I don't have my own therapist right now, though I desperately need one. I am so busy with the boys and my mom with all of their therapy, doctors appointments and school meetings ...I haven't had the time or energy to find someone I trust with my secrets. So instead, I share my secrets with all of you lovely strangers that read this blog. Although some members of my family may not approve of this blog, and/or the amount of time I spend on Facebook ...I don't really care! The blog and Facebook is Therapy at my Fingertips. Anytime of the day or night, I can log on and find a friend who truly knows my pain and understands how I feel. We can share a laugh or a cry together, without any judgement.
So if you are a blog reader and you have not taken advantage of my Facebook Page ...I am here to tell you -you're missing out! My last blog post "Autism Awareness Confessions" received a lot of attention. So many people identified with my feelings. It made me smile on the inside. I know that I am not alone. Not only am I not alone --but there are so many out there who have children on the spectrum who are dealing with even more than I am. It makes me feel just slightly less insane ...just slightly.
Here is a response that came from my last post, from another Asperger's Mom who lives what I live...well sort of...
"Thank you for yet another post that shows me I am not alone in having children on the "Sprectrum" who behave in non typical ways. I find myself saying, "yep, my kid does that too!"
Are you tired? I am.
It is like we live in a world that is made up of puzzle pieces to be put together to achieve a contented, productive live. While no family has all the puzzle pieces figured out for a perfect life and family, the NT families appear to possess the parenting puzzle pieces that work for training and raising their children. Those of us who have family members with autism were given those pieces too, but none of them seem to fit like they should for our children.
We are expending so much time, energy and money, (which in and of themselves any parent is willing to do for their child) to find the correct puzzle pieces to help us understand how to raise our children so they can be productive citizens in this world with possibly some social happiness, But the puzzle pieces are lost or unknown. How do we find them all in an 18 year (and beyond) time period in order to do the best we can to faciliitate the training, teaching, and loving of our children so they can "fit in" enough to function and thrive in a world that seems to operate with a different puzzle picture than the one we have.
Over the last two and a half years my 17 year old son had decided that, really, he is a female born with a male body. He has become obsessed with proving this is true. He says he has always felt this way, but I was there for his childhood, so I know that is not true.
When he was in 6th grade we had to move to a different state for my husband's employment. Our son had to leave all his friends and school and have total CHANGE in his life. Since he has gross motor issues, he has never been able to keep up with the active boys and has always seen himself as weak. He is sensitive (the frontal lobe boundaries are broken) and emotional so can more easily get along with girls. The being-a-girl thing has become his Special Interest. I can pretty much figure out how his thought processes have controlled his emotions and beliefs to bring about this conclusion for himself, but he will not entertain any of those possible perceptions I might have. So, fine, be a girl, but keep up your school studies!
He has above average intelligence, but is now so obsessed with this new thing, that his single minded thinking has now excluded keeping up with school. I have to find the puzzle piece for how I can motivate him to get good-enough grades to graduate next year from High School.
This is a kid who is relentless about getting what he wants, and no consequence seems to matter. He will pick the locks in our house while I am gone to get something I have that he wants. Then I have to physically take it from him, which you can imagine, results in a melt down.
I am tired. Tired of seaching for pieces to this puzzle that will help him to do what he needs to do to develop the skills he needs as an adult to survive in a NT world.
It helps to read your posts and see that other children have these wierd sensory and behavioral issues, so I conclude there must be a way to make the pieces fit well enough for the child to become a reasonably happy, productive adult." ~Laura
Yes Laura...I am tired. I am so tired of trying to put this puzzle together, for not one, but two totally different children who live on the spectrum. Sometimes it feels like the more I do ...the worse things get! Nothing is never enough. I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop. Walking on eggshells, hoping to avoid that next meltdown, that will inevitably come at an inconvenient time. Let's face it ...there is no convenient time for a meltdown.
We keep on moving forward trying to put this puzzle together. The good news is -through my internet autism community, I have met many adults on the spectrum who are leading productive lives. While they still have their issues and challenges, time and maturity has helped many of them to deal with them better. So many adults with Aspergers tell me that life is much better after high school. They go on to college and have jobs, wives and children. Our adolescents are facing unbelievable stress, social pressure, anxiety and depression during a time when they are immature and their bodies are wreaked with hormonal changes. The truth is there is no other setting like middle and high-school in life. College and the work environment are much different. Not only that, they have more choices about what works best for them.
The day to day that we are facing while raising these kids is really, really hard. This is especially so as mothers, because we have a tendency to go through every emotional up and down that they do. Our hearts are tied together. So yes ...it is exhausting. The good news is this ...as Oprah says, "The one thing I know for sure is" ...there. is. hope.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 287 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 245 weeks ago
Risa · 232 weeks ago
LAH · 223 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 218 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 211 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 123 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 114 weeks ago