fly and I won't look back.
I trust my husband. We have both been trustworthy in this marriage. I'm not saying that he has been a perfect angel or at least flirted with, or looked at another woman ...in fact, I'm sure that he has. I know that I have! Flirting is in my DNA (thanks Dad). But we always come home to each other -faithfully.
Should the day come, where he no longer wants to do that ...it will also be his choice. I am not that girl who feels the need hold on tight. I may rag him and give him a bit of a hard time, here and there. He may do the same to me. But the truth of the matter is ...if he wants to be with me ultimately, he will be.
For 20 years come this June, being this girl has worked.
I was 29 years-old when we got married and even though that's not that young, I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into. I did know this ...I found a man who loved me. He was honest and trustworthy. He was honorable. He had custody of his 5 year old son. What man does that? Steps up to the plate and is the primary caregiver to his child. A responsible, trustworthy one. That's who. He was everything that my father was not.
Our marriage has been through a lot of ups and downs. Good moments and moments where we wanted to kill each other. Moments when I couldn't imagine being married to him a moment longer. Moments where we fell in love all over again. Moments where we I'm sure we both regretted our decision to marry each other. And then finally, moments where we learned to accept each other for exactly who we are, and not who we want the other person to be.
Over this weekend, hubby went up to Dallas with my young cousin, to meet 2 of my other cousins for the Cotton Bowl. Mizzou vs. OSU. My cousins are alumni of Mizzou. I was happy for him to have the chance to go have a "guys" good time at the big game with the fellas. It was basically a 27 hour trip up, from Austin, tailgate party, game, spend the night and back the following morning. Mizzou won! A good time was had by all. Great! Wonderful. Right? Right!
 |
| Handsome Hubs & My good looking Cousins Mizzou vs. OSU |
Really now? You just got back from the trip to see the big game and now you're going to a party the very next night? Wow! Must be nice! So yeah. I was kind of pissed and I had to at least call him on it. He felt guilty and by the time I got home from the store, he decided to play the martyr and not go. I insisted that he go ahead and go. I didn't want to be that girl -who holds on to her man like he's in high school and needs permission to do everything.
You see, when I was in my 20's I had a boyfriend. He was my first love. Our relationship lasted for several years until he moved away to go to medical school. I would freak out when he wanted to do things without me. Ultimately, the relationship fell apart. Was it the timing? We were too young? I'll never know for sure.
From that experience, I decided, that once I got married, I am not going to be that girl. The girl who is so insecure, that she falls apart every time her man wants to have fun that does not include her. I want a man who wants to be with me because he wants to be, not because I insist. An adult should not be treated like a cage bird. Everyone needs a little room to fly.
My thought once I got home from the grocery store was basically this ...if your first inclination is that you want to go out 2 nights in a row, take your ass right on out. If home is not where you want to be ...I don't want you here. I can do fine all by myself. I will be here when you get back. And when I get ready to go do my thing ...I will fly and I won't look back.
I trust my husband. We have both been trustworthy in this marriage. I'm not saying that he has been a perfect angel or at least flirted with, or looked at another woman ...in fact, I'm sure that he has. I know that I have! Flirting is in my DNA (thanks Dad). But we always come home to each other -faithfully.
Should the day come, where he no longer wants to do that ...it will also be his choice. I am not that girl who feels the need hold on tight. I may rag him and give him a bit of a hard time, here and there. He may do the same to me. But the truth of the matter is ...if he wants to be with me ultimately, he will be.
For 20 years come this June, being this girl has worked.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago